“How did you develop this disciplined approach to yourself? Was it the military? Or did you always have it?”
“I think I’ve always had some of it, but the military and war especially will shape it into you. There is no other way to exist in that world without this way of feeling.”
Our waiter came a few minutes later and we ordered a few steaks and a couple of beers. Then we sat in silence for a minute or so. It could have been awkward if I cared enough for it to be so. But it wasn’t. Finally, Zion spoke up.
“So, we should talk about the kiss that almost happened.”
I looked her square in the eyes. She wasn’t bluffing or backing down and neither was I. She was a tough one. I liked that.
“What about it?”
“Well, it’s something, right?”
“What’s it supposed to be? We had the mood and then it was over. It Was rudely interrupted by that clown cop, but it was over. And it’s been over.”
“Just like that? Those feelings are gone?”
“What feelings? I had an itch I thought you might be able to scratch.” I was being a bit cold and callous, but it was important that this woman knew that I wasn’t interested in anything serious. If she wanted to go for a roll in the hay then that would be a grand old time, but nothing more serious would come from it.
I couldn’t risk that sort of thing right now. I had worked too hard to piece my life back together. I just didn’t need the complication.
“Is that all there was to it? Or are you just afraid there might be a bit more?” she asked.
Wow, she was laying it on thick. I liked that in a woman.
I smiled and shrugged. “I guess that’s something you’ll have to keep wondering. Right now, I just can’t get involved with someone.”
“Why? You don’t seem all that busy. In fact, you seem pretty lonely.”
“No, I’m solitary, not lonely.”
“What’s the difference?”
“One is a choice; the other isn’t.”
She nodded.
“Ok,” she said. “I think I understand.”
We finished dinner in relative peace and enjoyment, but I did catch the occasional innuendo and I might have given her back a few. Yeah, we were playing the game, but I wasn’t sure what would happen with it. She knew where I stood but I wasn’t sure where she did.
I would just have to find out.
Chapter 5
Zion
Work was strange. It had been the first day back, too, but somehow it felt even worse now. I wasn’t sure what had changed but everyone was now staring at me strangely. It was like I’d died and come back as some kind of a zombie. People were just being so strange to me and the whole vibe really gave me the creeps.
But I was past it. Or at least I was trying to be. I was really trying to follow Bill’s advice and just move on with my life and try to ignore the fact that there were deranged psychos trying to kill me. It was tough to concentrate on my duties, but I was doing the best that I could under the circumstances.
I spent most of the morning in my office under paperwork. I hadn’t been that productive yesterday so I was holed up in there trying to get caught back up, and by one in the afternoon I was for the most part. As I stood up to leave for lunch, I realized I had to piss like a racehorse.
I hurried down the hallway to the ladies’ room. It felt like a huge weight was being released off of me as I finally managed to go. I wasn’t aware how long I’d been holding it in, but when I get really focused on something then the rest of the world stops around me.
As I sat there on the toilet finishing my deed, I heard something strange. It was the sound of the door being opened very slowly. Then I heard heavy footsteps walking into the room. I was alone in there with this person, whoever they were. As they walked past my stall, I could see dark shoes from underneath gliding across the floor. I couldn’t even tell if they belonged to a woman or not.
Was it one of them? Did they track me down somehow here and slip in past my flimsy protection? Dammit, I wish Bill was here. I knew he had work to do and I didn’t want him to neglect anything, but I needed him here. He advised me to stay home from work for the time being but I couldn’t do that.
He basically told me “Good luck” and let me be on my way, which I actually liked. He was helping me but he wasn’t about to try to hold my hand and coddle me through this. He didn’t assume that just because I was a woman that I was totally helpless here. I appreciated that. And I admired his stoicism a bit.