She ground to a halt at his white-faced shock.
‘Your virginity?’ he rasped in a tone that could’ve flayed stone.
Perla flinched. Of course. Of all the things she’d said, that was the one he’d have picked up on. Turning around, she squeezed her eyes shut as the familiar shame dredged through her stomach.
‘Perla.’ He was right behind her, standing so close his breath washed over her exposed nape, making a shiver course through her. ‘Did you just say you were a virgin when we slept together?’ he asked, his voice spiked with emotions she couldn’t name.
Clenching her hands into tight fists, she struggled to breathe. ‘Yes.’
‘Turn around.’
‘No.’
‘You really need to stop defying me so much. There are some things I will let slide. This isn’t one of them. Turn around,’ he demanded, more forcefully this time.
Heart in her throat, she opened her eyes and turned. The gold flecks in his eyes stood out with the intensity of his stare. ‘You were married for three years. How were you still a virgin on your husband’s death?’
She affected a shrug that felt far from casual. ‘We never got round to it, I guess.’
He gripped her shoulders in an implacable hold. ‘This is not the time to be facetious. Tell me how Lowell could have a woman such as you in his bed and walk away. Why a woman who could drive any red-blooded man to his knees with just one look could remain a virgin for so long within the bounds of marriage.’
‘Because I did nothing for him!’
He frowned. ‘You refused to sleep with him?’
She laughed, or rather she attempted to laugh. The sound scraped her throat and emerged a ragged croak. ‘On the contrary, I threw myself at him. Hell, I even tried to seduce him before and after we were married. He suggested we wait. Stupid me, I thought it was the height of romantic; that he was being noble! But it turned out he didn’t want me. You want to know why? Because my husband told me on our wedding night that he was gay!’
Hazel eyes widened. ‘Lowell was gay?’
‘I’m surprised you don’t know, considering where he was when your investigators found him in Thailand.’
‘We knew he’d taken residence in a disreputable part of Bangkok when he was found but I assumed...’
‘He was whoring it up with women? No, Ari, the man I married was probably shacked up with a boyfriend when your men caught up with him. I didn’t need to be a genius to read between the lines. And I don’t need a crystal ball to know he changed the terms of his contract and plotted to crash the Pantelides tanker because he needed money to fund his secret life and the drug habit that killed him.’ Raw humiliation threatened to consume her whole, especially when he let out a crude curse.
‘Perla mou...’
‘No, I don’t want to talk about this any more. And I don’t want to discuss marriage. You’re proposing because I’m pregnant but nothing will ever convince me to get married again.’
‘Not even the welfare of your child?’
She paled and he let out another curse. Swinging her into his arms, he walked to the sofa and sat down with her in his lap.
‘This child means everything to me. I intend to give it everything it needs,’ she whispered fiercely.
‘Except a stable home and the unity of both parents.’
‘That’s a low blow, Ari. You had that for a while. But it didn’t turn out great for you either, did it?’ She regretted her answer but she had to fight back. She was no longer fighting for just herself. She had her baby to think of.
Ari’s arms tightened around her. ‘Our marriage will be different.’
‘You cannot possibly know that.’
‘I’m determined to win this fight, Perla.’
‘Why does it have to be a fight?’
‘Because you’re resisting my every effort to make you see sense.’
‘Just because I don’t see things your way doesn’t mean it’s nonsense. If this hadn’t happened, would you have ever remarried?’
The tightening of his jaw and the way his eyelids swept down gave her the answer she needed. ‘So why does it have to be different for me?’
‘Because this is no longer just about you.’
Simple words that made her breath catch. ‘I know. But this is emotional blackmail.’ And she refused to succumb to blackmail of any sort ever again.
‘It’s the truth. Tell me what your plan is for our child. Do you intend to return to your former in-laws after he or she is born, live with Lowell’s parents with another man’s child?’