“Not since you.” His admission released a band that had been squeezing my chest. “But before: not really. Not intentionally. I’m too scared. I feel like behind the fantasy is the fear of seeing their face when they find out, and I let a dirty word slip, push too hard, or grip too tight.”
I didn’t mean to let his words affect me, but they did. Just hearing him describe what he wanted heated me from the inside out. Not knowing what to say, too consumed by my racing heart, I let the silence stretch and fill with my heavy breathing, unable to control it.
When Kevin turned his head to face me, we were so close, I imagined he’d be able to hear the wild thump of my heart. Staring at his lips, I whispered a truth he should’ve already known. “Well then, they’re insane. If they love you, they will understand how sweet you are and that you would never hurt them. They would trust you.”
I wondered if he remembered how I knelt before him, looking up at him and admitting how much I trusted him. Was that what he would compare other women to? Or did it not even cross his mind anymore?
I swallowed hard and licked my lips. Kevin’s eyes tracked the movement of my tongue, and I felt his pinky tighten around mine before he inched a little closer. My panting was so heavy, I was sure he felt it brushing against his full lips. I wanted him to move in closer and kiss me again. Remind me of what it felt like to be taken control of. I wanted him to take it.
My eyelids drooped as I leaned closer, and the light from the back patio flicked on. We pulled our heads back and looked toward the patio door. I wondered if Kevin was struggling as much as I was to control my face into a look of innocence, rather than one filled with desire.
A second later, his mom walked out. “What are you two doing out here? It’s freezing,” she announced incredulously.
Really? Because I was going down in flames.
“Don’t worry, Mom,” Kevin shouted in a relaxed tone. “We doubled up on blankets. I’m smart like that.”
“A smart kid would be inside,” she tossed back. I loved Kevin’s parents. They were easy-going and always full of jokes. “How about you two come in and I’ll make some hot chocolate?”
“Heck, yeah,” I shouted before Kevin could answer. “If he doesn’t want to come in, I’ll drink his too.”
“Way to abandon me out in the cold,” Kevin complained on a laugh.
His mom turned toward the door, shaking her head at our bickering. Before she walked through, she asked over her shoulder, “Kevin, when are you going to be real smart and snatch up Anabelle?”
She was teasing, but it held some truth. I’d become part of their family the past few years and his mom and I got along great. She never worried about Kevin and I being more than friends after the first night at his house. She’d come upstairs to find us trash talking each other and said she’d hadn’t heard words so cruel even with his guy friends, and I became one of the guys in her eyes.
How wrong she was, for the most part.
“I ask morning, noon, and night, Mom. She keeps shooting your baby boy down.” Kevin clutched his chest in heartbreak.
His mom snorted. “Yeah, right. Maybe because she’s a smart girl.”
We laughed and began gathering up the blankets to head inside.
The moment was broken, but with every brush of our hands as we folded the blankets together added back to the tension from before. It felt like we were pulling a rubber band between us trying to keep our distance at the appropriate space. But I couldn’t help but think that the more we tugged, the more likely we would snap back together.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kevin
“Uh, Kevin? What movie is this?” Ana asked incredulously.
“I don’t know. I was just clicking through and saw Diane Lane. She’s hot,” I answered, looking over at Ana to bob my eyebrows. She rewarded me with a pillow to the face.
“Especially when she’s in the middle of a sex scene,” Ana deadpanned.
I hadn’t meant to choose that movie, but right then I was torn between regret and sitting back to watch Diane Lane getting fucked, with an uncomfortable Ana next to me. “It sure doesn’t hurt.”
We’d been home all morning with plans to watch movies the rest of the day since Ana didn’t have to work at the library and our parents were at work. It was pretty much the normal routine since Christmas break had started. Ana had refused to go to her dad’s this year, and I couldn’t say I was sad about that. Especially when she started squirming in her spot as Diane Lane’s character fought off her lover, just to have him take control and give it to her. Seeing him bite his way down her body, I was formulating a way to bring a pillow to my lap without drawing too much attention to my growing dick.