The twins weren’t in the nursery. He’d arranged for them to have a picnic in the garden. In half an hour they would arrive for their nap. He hoped that gave him enough time with Olivia. While he waited, he sat on Bethany’s bed and picked up the photo of Marissa on the girls’ nightstand. A scrapbook had been among the twins’ possessions. Olivia had chosen this particular picture to frame and place between the girls so they would remember their mother.
Marissa was pregnant in the picture. Not full-term, perhaps seven months, yet still huge. Had she known she was carrying twins? He traced her smile with his fingertips. She looked older than he remembered, aged by experience, not years, yet luminescent in motherhood.
Why hadn’t she contacted him when she knew she was pregnant? Had she not wished to burden him? Had she feared his rejection yet again? He couldn’t have married her. Wouldn’t have married her. Even if Sherdana’s laws hadn’t dictated his bride needed to be a citizen of the country or of noble birth for his offspring to be able to inherit the crown, where Gabriel and Marissa had been most compatible was between the sheets, which was where they’d spent half of their time together.
Out of bed, her passionate nature had revealed itself in turbulent emotions and insecurity. He knew the latter had been his fault. He couldn’t offer her a future and she’d deserved better. In the end, he’d let her go and part of him had been relieved.
He’d put Sherdana’s needs before hers. He’d done the same with Olivia. Only this time there was no certainty that he’d made the right decision. No sense that a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. His daughters were the only bright spot in his future. His mother wanted him to consider who would become his princess, but he couldn’t make that decision until he spoke with Olivia and saw for himself what was in her heart.
* * *
Olivia took on the challenge of the palace stairs at a sedate pace, but was uncomfortably short of breath by the time she reached the first landing. Several maids trotted past her, but none of the staff paid her undue attention. Still, she felt like an interloper in the place where she thought she’d spend the rest of her life.
Relaxing her grip on the gaily wrapped packages containing china dolls, Olivia forced herself to keep climbing. As beautiful as the dolls were, giving toddlers such delicate toys was probably a recipe for disaster. But Olivia wanted to share with the girls something special. The dolls were just like the one her mother had bought for her and not lived to present the gift.
In her heart Olivia knew it was selfish of her to want them to remember her. First their mother had died and now they faced the loss of someone else they relied on. It was too much change for ones so young. At least they would still have their father. Olivia was comforted by how much Gabriel loved his daughters.
In two days the twins turned two. The party Olivia had spent weeks planning had stirred the palace into new heights of frantic activity. As much as Olivia wanted to go, attending was out of the question. Even though she knew the twins would want her there, they were undoubtedly the only members of the royal family who would.
Who could blame them? Olivia knew the end of her engagement to Gabriel had driven the media into a frenzy of speculation about whom he might choose for his next bride. Social networks had blown up with news about the top two candidates. As long as Olivia remained in the picture, the news outlets would stir the pot. It was better if she disappeared from Sherdana. But she couldn’t go without saying goodbye to Bethany and Karina.
Her slow rise to the second floor gave Olivia lots of time to remember how golden her future had seemed the first time she’d ascended these stairs and to brood about the handsome prince who’d never be hers.
Coming to the palace was a risk. She might run into Gabriel and lose the modicum of peace she’d made with her situation. At the same time, she was foolishly excited at the thought of running into Gabriel again. Even knowing they could never be together didn’t stop her from longing to see him one last time.
It was irrational, but she’d been hurt that he’d heeded her desire for no further contact after her surgery. She’d broken things off. While part of her was relieved that he’d honored her wishes, her less rational side had resented Gabriel for taking her at her word.
But what truly upset her was, after everything that had happened, she continued to crave his company. She woke from dreams where he held her close and whispered she was his life, his dearest love, and discovered she was alone. And all along, her heart hung heavy in her chest. Emptiness lingered below the stinging incision in her abdomen. Depression coiled about her thoughts, threatening to smother her. A dozen get-well bouquets brightened her hotel suite but couldn’t pierce the fog surrounding her emotions.
Olivia paused at the top step and leaned on the banister to catch her breath before proceeding down the hall to the nursery. She knew the twins would be finishing up lunch and had chosen this time to visit because it limited how long she would stay.
When she got to the nursery, she stopped just inside the doorway, but didn’t see the twins. Instead, Gabriel occupied the space. Her heart gave a giddy leap. He sat on Bethany’s bed, a silver frame in his hands, fingertips tenderly resting on the face of the woman in the photo. Marissa.
His expression held such sorrow, his mouth drooping in regret as she’d never seen before. Her heart wept for his obvious grief, but the tears that sprang to her eyes weren’t for Gabriel; they were for herself. She’d believed him when he claimed to be over Marissa, but three years later he continued to grieve for what could never be. Was that how she looked in those unguarded moments when she thought about all she’d lost? Was this what it looked like when a heart shattered?
Suddenly this errand didn’t seem like a good idea. She should have let Libby bring Bethany and Karina to the hotel instead of returning to the palace. But the media had camped out in front of the hotel in the hope that she’d comment on her broken engagement. During the short walk from lobby door to car, Olivia had worn dark glasses and a wide brimmed hat to prevent the photographers from catching a newsworthy photo of her. Olivia couldn’t put the girls in the middle of the chaos.
“Olivia!”
Gabriel’s head snapped up at the enthusiastic cries coming from behind her. His gaze crashed into hers. She wobbled beneath the triple impact of the twins wrapping their arms around her hips and the raw emotion in Gabriel’s eyes.
The twins’ demands for attention offered her no chance to react to what she’d seen, but she was glad. Remaining upright as they pressed against her became that much harder thanks to the bulky, delicate bundles she carried.
Gabriel stepped forward and took the packages from her. “Girls, be gentle with Olivia. She’s been sick and is very fragile.”
The glow in his eyes warmed her head to toe as he extricated her from the twins’ enthusiastic embrace. She had a hard time looking away.
“Don’t like sick,” Bethany proclaimed, her lower lip slipping forward.
Karina gave her head a vigorous shake.
“I’m much better now, but still a little sore. Like when you skin your knee how it takes a while to stop hurting.”
Karina bent down to touch Olivia’s unblemished knees. “Hurt?”
Olivia laughed. “No, angel. My knees are okay. My hurt is here.” She pointed to her stomach.
“Can we see?” Bethany demanded.
Olivia gestured toward the packages Gabriel had set on their beds. “Why don’t you open your birthday presents instead.”
“Birthday.”
Olivia smiled past her sadness at having to go home to England and never see these girls again. “They are very special. I hope you like them.”
While the girls tore into the wrapping, Olivia watched them, but her attention was captured by the tall man who stood so close beside her. It seemed the worst sort of torture not to lean into his strength and forget about the past week. But the twinges in her abdomen kept her grounded in reality.
“That was a lovely gift,” Gabriel said as the girls fell to exclaiming over the dolls’ hair and wardrobe.
“Something for them to remember me by.” Emotion seized her by the throat. “I didn’t realize leaving them was going to be so hard.”
“You could stay longer.”
Olivia flinched at how her heart leaped with hope. “I can’t, and it’s not fair of you to ask.”
Why would he even want her to stay? He knew as well as she did that having her around would create problems for him both in the media and in his search for a bride.
“A lot of things haven’t been fair lately.” He brushed her hair off one shoulder, grazing her skin in the process.
To Olivia’s immense shock, desire sparked. How was it possible after all she’d been through? She looked up to see if Gabriel had noticed her reaction and to her dismay, he had.
“Olivia.” His deep voice rumbled in his chest, creating a matching vibration in her. “We need to talk.” He found her hand with his.