“I don’t drink it now, either,” she tells me and smiles. “I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
I laugh at her now. “I can make tea.” I open the fridge. “I have some tea already made if you want it cold.”
“That sounds good,” she tells me as I fill a glass. She takes it from me and turns to walk out to sit back on the swing. I walk behind her and sit next to her, rubbing my hands on my legs to make the nerves go away.
“This is weird, right?” she asks, bringing the tea to her lips. “Us sitting here like this.”
“I don’t think it’s weird per se.” I smile at her. “Awkward, maybe, but not weird.” She looks ahead. “I want to get to know you again,” I say, and she looks over at me. “I want to know what your favorite thing to eat is. I want to know that you still don’t drink coffee but drink tea. I want to know—” I’m about to say something else when she cuts me off.
“You want to know what you missed in the five years you’ve been gone.” She finishes the sentence for me. “I don’t know if I can do that,” she says softly. “Getting over you was the hardest thing I had to do in my whole life.” Her hands start to shake, and I want to reach out and hold her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips. “I don’t know if I can do it again.” She wipes a tear away.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I say. “I’m staying.”
“For how long?” she asks, and I look over at her.
“I told you I wanted it back, and I meant it. I want you back. I want my life back.” She is about to say something, but I hold up my hand. “I know I have to earn it back, and that is my goal. I’ve never gotten over you.” I look at my hands. “I wanted to wait before I told you this story, the whole story, but I’ll share a little bit of it. I died five months ago,” I say, and the tears fall as soon as I say the words. “I died, and the only thing on my lips was your name.”
“Ethan.” She whispers my name.
“The next time I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital bed. I didn’t even know what happened to me until five months later. It came crashing back to me one night in a nightmare. I was back in that dark dungeon of a room lying on the dirt. Lying there with my eyes barely open and the taste of metal in my mouth, I told God that if I survived this, I would come home. I would face my family. I wanted it back. I wanted to hug my mother and tease her for being so small. I wanted to stand by my father and have him be proud of me. I wanted him to slap me on the shoulder and then give me a hug. I wanted to tease Chelsea and Amelia about boys. I wanted to be the one they came to with problems. I wanted to go riding with my brothers, but most of all.” I look at her, making sure she sees my eyes. “I wanted to be the man who stood beside you and made you smile. I wanted my life back.”
“Ethan …” she says, and I don’t know if she wants to tell me it will never happen. I don’t know what she’s going to say because the sound of thunder makes her jump. Neither of us says anything as we look out at the rain that is now pouring down. I don’t want to say anything in case she decides that she is going to go, so I just sit here and take in the moment. The downpour doesn’t last long before the clouds move out, and the sun shines bright. “Okay.”
“What?” I look over at her and see that she has tears running down her face.
“Okay, we can get to know each other,” she says. “As friends, if nothing more comes of it.”
“Was he telling the truth?” I look at her. “Did you never sleep with him?”
She gets up now. “That’s none of your business.” She puts the glass down and then tries to walk away, but I grab her hand, and she stops and looks down, seeing her hand in mine.
“I haven’t been with anyone either,” I say and let go of her hand. “I just wanted you to know.” She doesn’t say anything. She just walks down the steps and around to the front of the house. I want to follow her and see if our kisses still make my whole body come alive, but instead, I give her the space she needs.