“What’s your favorite movie?”
“Fuck, I have to decide my favorite movie?” His laugh lights up his eyes. “I’m not a list guy.”
“It was your idea.”
“Can’t think right now.” He places one hand on my thigh. Runs his thumb over my skin. “Something is distracting me.”
My eyes flutter closed as he drags his thumb higher and higher—
Fuck.
More.
Yes.
Please.
“Holden—”
“I love the way you say my name.”
“I do too.”
“Fuck, Daisy—” He pulls me into another kiss. A faster one this time.
His tongue slips into my mouth. Dances with mine.
I lean into his touch.
He pulls back with a sigh. “I’m gonna fuck you senseless—”
“Now.”
“After this conversation.” He brings his hands to my hips. Helps me off his thighs. Onto the chair next to him. “I… I really fucking like talking to you.”
“Me too.”
“No, it’s… I’ve never felt like that before. Don’t get me wrong. I love shooting the shit. With anyone. But I’ve never wanted to talk to a girl as much as I wanted to fuck her.”
“Is that a compliment?”
“Absolutely.” His eyes meet mine. They fill with something I can’t quite place. Something between I really like fucking you and I really fucking love you. “How about this? You tell me about the last book you read. What you liked and what you didn’t. And I’ll tell you if it sounds too harsh.”
“Okay.” I recall my last read. A YA book. A romance. It was pretty good. Entertaining. Sweet. But too manufactured. The characters never seemed real. They were inconsistent. And not in a moody teenager kind of way.
I look to Holden.
Then I string together the best summary I can. Everything I liked. Everything I hated. Ways the book could have been better. If the author had only cut that chapter about the ex-boyfriend. And given the best friend a real motive.
I mean, why would the best friend try to fuck things up for no reason? Who does that? Who stays friends with someone like that?
He hangs on every word.
When I finish, I bring my eyes to his. Brace for the usual commentary about my high standards.
But he doesn’t say that.
He looks me in the eyes and says, “I bet you’d be a great editor.”
“What?” That’s… not what I expected.
“I haven’t read that book, but I can tell… that’s dead on. Honest. Helpful. Insightful. I don’t know shit about books or writing or editing. Maybe the industry is dead. Maybe you’re better off learning to love programming.”
“Please no.”
He chuckles. “But I do know… that was smart. Really smart.”
“You think so?”
“I know so.” He squeezes my palm. “And maybe I’m distracted by your pretty eyes. Or your perfect tits. Or how much I want to hear my name roll off your lips. But I don’t think it’s too much. I don’t think you’re too harsh or critical or negative. Yeah, you’re still a little high strung. But, Daisy, when you relax, when you lose yourself—you’re so fucking full of joy. I… I really love it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He leans in. Brings his lips to mine.
I kiss him back with everything I’ve got.
There’s more in it this time. Things neither of us are saying.
Promises we shouldn’t make.
I let my body make them anyway.
After our kiss breaks, he stands and pulls me out of my chair. “I want to talk to you all day.”
“Yeah?”
“But, first, I have to make you come.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Daisy
The sun fills the bedroom with a soft glow. It’s beautiful. Like we really are in heaven.
We are.
This whole trip is a slice of paradise.
I don’t know what happens tomorrow, but I have today. I have this.
God, I want so much of this.
Holden presses me against the wall. He takes one of my hands. Brings it over my head. Looks down at me. Is this okay?
Hell yes. I nod with everything I’ve got.
He locks eyes with me as he brings my other arm over my head. He presses his palm into my wrists, holding me in place.
Then his eyelids flutter closed.
He brings his lips to mine.
There’s no patience in his kiss. Only pure, raw need. It pours from him to me. It swallows me whole.
Does he need me that much?
As much as I need him?
Does he also want this to go forever?
Well, maybe not forever. But for… for longer than today. Longer than next week. Longer than my first semester and my second and—
My thoughts dissolve as his tongue slips into my mouth.
I asked him to show me how to get out of my head. How to drop my inhibitions. How to just let go and feel it.
I meant it.
I still mean it.
He’s still showing me. I just have to follow his lead.
I really, really want to follow his lead. To soak up every second of this.
Because, really, anything could happen tomorrow. Even if today were a normal day. Even if we were a normal couple. If we’d exchanged I love yous or promises of forever or goddamn wedding vows.