Shame Me Not

“God no,” I chuckled. “The nurse aide helps do all that anyway.” I paused, wanting to lean on Kevin, but needing a moment to gather my thoughts. “The aide called today and said Mom was having a bad day. Really weak. Apparently, she rolled her ankle. She’d been feeling dizzy and stumbled. I asked for updates, but I hate them. I hate them, Kevin,” I started crying and he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his chest. “I just wish I could get a phone call with good news that doesn’t chip away at my hope.”

He held me close and we sat, listening to the music. When Secondhand Serenade came on, he wiped my tears and pulled me up. “Dance with me.”

I stepped into his arms. I was transported back to the night of prom when we danced to the same song. He’d always been able to put me back together and I knew he always would. My head fell to his chest and I let the beat of his heart against my cheek soothe me. His lips pressed into my hair and he breathed me in.

“God, I’ve missed you,” he whispered.

I didn’t want to say anything to ruin the moment. I didn’t want to talk about why he’d missed me. I couldn’t. I was too lost in the emotions swarming through me. The hurt from how I left, the betrayal I’d felt when he wouldn’t defend who we were, the lust we’d shared, the desire I still felt coursing through my veins, heating my blood. The friendship. The love.

“Kevin . . .”

He pulled back and I lifted my head, looking up at him, getting lost in his eyes. “Missed you so much,” he said again, his thumb brushing against my cheek.

I swallowed and slicked my tongue across my lips as he lowered his head. When his lips gently landed on mine, I didn’t pull away. I let myself get lost in the memories and feel the warmth in the familiarity of his mouth on mine.

The kiss started gently, but when his hand dug into my hair, he held me in place and took control, pressing harder, pulling back just enough to nip at my lips. Each bite sent a jolt straight to my core.

His tongue didn’t brush against my lips. It pressed at the seam, demanding entrance, not leaving any room for denial. But I fought anyways. I pressed them tighter together and only gave in when he growled and yanked my hair. His tongue invaded my mouth, brushing against mine, pulling a moan from deep inside my chest.

He walked me backward until I felt the rough bark of a tree against my back. His lips trailed to my ear where he bit my earlobe hard enough that I wondered if he drew blood.

“Ana.” His breath brushed against my ear. “Is this okay?”

“What?” My mind fumbled. Kevin never asked permission. It wasn’t what we did.

He pulled back to look at me, still pushing me against the bark. His serious eyes pinned me in place. “Is this okay? I don’t . . .” He paused and swallowed. “I don’t want to hurt you or bring back any bad memories.”

I turned my face, shame swallowing me. Anger burning in me that he even had to ask. Kevin’s hand lifted my chin to face him.

“Don’t look away from me,” he commanded, his tone deep and hard. It went straight to my pussy. “We’re older now. We know more now. We’ve each experienced things that changed us. Have you heard of safe words?”

I nodded. Of course I had. In my time away, I may not have had much in the way of experiences, but I sure as hell Googled.

“Give me a safe word, so I know when to stop.”

“Kevin, I’ve always trusted you.”

“I’m glad, but just for me. Please. Give me a safe word so I can feel better about everything.”

I hated that we needed one because of me, but I understood. “Summer.” It popped into my head, reminding me of summer break when everything had started.

“Good, girl.” He gripped my hair, pulling me back causing me to hit my head on the tree, and make my eyes burn. He saw them water and smiled before leaning down and devouring my lips. Owning them.

His hips thrust into me and my hands roamed his back, dropping to his ass and pulling him into me. Our hands turned frantic and I stopped thinking.

His free hand dropped to my leggings and started tugging them down. The cold air touched my bare skin, but I was too far gone to care about the temperature. My hand moved to the button on his jeans and fumbled to unfasten them, lowering the zipper. He only managed to get one of my legs free from my leggings before his dick sprung from his pants, slapping my bare thigh. I stroked him and swallowed the growl he let loose. His hand disappeared long enough to reach for a condom in his wallet and slipped it on. Fingers pushed against my wetness and I spread my legs, whimpering when his nail scraped my clit. It hurt and he knew it. Adding to the sharp scrape he left behind, he pinched it between his fingers, making me squirm before giving me relief and releasing me.