“Are you saying no?”
“Of course not, but we have some other shit to discuss.”
“What other shit?” He turned his mug around and around between his palms and I couldn’t seem to look away from the sight. His long fingers—nope, I wasn’t going to go there. “I’ll set up an allotment that goes straight to your account for bills and shit while I’m gone, groceries and stuff. I can always change—”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurted without warning or buildup. If I’d had a serrated blade, I could have cut out my own tongue then.
“You’re what?”
“Pregnant.”
He stared at me blankly for a long time, and I was afraid to say anything else, but then his face lost the blank look and turned completely emotionless.
“Can you still keep the kids, or is it going to be a problem?”
“It’s not an it. It’s a baby.”
“I need to know if you can still stay with the kids.”
“Of course I can, Shane, God! Could you follow the fucking conversation?” I finally snapped, annoyed at his lack of response. “I am pregnant. The baby is yours. Now it’s your turn to speak.”
“I’m not sure what you want me to say here, Kate,” he replied calmly, but his fingers had tightened around the coffee mug until his knuckles were white.
“Anything. At this point, I’d take anything,” I replied tiredly, my heart racing.
“Are you sure it’s mine?”
My body went cold then, the sweat I’d felt underneath my arms growing cool so quickly I almost shivered. “Anything but that,” I whispered hoarsely, with a small shake of my head.
I rose to leave without another word, and he didn’t stop me as I kissed the boys good-bye and slipped on my shoes.
“When Keller wakes up, please tell him I love him,” I called out as I reached the door. “I’ll pick Sage up from school today since I already told her I would.”
I heard his chair skid across the linoleum and his voice calling my name, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t handle any more that day.
Chapter 4
Kate
I fucked up,” I announced into the phone as I lay on the bathroom floor.
“Well, hello to you, too,” my foster sister Anita retorted. “Why are you echoing?”
“I’m in the bathroom—”
“I really don’t want to talk to you while you shit.”
“I’m not shitting, Ani. Fuck, I fucked up so bad.” My voice caught on the last few words, and I couldn’t hide the sob that came out of me. I was so tired, and my whole body seemed to ache from the amount of vomiting I’d done. I couldn’t keep anything down—why couldn’t I keep anything down?
“Crap, Katie! What’s going on? Are you okay?” she asked nervously.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, as if saying the words quietly would soften the reply.
“Didn’t you get your shot? What the fuck, Kate? You can’t miss a shot!”
“I didn’t. I swear, I got it right when I was supposed to. I don’t know what the fuck happened!”
“I hope to Christ you know what happened,” she replied drily.
“It gets worse,” I moaned, laying my head back on the towel beneath me. “Way worse.”
“Was the guy ugly?”
“Worse.”
“A gigolo?”
“Way worse.”
“Oh, fuck, Katie,” she whispered after a moment of complete silence. “You didn’t.”
“We were drunk. It was a mistake.”
“That excuse stopped working when you were nineteen. It doesn’t work when you’re almost thirty.”
“I know. I’m such an idiot. God, what was I thinking?”
“Does Shane know?”
The lights were off in the bathroom, but the sun was shining through the small window of my shower and I closed my eyes against it. Shit, even my eyeballs hurt.
“Yeah, I told him this morning.”
“What did he say?”
“Not much.”
“Not much?”
“He asked if I was sure it was his.”
“That cocksucker!” she yelled, intensifying the pain in my head. “I hope you ripped him a new asshole!”
“No, I just left.”
“What? Why? Don’t let him be a dick to you, Katherine. You’ve put up with far more shit than you should’ve from him over the years.”
“No, I know. I just—” I started weeping then, feeling more pitiful than I ever had in my entire life. “I’m just tired, Ani. I’m so fucking tired, and I keep throwing up. And Keller was such a brat this morning, he actually hit me, and then Shane got home and was a complete ass about it. I just couldn’t take anymore, and then I had to leave when Kell was asleep and he probably woke up and thought I was still mad at him.”
“Whoa, slow down, sweetheart,” she said soothingly. “Let’s work this out piece by piece. You’ve been sick?”
“I’m so sick,” I rasped, my stomach starting to churn yet again. “God, Ani. I haven’t been able to keep anything down for days.”
“How many days?”
“Like three, I think. God, it feels like forever.”
“You’re probably dehydrated, Kate. You need to go to the doctor.”
“I have an appointment day after tomorrow.”