Tensions on the ship are high.
What else is new?
All the good food ran out a few days ago and we’ve eaten all of our snacks, so we’re just down to canned food now. Gross. I feel the sodium swelling through my veins, along with the fact that I haven’t been able to exercise in nearly a week.
Honestly, Tai said something today that I never thought I’d hear him say.
He said, “I want this to be over now.”
And hell if he didn’t sum it up for all of us.
We are ALL dying to get off this boat. Lacey is having some weird panic attacks, Richard shaved his mustache off while the boat was rocking and cut himself up really bad, Tai has had a little too much wine at dinner, probably so he can pass out earlier (and cocktail hour is canceled since we can’t stand the sight of each other).
Fingers crossed the wind that’s been picking up lately will help push us there faster.
* * *
Daisy’s Log: Day 7
Here’s what I’ve been dreaming of lately.
I’m warning you…it’s pretty detailed.
I’m back in San Francisco. It’s a Saturday night and I’m in my apartment. I have my own space, I have my own room. I have privacy again.
I sit at home, in my own bed, enjoying a glass of Paso Robles Cab Sav, admiring my nails. Earlier I had gone to the salon to get them done and talked the technician’s ear off.
Then I get ready for the evening. I take a long shower—so much space! It’s not some cold hand-held thing in the tiny bathroom, it’s a real shower that I can turn around in and everything. I even have my wine in the shower!
I take a ridiculously long time washing my hair, getting it really clean, because there’s no one yelling at me to stop wasting water. I shave my legs, exfoliate, and use a hair mask. I step out into my huge bathroom and slather on body butter and let it dry and then I blow-dry my hair (I miss my blow-dryer! Why did I think Tai would have one?). Once dry and shiny (no more of these salt-soaked tangles from the wind), I curl my hair in long waves like I used to, then I spend extra time on my makeup. Not the two palettes I’m stuck with here, but the collection I have at home that is overflowing with choices.
Then it’s time to get dressed. I open my closet and ta-da! I have scores of clothes to choose from. They’re all freshly laundered, none of them are wrinkled and smell like diesel after being on this godforsaken boat.
I get ready. Choose a purse and then head out.
Where do I go?
I can go anywhere!
I can walk down the street to Hayes St, stand in a ridiculously long line for Salt & Straw and be around people, people who aren’t these three idiots. Or I could go to Blue Bottle for a coffee, perhaps catch the eye of a cute guy working in the shop. I could get a spicy mango margarita at the Sugar Bar, or head up the street to A Mano, my favorite Italian restaurant and eat my heart out. I would order every single dish, drink every wine, so grateful to not be slurping on cans of soup and watching the alcohol slowly run out.
Then, THEN, when I was good and ready, I would find myself a guy.
Not just any guy.
A guy that looks exactly like Tai, down to his battered knuckles and the scar at the bottom of his lip, and the flecks of gold in his mahogany eyes. I would find his exact replica, bring him home, and bring his head between my legs until I had a million orgasms.
And this version of him would be so much less complicated than the version that’s staring at me while I write this.
It’s five in the morning, by the way. The sun will come up in an hour or so. I’m holding a flashlight in between my teeth, trying not to drool. Not that it’s something Tai hasn’t seen before.
I have to admit, as much as I’m dreaming about being back home, being off this ship, about to bang a guy that looks exactly like Tai, I think these middle-of-the-night shifts are something I would miss.
It’s like I feel closer to him every time the sun rolls around. I at least feel…grounded, even out at sea.
And the way he’s been staring at me lately…I can’t pretend I don’t feel the heat in his eyes, and the curiosity behind that. It’s a look that makes me feel alive, like I have something to look forward to, even though I don’t know what it is.
But for all that Tai looks at me, and all that I look at him, there’s nothing between us.