“Yeah.”
He was asleep within minutes, and I lay there running my fingers through his hair for a long time. Keller was going to be the one I needed to watch closely in the next few weeks.
Sage took things hard, but she tended to internalize them until she figured them out and then quietly came to terms with whatever was happening. After Rachel had died, she’d sort of shrunk into herself, but after a few months she’d become the Sage she’d always been except for the jolting way she woke up.
Gavin just went with the flow. He was so easygoing—almost too easygoing. I wondered if it was because of his age or if God had just decided that Shane and Rachel needed someone who was the exact opposite of their oldest son so they didn’t lose their minds.
Keller took things hard, and when he was having trouble, everyone knew it. He was so sensitive. I think most people would have assumed that his behavior just meant that he was a brat, but I’d known him from the time he was born. The poor kid took everything to heart, and when he was feeling too much—whether it was fear or sadness or anxiety—it always came out of him as anger.
I listened to the quiet sounds of the house settling around us and prayed that I’d be able to take care of all of those little people on my own.
“Looks like a party in here,” Shane said from the doorway, then walked around the bed so I could see him. “Good thing I got you a king.”
“No kidding. Thank God Gunner is trapped in his crib or I’m afraid we’d be falling off the sides.”
“Want me to take them into their beds?”
“Yeah, they’ll probably sleep better,” I replied, kissing Gavin’s sweaty forehead.
Shane walked back around the bed and scooped Sage up, walking on silent feet back out the door as I stood up.
“You didn’t have to get up,” he whispered when he came back in.
“You should grab Gavin first. If Keller wakes up before Gavin’s back in their room, he’ll freak.”
“Good call.” He nodded, leaning over to grab Gavin. “Be right back for Keller.”
I curled back into the suddenly lonely bed as Shane finally carried Keller to his room. I was kicking myself for telling him to put the kids in their beds when Shane came back in.
“Scoot over,” he ordered, shutting the door behind him.
I scrambled back in the bed and swallowed hard as he pulled his T-shirt over his head before climbing in beside me and rolling until we were face-to-face.
“You couldn’t sleep?” he asked.
“I wish you didn’t have to go,” I blurted, instantly squeezing my eyes tightly closed so I couldn’t see his expression.
“Yeah, I’m not too excited about it, either,” he replied with a sigh, making my eyes pop back open.
“I thought—well, Rachel always said you were anxious to go.”
“Things are different now.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“I’m not worried about you taking care of the kids. You know that, right?” he asked, grabbing one of my arms and pulling me closer until I was resting against the side of his body. “I don’t trust anyone more than I trust you.”
“I’m nervous.”
“I would be, too. They’re a shit ton of work.”
“I’m nervous for you.”
“That’s one thing you shouldn’t worry about.”
“I can’t help it.”
“I’ll be back before you know it.”
“I’ll be huge by the time you get back,” I complained.
He laughed softly, jostling the entire bed. “Probably.”
“I’ve missed you,” I whispered softly, curling my hand into a fist on his chest.
“I’m not even gone yet.”
“No, I’ve missed you for a long time.”
He was silent for so long that I wondered if I’d messed up big by bringing up the elephant we’d been dancing around for the past year.
“I was an asshole back then.”
“You were my best friend.”
“I know.” He sighed, pulling my body tighter against his.
“It was just a stupid crush. I would have gotten over it. I did get over it,” I insisted.
“And I was twenty-one and pissed at the world,” he reminded me. “It was easier to pretend you didn’t exist. I knew if I had to see you watching me with those sad, big brown eyes, I’d do something stupid.”
“So you hit on my roommate. God, that was such a dick move,” I retorted.
“It was,” he chuckled. “But shit, Rachel was hot.”
“Okay, conversation over.”
“Sorry.”
“She was pretty hot,” I grumbled. “If I was into chicks, I totally would have hit that.”
He barked out a surprised laugh, and my entire body warmed.
“You’re nuts.”
“I miss her,” I confessed, my throat tightening.
“Fuck, me too.”
“Sometimes I still pick up my phone to text her.”
“I used to roll over in bed in the morning and expect her to be there.”
“She actually let you see her without makeup? I figured she would have jumped out of bed and put her face on before you woke up,” I joked.