I started to breathe hard, my heart rate suddenly explosive.
“I thought he would make a move on his own, but he never did. So, I asked him about it—”
“That was the fight you had, wasn’t it?” That was why Deacon was so cold to me, turning back into the mean man he used to be.
“The conversation was a bit intense…yeah.”
This was getting worse.
“Anyway, I wanted to explain why—”
“He doesn’t need to explain why he doesn’t want to be with me, Tucker. Our relationship is professional, and it should stay that way.”
“Could you just let me talk?” he snapped.
I turned quiet, crossing my arms over my chest.
“He told me some stuff about his relationship with Valerie…and I had no idea it was that bad. I had no idea how toxic it was, how miserable he was. He never tells me stuff like that, but he just exploded…”
I didn’t want to know the details. It would just hurt. That man didn’t deserve anything except the best.
“And he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship again, that it’s just too soon for him, that he thinks every relationship will be like what it was with Valerie. I tried to talk him down, explain to him that it won’t be that way again…but he was unwilling to listen.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I want you to be patient with him. Just give him some time. He’ll come around.”
My heart was still racing.
“I think you’re the right person for him…and I feel stupid for not realizing that sooner.”
My eyes softened. “So…he knows how I feel about him?”
He shook his head. “Every time I try to tell him, he says I’m making assumptions when I shouldn’t be. You know how he is, he takes everything literally. Unless you look him in the eye and say it straight, he’ll assume your feelings are unknown.”
I sighed in relief, grateful Deacon couldn’t see what was right in front of his face. “Thank god.”
“I see the way he is with you, the way he lights up when you walk into the room, the way he’s so comfortable with you…the way he talks about you. I’ve known him his entire life, and I’ve never seen him that way with anyone.”
“If that’s the truth, why did he let you date me?”
He shrugged. “He’s never actually told me he has feelings for you—he dances around it.”
Sadness hit me hard. “So, you’re making an assumption…”
“Yes. But come on.”
“Deacon isn’t like other men—”
“I realize that. But I think he does. Whether he truly realizes it or not, the feelings are there. So, I think if you gave it enough time, he would be open-minded about having a relationship again. He’s just so burned by Valerie…”
“I know. But you have to keep in mind, they’ve only been divorced for a few months. That’s not that much time. It took me a year to really feel good again.”
“That’s understandable.”
“And Deacon is deep and complicated, he responds to things differently than we do. His memory is a million times stronger than ours, so while it’s been months of separation, to him, it’s like it just happened. I appreciate what you’re trying to do…but Deacon might need years to recuperate.”
His eyes filled with disappointment.
“Deacon is my boss anyway. I can’t date one of my clients. We have a strict policy about that.”
He sighed.
I felt the disappointment hit me hard, realized how much I wanted Deacon when I couldn’t have him, realized how invested I was in him as a man because he gave me so much joy. And it hurt. “It’s just not meant to be…”
Tucker was quiet for a long time, taking the news hard, like he hadn’t dated me himself for six weeks. Then he spoke. “But I think it is meant to be. I think you’re the right person for him…and he’s the right person for you.”
Seven
Deacon
“This is amazing, honey.” Mom sat across from me, slicing into her tender salmon fillet before dipping it in the sauce. “I didn’t know you could cook like this.”
I shrugged.
“Anyone teach you?”
“YouTube.”
She chuckled and continued to eat. “So, how was the office?”
I tried to appreciate the time with my mother rather than be suffocated by the questions and the attention. Now that my mother was around all the time, I didn’t see Cleo much. There wasn’t any time for us to just have a conversation. It made me miss her, made me miss how easy it was to talk to her. “Fine. I was in the lab all day. I processed the data I collected from my patients.”
“I hope you find what you’re looking for. I’m so proud of you.”
When she said things like that, it did mean something to me, made my chest tight. “Thanks, Mom.”
She continued to eat, letting it grow quiet. “How are things with Valerie? Keeping it civil?” Her tone darkened, making it clear she didn’t like Valerie at all without even saying it. She knew she’d cheated on me, and not because I’d told her, but because it made the news.