“Damn, Kev. Chill. Fine.” Sean lifted his hands, placating Kevin. But he wasn’t done with the joke. “It’s just Ana who’s into the weird shit.” I stood not wanting to hear anymore. “Hey Ana,” he shouted to my retreating back. “Is that why you never let me fuck you? I could do it now—right here. Would that turn you on to have everyone watch?” Josh and Isaac laughed and cheered. Kevin still sat in silence.
“Shut up, Sean,” Gwen growled, rising to my defense. But it was too late. The damage was done.
Somehow, I managed to walk to the front door, but as soon as my feet touched the pavement, I ran. I ran the whole way home, gasping for breath as tears streamed down my cheeks and my heart did its best to explode out of my chest.
I crashed into the house falling against the door in sobs. My mom rose from her spot on the couch and ran to me, holding me in her arms as I fell to the floor.
On her knees she held me, and I clung to her as the only thing keeping me together when all I wanted to do was sink into the floor and never come out.
“Baby, shh.” She tried to soothe me as she stroked my hair. “Baby, please. Please stop. Shh.” I could hear the tears clogging her throat. That was my mom, she felt everything with me, and I knew it was hurting her that I was hurt. Not wanting her to fall apart with me, I gathered up the last of my reserves and took deep breaths to slow the tears. “Please, Ana. Please talk to me.”
My head shook in denial. “I can’t, Mom. I just . . . I can’t. Please don’t make me tonight. I will someday. Just not tonight.” It came out on another sob I couldn’t hold back. She held me through the storm until I could calm myself.
With her hand stroking up and down my back, I made a decision. It was rash, but it was what I needed to do. “I changed my mind.” I lifted my head from her shoulder. “I want to go to Vanderbilt. Things have been hard this past year and tonight just made me see I need a fresh start. I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t want to leave you, but—”
“Hush.” She halted my stuttering words and wiped the tears from my cheeks with her thumbs. “I’ll call your father and let him know.” Her firm voice grounded me, letting me know she would take care of it. Of course, she would. She was my mom. “You taking care of yourself is the most important thing, and you know I support you no matter what. I’ll be fine.”
I licked the salt from my lips and nodded. “I want to leave tomorrow. First thing.”
“Okay, baby.” Her eyes widened in surprise, but she didn’t question me. She remained solid and supportive of what I needed.
“I should go pack. I’ll just pack the essentials so I can leave tomorrow and then get the rest of it later.” I stood on shaky legs with her help and made my way to the stairs. At the first step, I turned. “If anyone comes, don’t let them in.”
I hated seeing the worry lines in her furrowed brows. “But Kev-”
“Especially Kevin.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kevin
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
The patio swam in front of me. My stomach churned, mixing with the acrid words I’d spewed. Fuck. I’d panicked.
“You’re all drunk, and I’m done with this shit,” I growled and got up from my spot. Grasping the door jamb into the house, I had to steady my feet. Apparently, I’d had more drinks than I thought. Maybe that was the reason my brain was acting so slow and the reason the only words that had fallen out of my mouth were panic-induced, lacking all rational thought.
But I knew. It was all just an excuse, and I put myself first like a dick. I put my family first. But Ana was my family, and I’d left her to the wolves; turned my back on my best friend. Fuck.
I stumbled out of the house. It felt like it took forever to get home as I focused on keeping the pavement in front of me and not collapsing in the grass. The cool night air began sobering me up and once I reached the house, I stopped and looked up at Ana’s room. I wanted to run over there and tear down her door, demand she listen and forgive me, but the world still swayed beneath my feet and the words that had come so quick earlier in the night began to blur, and I wasn’t even sure what was said anymore. I couldn’t let her mom see me like this. Our parents were understanding, but if I’d drunkenly stumbled to her door past midnight demanding to see Ana, her mom would drag me by my ear over to my house and shove me off for my parents to punish me.