Ryler’s eyes blaze with passion. “I know that, but it’s—you’re worth the risk.”
“I shouldn’t be.” My head tips forward so my hair is hiding the shame in my expression. “Not until you know the whole truth about me. That I’m just as dangerous as he is.”
Ryler tangles his fingers through my hair, and tucks a few stray strands behind my ear. “Why do you say that?”
“Because,” I whisper, shutting my eyes.
Don’t speak, or I will cut off your tongue.
I’m so tired of being silent, though.
So tired.
Besides, if he knew I was crazy, then maybe he’d run.
Or maybe he wouldn’t.
He did almost kill someone himself.
“I killed someone once,” I admit.
Whether I can trust Ryler or not, it’s too late. I’ve already divulged too much, and there’s no going back.
I stare at my hands and flex my fingers, unable to look him in the eye. “It was in self-defense… But still, I have blood on my hands.”
It grows so silent you can hear the rain splashing against the windows. Ryler cranks on the windshield wipers, but still doesn’t drive forward.
“What did the man do to you?” he signs when I dare meet his gaze again. Astonishingly, he appears more curious than horrified. I wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction.
“The guy I killed… He was raping a girl,” I say, my voice unsteady. “His name was Defertoan. At least, that was his nickname. He was with that bodyguard Evan has, Taggers, the big guy with the hairy knuckles. They were both raping this girl, and then they came after me. Something snapped inside me and instead of giving up, I fought back and ended up bashing a rock against Defertoan’s head… He died.”
Ryler’s forehead creases. “Of course you wouldn’t give up. Why would you say that?”
I lift my shoulders and shrug. “That’s what I was taught to do. At least, when it comes to my father’s world. Never fight, talk back, or do anything other than obey. Of course, out in real world…” I bite down on my tongue. That’s the second time I’ve almost let Ralingford slip out. Uttering the town’s name would be the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, one I’m unsure I want to make yet. “You seem so surprised by the things I say. Just how far have you gone into Donny Elderman’s world?”
He shakes his head, irritated. “Apparently not that far.” He pauses, his puzzlement deepening. “What did they do to do you? I mean, after you killed Defertoan, how were you punished?”
I think about lying, but I’ve already gone headlong into this mess, so far submersed in the truth that before I know it, I’ll probably be drowning. Literally. When my father finds out—because he always finds out—he’ll drop me into the center of the lake with a weight strapped to my ankle and watch me drown.
I sweep my hair to the side and turn my back toward Ryler. With a trembling hand, I lift up the hem of my green velvet shirt. “He took a piece of me.”
Ryler’s breath catches in his throat. Moments later, his fingers brush across my side. His hand is shaking, and his uneasiness makes me warm inside. That might make me sound like a complete lunatic, but his shocked reaction means he’s more human than most of Donny Elderman’s men.
My heart beats five times before I lower my shirt and twist back around.
“What exactly did he do to you?” The anger blazing from Ryler’s eyes startles me.
“He… He took my kidney.” I close my eyes, remembering what it felt like when it happened. I was sedated, but awake, so I was aware of what was happening but couldn’t feel anything.
Story of my life.
“Why would he do that? Just to punish you?”
“That, and my mother needed one. There was something wrong with hers, they were shutting down or something. The town doctor came and did surgery… gave her mine. The thing is, I probably would have agreed to do it if they’d asked.” Maybe. Sometimes I wonder if I love my mother that much, which makes me a horrible person.
“I’m sorry that happened to you… the pain you must have gone through…” Ryler’s jaw tightens as he absentmindedly brushes a finger across the scar on his throat. “God, Emery, how could anyone do this to you?”
“Well, I did kill someone.”
“In self-defense.”
“But I wanted to kill him. I wanted to make him pay for hurting that girl and trying to hurt me” The truth is almost too much. “I think I might be like my father. I think killing came too naturally.”
“No, I don’t believe that at all. You’re nothing like your father. At all. You’re good and sweet and pure. You just haven’t had a chance to be that person yet.”
“I tried… When I came to Laramie, I was trying to be that person, but my old life followed me.” The madness I ran from chased me down and seized hold of me again.
Ryler’s lips part, but the vibration of a phone cuts him off. He offers me an apologetic look before reaching into his boot and retrieving his phone. His fingers move across the buttons, the screen illuminating through the darkness. It’s just enough light to give me a glimpse of who he’s texting.
My father.
I focus on the rain falling from the sky and drizzling down the windshield.
Truth and trust, they coincide. I’ve put a lot of trust in Ryler, spilled secrets people would kill me for.
Either it’ll eventually set me free—he’ll set me free.
Or it’ll end up killing me
In the end, the choice is his.
Chapter 14
Deeper into the Rabbit Hole I Sink
Emery
We make the rest of the short drive to Evan’s house in silence. Ryler doesn’t tell me what my father texted him about, nor does he continue trying to get me to open up to him. He seems rather agitated, distracted, and remorseful. It has me concerned that perhaps he realized what a huge mistake it was prying me open like that.
Doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. And now I have to pay.
My heart aches inside my chest, though, and my body feels completely numb. I care about Ryler more than I’ve realized.
By the time we make it to Evan’s, Ryler’s demeanor changes from agitated to calm and composed. Ever since I found out Ryler works for my father, I’ve tried to figure out how I could have missed it. Seeing him interact with Evan, I’m starting to understand how I didn’t know. Ryler is very good at being whoever he needs to be, and I worry that’s exactly what he’s done with me.
We’re in the garage of the large house Evan has rented. Inside the home, there are a group of men who work with my father. They are stacking and counting packages of cocaine, and the scene reminds me of all the drugs I’d seen the night in Ralingford when I snuck out late that night. So many drugs and dealers, but that was only the tip of the iceberg. Inside the warehouse is where the experiments go on—where the drugs are tested. And, like the warehouses in Ralingford, Evan’s home is set up with hundreds of alarms.
The garage must be the safety zone since we’re free to move around. The space is bigger than my entire place, yet he doesn’t have a single car parked inside. The concrete is stained with blood and oil. God knows what Evan’s been doing in here.
Earlier today, he tried to convince me to move in with him again. I said no, but Evan has never been one to take no for an answer. Yes, yes, yes is all he’ll accept. Anything less is unacceptable.
“You’re going to do it, Emery,” he said while his body was over mine. He’d been sticking his tongue down my throat until I denied his murmuring request to move in with him. “You and I are going to be together. Everyone wants this to happen.”