Shame Me Not

Once I set my empty plate on the coffee table, he nonchalantly asked without taking his eyes off the television, “So, Andrew?”

I wondered how long he’d been sitting on that question. “Andrew and I are just casual.”

He nodded and turned to look at me. His chocolate eyes seemed to be digging deep inside and searching for more behind my words. “Casual? Casual sex?”

If I’d been eating, I’d have choked. The direct question shocked me, and I struggled to fumble through a response. “N-no. Not that it’s any of your business.”

“I’m your best friend. Of course it’s my business.” The words were light, but the serious look in his eyes told a different story. They held an edge that let me know he didn’t like me hedging about my relationship with Andrew. They screamed that he didn’t like the idea of me with another man.

“Are you, the Kevin Harding, jealous?” I taunted, trying to lighten the mood.

He didn’t smile and didn’t even pause before answering. “Yes.”

The word constricted my lungs, and I didn’t know what to do with it. My mind scrambled for a response, taking stock of my body, trying to control my lungs and the rapid beating of my heart. What was my face doing? Did it show how shocked I was or how much I was struggling to process his response? I latched on to the first thought in my head and spit it out. “What about Katelyn?”

Shit. His smirk let me know I picked the wrong thing to say. He probably thought I was jealous since I brought her up right after he admitted to being jealous of Andrew.

“I’ve known Katelyn for a couple of years.” He shifted his position on the couch, turning to face me. “Nothing serious. We just have sex casually and infrequently.”

Yup. I was jealous.

Hearing him admit to having sex with Katelyn churned my stomach, and I fought to not curl my lip. I hated the bitch for having seen my Kevin naked. I hated her for having experienced him.

No, not my Kevin. God, I was a mess and didn’t know how to rid myself of the reaction. Didn’t know how to speak words anymore. Instead, I nodded and looked down at my hands.

“Jealous?”

I didn’t want to answer. Kevin was my friend, and we were tipping into territory we shouldn’t. No, I didn’t answer. I went one better and ended up spewing more questions that might as well have screamed that Fuck yes! I was a raging jealous woman. “Have you had the casual se-sex, recently.” Damn my stutter

“No. We have not had the casual se-sex recently,” he said with a smile.

“Don’t make fun of me.” I lifted my chin and glowered at him.

“Since when do you stutter over the word sex?” His eyes sparkled and his lips pursed like he was fighting another smile. Asshole was laughing at me.

“I don’t.”

“Oh, yeah? Prove it.”

I never backed down from a challenge from Kevin. We always battled. Mostly in games, but I had a point to prove. “Sex, sex, sex, sex. SEX!” I shouted at the end.

He laughed and the sound wrapped around me. Wiping his eyes, he got his laughter under control. “Such a dirty girl.”

“You know it,” I said.

His eyes heated, rolling over my body, leaving a burn each place they touched. We’d fallen into a dangerous place. I wanted to spread myself out and let him stroke me with more than just his gaze.

And we needed to get the fuck away from the situation. “Let’s go get ice cream,” I announced, standing up, ready to go.

He didn’t call me on my random suggestion. Just rose and got our coats.

We got ice cream at a local shop and then drove to the nearby river walk. He parked the car and opened the windows, leaving it on so we could listen to music as we sat on a bench and ate our dessert. We watched the glow of the moon in the water and listened to the sounds of the night. No one else had the bright idea to eat ice cream outside at the end of winter, so we were alone.

“How’s your mom?” he asked once we finished eating.

“She’s okay.”

“You can talk to me, Ana.”

“I know. It’s just hard to talk about.”

“Okay. Let’s try something easier. How’s your dad dealing with it?”

I laughed. “Dad is dad. Avoiding it and gruff about it. I know it upsets him, but he doesn’t really show much emotion. I never expected him to. But he’s supportive in his own way, offering to help with any medical bills. Shayla has been annoyingly supportive. Offering to come visit and bake casseroles. Of course she says prayers every night.”

We both laughed at the image. “That would be weird as hell having your stepmom taking care of your mom. I almost want to see it happen.”