“What the ever-living hell?” Curtis yelled, simultaneously trying not to breathe in. Austin took one look at his uncle. His huge blue eyes got even huger. His chubby cheeks started to wobble. Curtis turned a condemning index finger on Noel, who was supposed to be watching her brother. “Why on earth would you let him do something like that? What the heck is wrong with you both?”
It took about two point eight seconds for the entire room to break into chaos. Austin’s cheeks went right on wobbling. His lips started going at it a few seconds later. His eyes filled up with unshed tears. He was a mess, his bottom half completely naked, sans shorts or diaper. There was a loaded package a few feet away with more questionable brown goo spilling out of it.
Curtis tore his eyes from the disgusting diaper and locked them straight on Noel’s face. She was beet-red and went from normal to a banshee right in front of him. She let out an ear-piercing squeal and burst into tears that were probably more crocodile than anything.
Of course, Lexi fell for it. His damn assistant looked at him like he just tried to murder both kids. Like he didn’t have a right to be angry about his white walls being painted in shit, a shit smeared kid and the brat who let it happen. The wailing hit new levels and Curtis wanted to slap his hands over his ears to keep them from bleeding.
“You’re an asshole,” Lexi hissed under her breath as she brushed past him. She stopped to hug Noel, patting her on the back. “It’s okay, honey. Your uncle is just out of sorts. He’s not used to dealing with kids. Don’t worry. I’m a friend of his and I’m very excited to meet you. I think we’re going to have a good time, starting with a nice warm bath. How about that? Does that sound like a deal?”
“R-r-r-really?” Noel sniffed, milking the attention for all it was worth. She’s totally eating up Lexi’s sugary sweetness.
“Of course.” Lexi dropped Noel’s hand and scooped up the other disastrous demon, carrying him underneath the armpits down the halls and the little shit producer suddenly started laughing and cooing away.
“First door on the right,” Curtis yelled. He didn’t exactly want to be helpful, but shit. He didn’t want any more shit anywhere else in the house. If Lexi wanted to wash that little beast off, she could be his guest.
He almost felt bad for her. Ten thousand didn’t seem like enough to deal with that kind of crap. Literally. Then again, he was shelling out ten grand and that was a ridiculous amount, by anyone’s standards, so instead of tackling the disgusting wall and the sack of shit on the floor, he turned and stalked straight to the kitchen.
It was just after six. Time to make some fucking macaroni and cheese and send those brats straight to bed. Hopefully, they’d stay there. He’d lined the spare bed with garbage bags just in case Noel had an accident. He wasn’t sure about four-year olds and their potty training. What age did kids start that anyway? Just because she came without a diaper on didn’t mean that she could be trusted any more than Shit Smearer could. Austin, at least, would be contained in the portable crib thing his sister dropped off along with the entire army of other crap that the two beasts apparently needed to stay alive for two days.
Deeper in the house, the taps turned on and the sound of water echoed softly. A few seconds later, as Curtis was reaching into the cupboard in the kitchen for a pot, his niece’s bubbly laughter followed by her screaming something about the poop washing off Austin, echoed up to him.
Jesus Christ. How the hell did I get myself into this? Right. His sister invited him out for a beer at her place and while he was half loaded, seeing as her husband was drinking him under the table, she sprung it on him. She needed a vacay. A little time away from the kids. (Fucking obviously!) They needed time for themselves. Adult time. He’d never watched the kids. He did whatever he could to not hang out with them. Didn’t he love them? His own niece and nephew? His own flesh and blood? She’d laid it on thick. It was a simple equation that got him in the entire mess. Half cut plus guilt equaled him agreeing to watch the hell spawns for a few days, even though he knew absolutely nothing about kids. Even though he hated kids. No exceptions. Not even his niece and nephew. People were right when they said that the best form of birth control was making people take care of other people’s kids.