* * *
Larenzo started the car; Emma was in the passenger seat, her face turned towards the window. He had no idea what she was thinking, if she still resented his presence in Ava’s life.
He’d told Emma he didn’t trust anyone, and, while that was true, he was conscious of how he was asking her to trust him with the most precious thing of all: their child. But he also knew he couldn’t change who he was, who he’d become. Trust was now an alien concept, and always would be. Even so, he could appreciate what Emma was doing.
‘Thank you,’ he said abruptly, and she turned to him warily.
‘For what?’ she asked and he cleared his throat.
‘For agreeing to live with me.’
‘When the alternative is having you sue me for custody,’ she answered after a moment, ‘there wasn’t really any question, was there?’
Guilt needled him at the realisation of how effectively he’d blackmailed her. Was he really any better than Bertrano, when he resorted to such tactics? And yet Emma would have denied him his own flesh and blood, the child he’d never expected to have, the family he’d longed for since he was a child himself.
‘Well,’ he said after a moment, ‘I’m still grateful.’ Emma did not reply.
They drove in silence for the entire hour’s journey into the city; Ava babbled and gurgled in the back seat, and by the time they approached the Lincoln Tunnel she was tired of the car and began to protest, straining against the straps of her car seat.
Emma tried to distract her with a few toys and then a rice cake, all of which entertained Ava for about three seconds before she hurled each item to the floor.
‘Sorry,’ Emma said as she glanced down at the floor of the back seat. ‘You have a sea of rice cake crumbs down there.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Are you sure you’re prepared for this?’ she asked as Ava drummed her heels against the seat. ‘Ava is a force to be reckoned with.’
‘So I can see—and hear,’ Larenzo answered dryly. ‘I don’t know if I’m prepared. But I’m willing to take it on.’ She need never doubt him in that.
‘Did you ever want children?’ Emma asked. ‘I mean, before...’
‘Before I went to prison?’ Larenzo filled in flatly. ‘I don’t know if I really thought of it. I didn’t have time for a relationship.’
‘Yet you’ve certainly had your share of women.’
His mouth tightened as he slid her a sideways glance. She’d spoken without expression, and he had no idea what she thought of that aspect of his past. Not that it actually mattered, since there would never be anything like that between them. He had nothing to offer Emma, or anyone. Not in that way. ‘I don’t deny it,’ he said after a moment.
‘Having a baby in your apartment, as well as her mother, might cramp your style a bit.’
Larenzo shook his head. ‘I’ve no interest in anything like that any more.’
Emma raised her eyebrows, clearly sceptical. ‘Larenzo, you’re what? In your mid-thirties? Surely you’re going to want a woman again.’
Want a woman. The last woman he’d been with had been Emma, and he’d wanted her almost unbearably. Just remembering the sweetness of her touch, the innocent and utter yielding of her body when he’d needed her so badly, made lust shaft through him with a sudden, painful intensity.
He shifted as discreetly as he could in his seat and kept his eyes on the road. He might have told Emma he wasn’t interested in relationships or sex any more, and in truth his libido had disappeared while he’d been in prison, along with all of his other feelings and desires. But he could feel it returning in force now.
‘What about you?’ he asked. ‘You might meet someone.’ A thought that he disliked instinctively, although he knew he had no right to.
‘I can’t even imagine meeting someone,’ Emma said with a small sigh. ‘Ava takes up all my energy.’
‘She won’t be a baby for ever.’
‘No,’ Emma said slowly. ‘But, Larenzo, this...situation can’t last for ever.’
He turned to her sharply, his eyes narrowed. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I can’t live with you for ever. I accept that it’s expedient for now, and of course it gives you time to get to know her, but eventually...I need my own life. You’ll need yours. When Ava is a little older, we can come to a custody arrangement we can both live with.’