“You want a housewife, and I’m convenient,” she whispered, shaking her head against her pillow. “You don’t even have to marry me. I’m already here. You know that Iris and I aren’t going anywhere. Why search for anyone else when you’ve got a—”
“Don’t finish that sentence,” I growled, her words making my blood boil. “Easy? You’re the least convenient person I’ve ever fucking met.”
I pulled away from Kate and pushed her onto her back so I could climb on top of her, straddling her waist. I leaned down until our noses were almost touching.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Kate,” I said softly, searching her eyes. “But I know that I want you. Help me.”
“I’ve been helping you since we were kids, Shane,” she replied, with a weary shrug. “I just don’t think I have anything left.”
“You do,” I whispered, leaning down on my elbows so I could brush my lips across hers. “You do. I know you do.”
“I’m terrified that I’m going to wake up one day and you’re going to take them again,” she confessed in a shaky voice. “That you’re going to decide you want someone else and there’ll be no more room for me.”
“No, Katie,” I said harshly, gripping her head between my hands. “That won’t happen.”
“How can you know that?” she argued, her eyes filling with tears. “That’s what you did less than two weeks ago.”
My forehead dropped to hers, and I inhaled a shaky breath. “That wasn’t what happened. There’s no one but you, Kate.”
She closed her eyes, and tears leaked out of the corners. “I can’t trust you.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing,” I whispered frantically, kissing her face while she lay passively beneath me. “It wasn’t you. It was me. I was being selfish. I wanted them with me, and I fucked everything up.”
“That’s the thing,” she replied, defeat lacing her words. “You have that power. I have no rights when it comes to the kids, and at any point you could erase me as if I never existed.”
“I wouldn’t. I thought you’d follow behind us, Kate. I swear. I thought it was only for a little while until you could have Iris. I never planned—”
“I don’t believe you.”
Her words slapped me in the face. She still wasn’t looking at me, and I hated that she was blocking me out that way. I was surrounding her, my body pressed against her from all sides, and she’d still found a way to keep herself distant.
“I’ll prove it to you,” I said resolutely.
Her eyes slowly opened, and I caught a glimpse of the Katie I’d used to know before her eyes once again took on the haunted look she’d had since Iris was born.
“Please do,” she whispered back softly, her hand lifting to rest on my ribs. “I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t.”
Both of us were breathing raggedly as I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, tentatively sliding my tongue between her parted lips.
It was the first time I’d really kissed her in over six months, and within seconds I was hard as a rock. My mind knew that we would go no farther, but the rest of my body seemed to chant Kate, Kate, Kate as she slowly slid her hand up my chest and wrapped her fingers around the front of my throat. I wasn’t sure why she did it, but the movement both turned me on and oddly centered me.
I finally pulled away as Iris began to fuss in her bed, and I immediately felt guilty for keeping Kate awake when she should have been sleeping. “I’ll get her,” I said, leaning back down to suck Kate’s lip into my mouth one more time before crawling off the bed.
When I reached Iris, I couldn’t help but glance back at Kate.
She was lying on her side again, a small sleepy smile on her face while she waited for me to bring her the baby. One half of her nursing tank top was already unsnapped and gaping at the top, and at some point while I was on top of her, the blankets had been pushed down past her hips, giving a glimpse of the flannel pajama bottoms she wore to bed and the soft belly above them.
I didn’t care if it took the rest of my life to prove to her that I wasn’t going anywhere—as long as she would let me roll over in the middle of the night and see her looking exactly the way she did then.
* * *
The next morning, I climbed out of bed before my alarm went off, anxious to get away from Kate.
She was killing me, and kissing her the night before had left me with an erection that would go down just enough for me to fall asleep and grow hard again as I started to dream. It was insane.