“Yeah, of course, Gwen. Call me if you need anything. I’m always here.”
“Thanks Matty, give my love to Misty.”
“Will do, Gwen, bye.”
I took the phone from my ear and stared down at it blankly.
“Baby,” Cade called, lifting my chin to look at him gently.
“Jimmy is dead,” I told him, my voice flat.
Cade looked at me carefully and stroked my face, gathering me deeper into his arms. I relaxed into them letting his strong body and manly scent comfort me.
“I don’t feel anything,” I said, turning my gaze up. “Nothing. Not sad, not happy, just detachment. It just feels like news.” Maybe it was the fact I was going to be a mother and had a child to think about, or the fact that my life was amazing. Nothing could taint it.
Cade was rubbing my shoulders, his eyes burning into mine, searching for the truth in my words, no doubt worrying for me. I seriously loved this man.
“That’s good baby,” he said evenly, calmly.
I was surprised. I expected him to have more of a reaction. One thing about my man was that he didn’t hide his emotions, well, anger at least. All of a sudden, a thought turned my blood to ice.
“You don’t seem surprised,” I whispered, trying to step out of his arms. They tightened around me. He was silent for a beat, face blank.
“No, Gwen, I’m not.” His voice was flat.
“You knew about this?” I stepped back fully, Cade let me. “Please tell me it’s because you have some kind of Google alert on his name or friends at the prison.”
Cade pulled at his neck, muscles bulging as he did so. “Yeah, baby, I’ve got friends at the prison,” he replied softly, his meaning clear.
“You had something to do with this?” I asked, wishing him to tell me otherwise.
He continued watching me, stepping towards me, freezing as I flinched away.
“I couldn’t let him go on breathing after what he did to you Gwen. He needed to be taken care of. I didn’t want any more chances of him hurting you again.” His voice was void of emotion. As a matter of fact, it was like we were discussing what to have for dinner, not him ordering a hit on someone.
“He couldn’t hurt me again!” I yelled at him. “He was locked up for life. He was paying for his crimes, for every single person he hurt.”
Cade stiffened, his fists clenched. “That wasn’t enough for me, Gwen. I couldn’t sleep at night knowing someone who hurt the most precious thing in my life was still in this world.”
“And how do you think I’m going to sleep at night knowing the man I love ordered a hit on someone?” I all but screeched. “It isn’t up to you to play judge, jury and executioner! How am I going to keep on living like this? Am I going to have to worry whether you’re going to off someone for stealing my parking spot, or getting the last pair of shoes I wanted?” My voice was still loud, maybe bordering on hysterical.
“Jesus Gwen! This is different and you know it. I’m not a fucking monster. I’m not like him!” Cade exploded, temper flaring.
My temper was threatening to match his, which may or may not have been due to pregnancy hormones.
“Maybe not yet Cade! But when human life means so little to you, when it’s so easy to end it with just a phone call, who knows where that will take you. I’m not living like that my…” I cut myself off from saying ‘my child will not live like that.’
The look of rage and hurt on Cade’s face cut through me like a knife.
“Fuck this!” he roared. “Fine, Gwen, if you don’t want to live with a monster, then I’m gone, I won’t be a part of tainting your life any more!” He pushed past me, slamming the front door. I heard the roar of Harley pipes as he hurtled down the driveway.
“Shit,” I muttered to myself. I sank to the floor, tears streaming down my face, my hand lightly cradling my stomach.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I woke up early the next morning to a rolling stomach. I quickly pulled back the covers to Cade’s bed and made it to the bathroom in time. After divesting my stomach of last night’s chicken, I placed my head against the cold porcelain, a feeling of dread washing over me remembering the disaster of last night.
After I had a little breakdown on the floor, I finished making dinner, made Cade a plate and put it in the fridge. I went to bed early, hoping to wake up to Cade, so we could sort things out. It was morning and the bed was empty. He hadn’t come home. I didn’t know what to think about the fact that he was the one who was responsible for Jimmy’s death. I did know I really hurt him, basically calling him a monster. There was no way I could agree with ending someone’s life even if he was a scum bug of epic proportions. But I couldn’t say I was sorry that Jimmy was dead. It was like a weight gone from my shoulders. That also scared me. I was telling the truth when I said those things to Cade last night, if you have someone who loves you enough to kill for you, where do they draw the line? What justifies ending someone’s life in the name of someone else? I shook my head, this was all too much to handle on top of an unplanned pregnancy. I knew I had to talk to Cade. He would be at the clubhouse, and I could only hope the big mouths over there hadn’t uttered a word about my little bun. I swear they were worse than women. My phone started ringing, I jumped, hoping it would be Cade, but looking down at the display it was my mother. I frowned and let it ring. I couldn’t deal with talking to her just now, I needed to sort things out with my man first before informing her she would be a grandmother.