“Even if that’s true, I don’t care.” I turned my face toward hers. “And after what he did to me, I don’t know why you would want me to forgive him anyway.”
“Forgiveness will set you free. Holding a grudge will kill you. At least that’s what I’ve learned in my experience…”
“This man is practically a stranger to me, Cherry. You really think I can just forgive him and forget the last five years?”
“I never said anything about forget.”
“I think forgiveness is harder than forgetting.” You could block out terrible memories if you really wanted to. But to truly forgive someone for their heinous crimes was too much. For the last five years, I’d had to put up with Coen and Simone at every family event like their relationship was perfectly acceptable. “He didn’t apologize to me when it happened. So, it seems ridiculous to apologize now.”
“I think you’re still very angry and need more time.”
“You could give me eternity, and it wouldn’t change anything.”
“But yet, you protected your brother… That sounds like love to me.”
“You can love someone and hate them at the same time.” My love for him existed only because our DNA was so similar. There was no other reason. He was my blood, and I had to protect him out of obligation.
“No…I don’t think that is possible. I think you want to hate him, but you can’t. I think pretending to despise him helps you cope. It’s understandable that you need more time. I’m sure Coen can give that to you.”
“He can give me all the time in the world. It’s not going to change anything.”
8
Monroe
Slate left in the morning before I did.
I filled my thermos with coffee then headed to the elevator doors just as Coen came down the stairs. He was dressed in a designer suit with his satchel over his shoulder. A shiny watch was on his wrist, but his wedding ring was absent.
“Good luck today.”
“Thanks,” he said, giving me a rueful smile. “I’m sure it’ll go terribly.”
“Remember, nothing is ever as good or as bad as you think it’ll be.”
“I’m not sure if that applies in my case.” He chuckled slightly then hit the button on the wall.
“Last night didn’t go well, huh?”
He shook his head as he slid his hand into his pocket. “No. But I can’t blame him for feeling that way. What I did was pretty fucked up, and I never handled it correctly. It just happened so fast at the time. Simone seduced me, fed me lies, and tricked me. She turned me against my own brother like she’d done it a hundred times. She purposely ripped us apart…and I hate myself for allowing that to happen. I believed all of her lies, but seeing how my brother had my back when she stabbed me…made me realize none of that was true.”
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
“Me too.” When the doors opened, he stepped inside.
I joined him. “But don’t give up on him. I know he’ll forgive you. He just needs more time.”
“How much time?”
“A lot of time, unfortunately.” The doors shut, and we rode the elevator to the bottom floor. “So, he told you about us?”
“Yeah, he mentioned it. I believe what he said, but I don’t buy the context.”
“What does that mean?” We crossed the lobby together, our shoes tapping against the tile as we made our way through the double doors and to the sidewalk. There were two doormen who always opened the door to residents, day and night. That would be so nice to have at my new apartment, but I would never be able to afford that.
“He says he paid for you. But I see the way you two are together. There’s more there than some kind of transaction. He cares about you a lot, more than he will admit. When I saw you two together for the police charity event, I thought my brother was head over heels in love.”
“That’s just because you haven’t seen him with anyone.”
“No.” He stopped on the sidewalk and gave me a firm look. “I see my brother all the time. I see him when he’s angry, annoyed, excited. I’ve seen him through every emotion under the sun. But with you…the guy is happy. Really happy.”
After I got off work, I took the train to Brooklyn to check out an apartment listing. It was more expensive than I would usually pay in rent so I knew it was a little nicer than what I was used to, but I was willing to fork over some extra cash so Slate would get off my ass.
It was a one-bedroom apartment with a nice size kitchen, a living room that could fit more than one sofa, and the bedroom had a master bathroom. The neighborhood was decent, and it was really close to the subway station.