He stares at me like I just slapped him in the face. His nostrils flare as he inhales. “Fuck. You.”
“It’s the truth, Magnus. If you had just given it a moment’s thought, this never would have happened.”
“If I hadn’t fucked up and gotten myself in this mess, you wouldn’t be here!”
“Yeah, well maybe that would have been for the best.”
He blinks at me in awe. “What are you saying?”
I need to stop talking. I need to get a hold of myself. I’m hurt, and confused, and I’m scared. So scared of where this is going, so scared that in the end I’ll be tossed aside. It doesn’t matter that we’re married, he could still discard me, he could still end up with her.
I press my lips together, afraid to say something I’ll regret, but instead I start shaking and quivering inside like a volcano ready to blow.
“What are you saying?” he asks again. “Don’t tell me you’re considering those clauses. Don’t tell me that’s how you’re going to handle it. Turn into a little girl and run away.”
“I am not a little girl! I’m your wife and you’re having a baby with another woman. How the fuck do you think I feel? How do you think I’m supposed to act?”
“It’s not a choice, Ella! I’m stuck with this fucking problem too. What do you want me to do? Turn my back on a child that’s mine? Cast her out when I’m also responsible for what happened?”
Yes. That’s exactly what I want to happen.
And I hate to say it, I hate to be that person.
It would be better if we could pretend that Heidi didn’t exist, that there was no child on the way.
But if Magnus did that, if he chose to not be a part of it, then he’s not the person I thought I married. The man I married would always do the right thing, even if it hurts.
No matter what happens to us, we lose.
I feel like my heart is being obliterated the more I stand here and think about it.
I can’t deal with this here, with him.
We won’t get anywhere.
I turn around and head upstairs to our room.
“Where are you going?” Magnus yells after me.
I don’t answer him. I grab my purse and make sure the essentials are in there and then I head back down stairs.
Einar is standing by the front door, Magnus walking toward me.
His face falls when he notices my purse.
“Where are you going?” he asks, reaching for my arm.
I rip it out of his grasp, not wanting to look at him anymore.
“Home!” I tell him. “I’m going home.”
I pass by Einar in the hallway. “When you see Jane, tell her I’ll send for her in a few days.”
He gives me an apologetic smile. “Yes, madam.”
I walk down the stairs and into a car as a driver runs out of the house after me, hurrying to the driver’s seat.
“Where to?” he asks.
“The airport,” I tell him.
I tell myself I won’t cry on the property. I won’t let my tears tinge that estate. I won’t let this bury the life that I’ve built here.
But the moment the car passes through the palace gates, I burst into tears.
I cry and I cry and I cry, as if my heart is being emptied out.
And all that’s left is the lie we built our love on.
Twenty-Two
Magnus
It was the wedding band that set me off.
Ella’s wedding band, sitting in a silver dish beside the bathroom sink.
It’s been a day since Ella left the house.
A day since Heidi appeared with the paternity test, telling us she was pregnant with our child.
A day since my entire life collapsed in ruins around me.
It’s been a hell of a day to say the least.
But I was managing it the best I could.
I think I was more in a daze than anything. Pretending that Ella went around the corner instead of who knows where she went. Pretending that Heidi was mistaken. Pretending that everything in my life didn’t drastically change forever.
But that wedding band, that did it.
I picked it up in my hand and felt the complete absence of her.
The fact that she had left me.
She left me.
The fear that she might not ever come back.
And who could fucking blame her?
I apparently have some demon spawn with Heidi and that’s something you don’t get to come back from.
So, when I saw that ring, the fact that she took it off as if she was discarding our marriage, I did what I do best when I get into these panicky situations.
I completely trashed my room.
I mean, yelling, screaming, punching the wall, kicking things over, throwing shit. It was ugly.
Just acting like a complete barbarian with a peanut brain.
And even though Ottar is used to these kinds of outbursts from me from time to time, when my temper and frustration levels and my race-car brain can’t be controlled, this time he’s barging in the room like he’s ready to wrestle me.
“Bring it on, little man,” I snarl at him as I turn around, doing my best Wolverine impression.
“What the hell are you doing?” he asks, looking at the mess and chaos around him. Feathers from the down pillows I kicked are floating in the air. “Don’t you have any self-control?”
“You know I don’t,” I say, still trying to catch my breath. Somehow, I don’t feel any better though, and now the room is all fucked up. “You should really know I don’t by now.”
“Sir, listen,” he says as he slowly approaches me, as if I’m going to pick him up and throw him through the window. That’s when I notice the envelope in his hands.
The paternity test.
The sight of it nearly sends me reeling again.
“Get that thing out of here,” I grind out.
He shakes it at me. “No, listen to me. I don’t think this is legit.”
That makes me pause. “What do you mean?” I can’t ignore the hope building through me and if it’s false hope I’m going to kill him. “Tell me you know something.”
He comes on over and shows it to me. It looks the same as it did before.
“Look,” he says, running his fingers over some lines at the bottom. “See the doctors that signed it?”
I squint and read the list of three names below their signatures. “Yeah, so?”
“Well I thought the name Gunnar Hamundarson sounded familiar,” he says. “So I Googled him.”
“Yeah. And?”
“Well he’s a famous Viking from Iceland. From the tenth century.”
I stare at him.
“So then,” he continues, “I Googled the rest of the names. They’re all dead Vikings. Magnus, these doctors don’t exist. The thing is a forgery.”
“Are you sure?” I ask carefully. “Please be sure about this.”
“Positive,” he says. Then he flashes me a smile. “Besides, you said she got your DNA from her father? That’s a load of shit. The prime minister doesn’t have people’s DNA on file, he’s not a criminologist or whatever. I doubt anyone has your DNA. You’d have to know about it if they did.”
“Soooo,” I say slowly.
“So, Heidi Lundström just royally fucked herself.”
“But her stomach?”
He shrugs and puts his hands on his own round belly. “Maybe it was a food baby. Either way, it doesn’t matter what it was. That test is a fake and therefore you’re not the father. Rest easy, Prince Magnus. There shall be no red-headed ginger babes.”
I should be relieved.
I mean, I am relieved.
Relieved but I also feel completely foolish for taking Heidi’s word at face value and on top of that I feel like a total ass for losing my temper like this and having a yelling match with Ella last night which prompted her to leave.
But I’m also still angry.
Only it’s a righteous kind of anger.
Driven by justice.
“Oh hell,” Ottar says. “You’re getting that look in your eyes, Magnus. You know the look. This can’t be good.”
I grin at him. “You’re a good friend, Samwise. Been here through so much of the journey.”
“Please don’t start, sir.”
I ignore him. “But we have to do this together. We have to put an end to this battle once and for all. Or at least, you can come along for the ride.”
I grab a sweater and leave the room. I’ll deal with the mess when I get back.
“Where are we going sir?” Ottar asks with a weary sigh before eventually following me. “Or maybe I don’t want to know.”
“We’re going to see Sauron.”
“Fucking knew it,” Ottar swears.
We pass by Jane on the stairs. “Jane, tell me where Ella is.”
She pauses and leans against the railing and rolls her eyes. “I told you. I think she went to Liechtenstein.”
“Think? How come you don’t know? You know everything.”
“Because I’ve tried calling her too. She won’t answer. I think she’s just figuring stuff out. Maybe she wants to be alone. I certainly don’t blame her when she’s surrounded by a bunch of twits all the time.”
“Well keep trying her. Tell her to call this twit, please.”
She sighs. “Will do. You know, I don’t like being put in the middle of your marital quarrels. I don’t think it’s fair.”
Ottar laughs nervously. “Welcome to the rest of your life, Lady Jane.”
We get into the car with Einar behind the wheel and he drives Ottar and I into the city. I call Ella numerous times, trying to tell her the news, but she never answers, and my texts don’t seem to go through either. Not that I was about to text her: Surprise! No Demon Baby! Come Home!
Einar drives us straight to the prime minister’s office, which actually is just a few blocks from my parent’s palace. I think I’ll pay my father a visit after but for now, I have one thing I need to set right, even if it hurts me.