She smiled again, her hair falling like a curtain over her shoulder and brushing over his chest. “And here I am worried that with my inexperience, I won’t be able to satisfy you or that I’ll fail miserably. I vote we do this together and to hell with expectations or fears. Let’s just let it happen and we’ll figure it out as we go.”
He leaned up, cupping her cheek, and then pressed his lips to hers, sliding his tongue inside her mouth, tasting and savoring the sensation, the intimacy between them before they’d even taken that final step in their budding relationship.
“I think that’s a perfect idea,” he said gruffly.
CHAPTER 19
EDEN relaxed, letting go of her earlier bout of nerves. She had argued endlessly with herself whether to tell Swanny she was a virgin, but in the end he deserved to know. And, well, she wanted the experience to be wonderful, what she’d been dreaming of, and now that he knew, she knew he would take extra care with her and make it as special as she wanted it to be.
When she’d first told him and he’d looked astonished and baffled and speechless, for a while she thought she’d made a mistake and that he would back out. But then she realized that he was simply overwhelmed and humbled by the fact that she wanted him to be her first.
Her heart had simply melted at his reaction. He didn’t feel as if he were good enough for her, and he was genuinely baffled by the idea that she wanted him when, in his words, she could have any man she wanted.
But therein was the issue. She hadn’t wanted a man or felt right making love with another man. Not until Swanny. And as she’d tried to explain, she couldn’t say why it was him. Just that for her, he was the one. Now, looking back, she was so glad she had waited. That she’d been discerning and holding out for just the right man, because she knew to her bones that Swanny was the right man to take this enormous leap with. He might have doubts as to why she wanted him, but she had none whatsoever, and if it was the last thing she did, she was going to make him see himself the way she saw him. Strong. Caring. Loyal. Tender. So very loving and humble. Her heart turned over just thinking of him being her first.
“Shall I undress or do you want to do it?” she asked him shyly.
He put his hand on her arm. “I’m going to undress you. I want to make this perfect for you, so I’m going to take this nice and slow and if there’s ever a point where you want me to stop, just say the word and it stops then. I want you to relax and let me love you. We have all night and I plan to make the most of it.”
She relaxed and then lay back on the pillow as he gently pulled the covers down to their feet, out of the way. She stared at his body, fascinated by the lean muscled contours of his body. Scars crisscrossed his chest and abdomen and even his thighs and upper arms. It broke her heart that this man had been subjected to unspeakable torture, but she also knew he was a survivor and that whatever hell he’d gone through hadn’t broken him. Not many men could survive what he had and retain their sanity, and yet he continued to put himself on the line, where something just like what had happened before could happen again. Her admiration for him grew with every passing second.
He lifted his body over hers, his erection brushing against her belly where her top had risen to bare her abdomen. It was an electric shock and she looked down, wanting to see him intimately. Her eyes widened as they had the first time she’d seen his erection because it seemed enormous. She wondered if he’d even fit, especially since she was a virgin.
But she forced those fears out of her mind as he lowered his body carefully to hers until they were flush against each other. He kissed her lingeringly, so sweet and gentle her heart swelled and for some insane reason, tears burned her eyelids. The moment was just perfect. It seemed she’d been waiting for this—for Swanny—her entire life. And now it was here. She wanted him so very much that emotion overwhelmed her, consumed her until she was nearly bursting with it.
Breathing hard, he lifted his head and propped his weight on one forearm and reached to caress her face with his free hand.
“I’m going to be very gentle with you, Eden. I don’t want you to be afraid. The very last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. I’ll go as slow as you want. I want to know what pleases you, what feels good to you and what doesn’t so I make sure I don’t do it again. Your pleasure is my one and only priority.”
“With every word you make me want you even more, and I do want you, Swanny. So very much. I ache,” she whispered.
He groaned. “God, I want you too, Eden. So damn much I hurt with it.”
“Then make us both feel good. I trust you.”
He stopped, holding his head just above her, his eyes burning into hers with blazing intensity. She could see emotion glimmering in the fire, almost as if he couldn’t quite get the words out he wanted to say.
When he finally did speak, his tone was husky and laced with awe.
“That you trust me with this—you—honey, I don’t have words. You can’t possibly understand what this means. That you waited. For me. And that it’s me you want to make love to you. You undo me, Eden. There’s never been anyone for me like you. No one who ever bothered to look beyond the scars and see the heart of me.”
She stroked her palm over the scar-lined cheek, caressing and petting lightly. “They’re part of you. Of who you are and where you’ve been. You’re a hero. Willing to put your life on the line when so many others wouldn’t. I’m so sorry you paid the ultimate price and for the pain the memories must still cause you. But I’m not sorry I met you. I’m not sorry you’re here right now and that we’re making love together.”