This was where he should tell her that he was just being stupid. He was letting childhood experiences colour his adult life. But the words just wouldn’t come.
He hated himself. And from the look on Lara’s face she hated him too.
She pressed her finger to his chest. ‘Why can’t you let anyone in? Are you so damaged from your childhood that you can’t let yourself love anyone just a little—or even try?’ She was shouting now, furious with him. ‘I thought you were an adult. I thought you said you’d put all that behind you—cut the toxic people out of your life. You know what people who love each other look like—you’ve seen Addison and Caleb. You know what things can be like if you’ll only give them a chance.’
He couldn’t speak. He was frozen. He could see the fury on her face and hear all the hurt in her voice, but he just couldn’t reach out. He just couldn’t take that step.
‘Get out of my cabin, Reuben,’ she said quietly.
And in the worst example of bad boy ever, he picked up his jacket and left.
* * *
Lara couldn’t breathe. It was as if her lungs couldn’t pull in any air. It didn’t matter that she was only dressed in a sheet. Her head felt fuzzy and her legs weak as she yanked open the door to the balcony.
The warm outside air hit her immediately. She wasn’t sure if it was better or worse. She leaned over the balcony, trying to suck in deep breaths.
After a few minutes her heart stopped clamouring against her chest and her head started to clear.
Still wrapped in the sheet, she took a few steps back. A few people down on the dockside were already staring up at her. She leaned against one of the glass doors.
Nightmare. Absolute nightmare.
She’d gone from the perfect night to the worst morning possible.
But the thing that hurt most hadn’t been the look of confusion in his eyes, or the fact he’d more or less rejected her this morning. It was how she felt inside.
That little glimmer of confidence that had been seeded inside her since she’d first met Reuben had bloomed and grown. It had made her look at herself, realise she was worthy and make her look at the decisions she made in this life.
She wouldn’t let him take that away from her. Not now. Not when she’d just got it back.
She stepped back inside the suite and stared around. She knew exactly what she needed to do.
Money didn’t matter any more. She could easily put a flight on her credit card.
For her, this dream cruise was over.
It was time to get back to reality and make the changes she wanted and deserved.
She was worthy. And now she believed it.
But first she would see the Colosseum.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
REUBEN HAD NO idea what he was doing. He had no idea where he was going. He just kept walking. It was amazing how far you could actually walk on a cruise ship.
He needed to clear his head. Everything he needed to say to Lara was actually in there. But from the way his heart was currently squeezing in his chest he would be lucky if he could ever form words again.
He stopped and leaned over the deck railing, trying to breathe in some fresh air. The ship had docked in Civitavecchia for Rome. His heart sunk.
This should be a great day. Lara had raved about visiting Rome. She’d been so looking forward to touring the city and visiting the Colosseum—they’d already signed up for the trips. Another black mark against his name.
He had to sort this out. He had to. In his working life he never had problems speaking his mind and putting things straight.
It was only his personal life that was such a screw-up. Trouble was, he’d never met anyone like Lara before. He’d never considered a long-term relationship. He’d never had one.
He stepped back from the railing and started walking again. His brain was spinning the whole time, trying to formulate an answer to the question, What is this? At this point an answer would not be enough. What he really needed was an answer followed by a heartfelt apology and whatever it would take to persuade her to give him a chance.
He kept walking. And walking. And walking.
The corridors of the ships were like a maze. All similar, with no real sense of direction. Eventually he came upon a sign: ‘Medical Centre’.
Doris. Of course. He took five minutes to check and see how she was doing.
‘Where’s Lara?’ she enquired.
He waved his hand and tried to brush off the remark. ‘She’s fine. She’s getting changed. I’m sure she’ll come and see you later.’
Doris gave him a careful look. It was almost as if she were looking directly into his brain and not liking what she was seeing. ‘Okay, then,’ she said stiffly.
He left. He had to. He had too much else to think about.