“I want you to. I want you to meet my mother.” I smiled widely even though tears were already forming in my eyes.
Taking a deep breath, Matthew, my new friend, gently opened the folded paper.
My dearest Aria,
I want to start this letter off by telling you that Mama loves you. I am so proud of the lovely lady you have become. I love you. I love you more than you can possibly imagine.
I bet you wonder why I speak of love so easily when you have grown up seeing anything but between your father and me. You have seen hate, cruelty and misery from a man we are supposed to love. For that I will forever be sorry to you. You should have never had to grow up with so much heartache, pain, and darkness all around you. I tried to shield you from the pain at first, but even my motherly protection could not save you from your father’s demons. And that is what they are—demons.
He wasn’t always this man you know and most likely hate. I fell in love with a man who, although could have moments of darkness, had more good than bad. His heart was cracked, but I thought I had the ability to cure him. I thought I could heal the pain that caused him such internal nightmares. I was wrong. The crack only grew, and the darkness overtook whatever kindness I once saw in your father.
I fell in love with him as a young girl. He was a few years older than me and felt he had to protect me from all the bad in the world. We used to sit for hours and hours talking about our hopes and dreams. He wanted to have a large farm with cows, horses, and rows and rows of wheat for as far as the eye could see. I know this seems crazy considering who he is now, but it’s the truth. He wanted ten children—which I always argued against but would have given him had he remained the person I fell in love with. Your father had a tough life. He grew up in the life of crime, and it chose him whether he wanted it or not. His two older brothers beat him daily. He almost died one summer because a brother of his took a pistol to his head. His father did nothing because he believed it would make him become a stronger man. I was the only one your father had to count on. Everyone in his life showed him hate, but I chose to show him love.
I’m not excusing your father for his violence, only hoping I can explain some of the reason for it. And I want you to know that he changed. I guess there is a part of me that thinks with enough love and patience from you and me… as well as forgiveness, he may change once again. He may someday be the man I once loved. It may not be too late for him to be the father that you deserve. And if that day does not happen in this lifetime, then I am sorry. I am sorry you never got to meet the man that I did.
He was a good man.
But I have no regrets. I loved. I lived. I didn’t hide from my feelings and my beliefs. And I did love your father. I still do. I allowed my heart to go to him freely, and because of that, I got you. You are my one true love, and I would suffer whatever consequences God has in store in order to get the treasure I have in you. Being a mother is the greatest gift and achievement anyone could receive. There is a love for your kin stronger than words can explain. I would die for you. I would give my very last breath just so you can be happy. I love you so very much.
I worry that because you have grown to see such venom, you will never allow your beautiful heart to love. Or that you will feel you deserve the same sort of man as your father. Or worse yet, that you won’t believe that love can exist. It can, my little Aria. It can. There will be a man who will love you for everything that makes you you. There will be a man who can lead, who can protect, who can offer you his entire heart. There will be a man who can give you a child, or children, so you can experience the joy I have had in raising you. He will give you a home.
I don’t know if I will still be alive when you read this letter. I hope so. I hope that I am around when you find the man of your dreams and get married. I hope I can be a grandmother to your children and help guide you in their upbringing. But if I can’t, if I am no longer there for you, please take my words and my advice to heart.