Craving Lily (The Aces' Sons 4)

“I’m so sorry,” I said, following through with the hug even though I was pretty sure he just wanted me to get off of him. “I’m so sorry, Leo.”

“Thanks,” he said gruffly, his hands landing on my shoulders.

He didn’t push me away, but his intent was clear.

“I—anything you need, okay?” I said as I stepped back. I lifted my face toward his, but couldn’t meet his eyes. “I’m here for the week, and if I can help, or—”

“Thanks,” he said again, this time a clear dismissal.

“Right.” I backed away, my face on fire. I’d shuffled uncomfortably all the way to the hallway before I remembered what the hell I was actually doing there.

I finally met his eyes again, because there was no way that I couldn’t.

“My dad asked me to tell you to come see him,” I said softly, my stomach clenching as I watched his emotionless face wince. “Maybe you don’t want to see him. Or maybe you’re mad at him. But he really wants to see you.”

“I’m not mad at him,” he said with a huff. “Christ.”

“Okay,” I whispered, suddenly anxious to get the hell away.

“Okay,” he replied. Then for the second time in my entire life, Leo closed a door in my face.

Chapter 18

Leo

I was on my way to the hospital to see Casper and my hands were sweating. I wasn’t nervous. There wasn’t anything to be nervous about. But, hell, I wanted a drink.

After I saw Casper, I was going to pick up Gray, and I knew without a doubt that I was going to deal with drama from Ashley’s mom, Kathy. Drama that was going to freak Gray out and make me want to throw the woman through a wall. When I’d texted her earlier in the day, she’d gotten back to me an hour later with some shit about how Gray could spend another night at her house. After, I’d told her I’d be there in a few hours to pick him up. While she hadn’t come out and actually said it, I knew that Gray wasn’t going to be ready to leave when I got there and she was going to argue that shit for a hot minute before she gave up and let me take him. I wasn’t looking forward to it.

I also wasn’t looking forward to whatever talk Casper wanted to have with me. I didn’t know if he was going to rip me a new one or apologize, but neither of those options sounded appealing when I couldn’t even get my head straight about what had happened. I knew Ashley was gone intellectually, but it still didn’t feel that way. We went days without talking sometimes, that wasn’t anything new. If one of us had Gray, and nothing important was happening, we didn’t feel the need to chat. Sure, I’d get picture messages and shit every couple of days if I hadn’t seen him in a while, but that was pretty much the extent of it. Knowing that Gray was with his grandma made it even harder to feel Ashley’s absence. There wasn’t any need for her to contact me.

I wiped my hands on my jeans as I climbed out of the Suburban and lit up a cigarette as I walked toward the hospital’s entrance, giving me a few more minutes to stall. I needed to quit fucking smoking. I needed to quit doing a lot of stupid shit now that I was Gray’s only parent. Only parent—what a mindfuck. Never in a million years had I thought that I’d be doing that shit on my own. From the first second I’d known about him, I’d had a partner to depend on. Someone I could call in the middle of the night when he had a fever from teething and I didn’t know what the fuck to do. Someone to bitch to when he took a permanent marker to the walls in my apartment.

Now it was just me.

I crushed the finished cigarette under the toe of my boot and threw the butt in the trash as I walked inside the hospital and headed toward the elevators. I needed to get this shit done so I could go get my boy. I’d never before needed the feeling of his little body pressed up against mine so badly, the reassurance that he was okay, even though everything around us was fucking spinning.

I asked the nurse on his floor which room Casper was in, and less than a minute later, I was standing in the doorway, feeling like a kid that had just been called to the principal’s office.

“Leo,” Farrah said, getting to her feet so she could hug me. “How you doin’, kid?”

“Alright.”

“Liar.” She smacked my chest, but gave me a small smile. “You need any help, just let me know. This one’s been getting on my nerves, so I don’t mind leaving him.”