There You Stand (Between Breaths 5)

I couldn’t help but wonder if the man was his parole officer because he had some type of manila folder in his hand. I was thankful that Emmy was off to the side picking up dog waste and depositing it in the trash can because it gave me free rein to watch them.

Right at that moment, Jude’s head lifted and his eyes found mine. His eyebrows were hunched together in an angry caricature. He looked frustrated, sad, and furious all rolled into one, and I couldn’t help flinching as a flicker of fear surged through me.

Again, the idea that Jude might be dangerous flitted through my brain. Not to me, but to others. But who the hell was I kidding? He could be threatening to me as well. He certainly looked it right then.

Sliding his gaze away from mine, he catalogued each dog, as if searching for Chopper and Ace. He didn’t know that I volunteered at the pound so this scenario might’ve thrown him for a loop.

His eyes scanned to Emmy, who was heading toward the street, and then back to me as the man standing near him reached for his shoulder to gain his attention. As if he could guess that I was equally as confused, he shook his head and turned away.

Jude made me feel so damn conflicted. My skin was cold and heated at the same time, my emotions all over the damn place. I was so keyed up that I walked faster out of the park on Emmy’s heels, which made my limp a bit more pronounced.

Chapter Ten

I avoided the park for a couple more days but I couldn’t get that look in Jude’s eyes out of my head. The way he seemed so annoyed yet despondent when he’d been with that man. On the surface I had felt afraid, but deep down, I didn’t think he’d do anything to hurt me, not after he’d been so tender with my injuries. It was the same kind of gentle selectiveness that he showed with his words.

Did that make me an idiot? Probably.

When Jude showed up for his appointment, I could immediately tell that he’d completely locked himself down. Shut me out. His eyes were flat green stones that had lost most of their shine.

I decided that the best way to interact with Jude, at least for the present moment, was to keep it light. I wanted to know him and I think he was curious about me, too. But we’d get nowhere without mutual respect or trust.

Once he entered the room, he closed the door. He was still free to leave it open, so he must not have felt that awkward around me. When he discarded his shirt, I held in my sigh. Would it ever grow old viewing his skin so intimately without being able to touch him in the way I wanted?

Maybe my way inside with Jude was to be my jovial self—the guy who hung out at the bar, kept myself entertained, and played stupid-ass games.

After he lay down on the table, I purposely asked him a question that would require a response. “Do you need anything before we get started?”

His eyes flashed briefly to mine and I was so grateful for that one swift glance before he shook his head.

I traced my palm along the work I’d done on his back the previous appointment. “Healing nicely.”

His muscles quivered as my fingers hovered over him. I knew he was affected by me, I just wish I knew how to get him to open up. Regardless, I needed to keep moving.

I fired up the machine and got going on the rest of the design. I went into that creative zone while Jude stared at the far wall. Still, it didn’t feel right, having him so closed off. So I tried another question.

“Got any tricks for me when it comes to Chopper?” I asked. “I’m not sure how to get him to listen better.”

He slowly twisted toward me and stared hard, as if contemplating my question.

I swallowed and kept my attention on the midpoint of his back. I was nearly out of ideas. So I took another shot because I had nothing to loose.

“True or false¸” I said, attempting to flip my Q&A to a playful mode. “You want to have a conversation with me but something is holding you back.”

His eyebrows arched upward. He wasn’t expecting that. And maybe because I had thrown him off his game, he couldn’t help but reply. “True.”

I was breathing so damn hard, but I needed to control myself or I’d blow it.

“True or false: You’re afraid I’ll betray your trust.”

Now his eyebrows scrunched together. He was really thinking about my question. Finally he responded, “False.”

Now I was the one taken aback, so I leaned away and caught my breath for a moment. I was so sure he didn’t trust me. But now I’d go for a different tactic, especially since he was willing to play along.

“True or false: You’re afraid you’ll start liking me.”

His jaw fell open and I realized that I might’ve pushed him too far. Fuck me and my big mouth.

“As a buddy,” I added, to cover up my mistake. “A mate.”

His shoulders relaxed immediately. “True.”

“You like hanging out with me.”

A smile quirked his lips. “True.”

“I like hanging with you, too,” I said. “I’m not trying to pry. You intrigue me is all.”

“Likewise,” he mumbled. My heart practically hurtled out of my chest and I couldn’t help gaping openly at him. “Though I don’t know why, you’re a bloody pain in the arse.”

A laugh erupted from my lips, I was so damned relieved we had found common ground. “You wouldn’t be the first person to tell me that.”

We smiled at each other for a few seconds more and I decided for the time being that I had said enough. So I got back to work while I thought all of that through. I intrigued Jude York but maybe he wasn’t gay. Or maybe he was attracted to a man for the first time and didn’t understand why. It was like he had given me a little kernel of gold and I continually rubbed my thumb over it to keep the luster alive.