Sitting in the last pew in church, I looked up, not even sure what I was doing there. I was hoping I would get the answers I needed. I sat there for much longer than I needed to, and one of the parishioners came over to me.
“Son, you look lost,” he said as he sat down next to me. I didn’t say anything to him. “I know that look,” he said to me, looking ahead. “I’ve had the same look.”
“How did you get found?” I asked, not expecting his answer.
“Military,” he said proudly. “Band of brotherhood. Strangers one minute, family the next. I would die for each and every one of them.” He said the words, and when I walked into the recruitment office the next day, I felt like a piece of my puzzle was back in its place.
The sound of thunder makes me open my eyes just in time to see the lightning come through the window. I take another pull of the whiskey as Emily’s words replay in my head. The whiskey numbs the pain, and when I finish the bottle, it slips from my fingers at the same time as my eyes close and the thunder crashes again.
“Stay down!” Trevor yells from behind me, and the sound of bombs explode all around us. We are going in for a rescue mission. We were given orders eight hours ago, and they just dropped us. But they were ready for us.
“Let’s go,” Jason says from beside me as we get on our stomach and keep our head down. My heart pounds in my chest. We trained for this, and we are the best of the best for this. We both looke up at the same time, scanning the area to see where the other members are. We’ve been together for the last three years. My brothers, the ones I walk beside, the ones who carry me on their shoulders.
“On three,” he says. I get ready, and on three, we all spring into action. My gun is ready to fire, and I look over, seeing all of us dressed the same as we make our way to the building. It happens so fast that none of us see it. The first bomb strikes near us, and my ear buzzes right away as we are thrown off our feet. My head hits hard, and all I can hear is more bombs around us.
“Fuck, I’m hit.” I hear from beside me, but I can’t move. I try to keep my eyes open, but they shut as the sound of bullets whizz around me. I must be hit, I think to myself. This is it. I feel myself being carried and think it is the end, and the only thing that flashes through my head is Emily. I hear voices around me, and then I’m thrown on the ground, and I hear four more thuds.
They start talking in Arabic. “Four are dead,” one of them says.
I keep my eyes closed as I hear footsteps walk away. I make the mistake of opening my eyes, and one of them kicks me in my ribs. I’m about to say something when the same foot that kicked my ribs aims for my face.
I wake up yelling with my body trembling. My T-shirt is soaked through with sweat, and it takes me a second to look around and get my bearings. I try to get up, but my knees are still weak, so I fall right back down. I force myself to walk to the bedroom where I take an ice-cold shower. My hands rub the scars that the mission left me with. Scars that made me see so many things and want to come back home. I don’t bother going back to bed; instead, I head to the gym and push my body, and when the sun comes up, the barn door opens and Casey comes in.
“Got your text,” he says to me, and I can see he’s been up a while. “What the fuck were you doing up at three thirty in the morning?”
“Thinking,” I say, dropping the dumbbells I’m holding. I don’t tell him that the nightmare kept me up all night or that I still have flashbacks. I will, just not yet.
“You know that it is never a good thing,” he says, walking in and looking around at all the equipment. “This gym was a good idea. Olivia’s idea.” He smiles. “She has the best ideas sometimes.”
“I’ll thank her the next time I see her,” I say, and then I grab the water bottle. “I want to know everything.” He just eyes me. “I want to know everything you told them.”
“Does it matter?” He puts his hands on his hips.
“Yes,” I say, looking out at the sun now high in the sky. “If I’m going to mend bridges, I need to know what you told them.”