I shut my eyes. "I feel like I came from someplace else, and maybe that's why I'm always so confused all the time. Maybe those burial places you guys talk about really do exist, and I lived there once." I open my eyes and stare up at the cloudy sky. "I don't know why the sky would be blue there and red everywhere else."
"There could be a lot of reasons for that. Maybe it wasn't the sky you saw, but a screen."
"What's a screen?"
I feel him shift beside me, his hands never leaving my head.
"We've found them in a couple of channels," he explains. "The wardens use them to give the illusion that the cells look like someplace else, mostly to mess with the minds of the Nameless. It's their twisted way of making them feel like they're going crazy. Still, those screens are really small, and the wardens usually use them to display horrible things. I've never seen one as big as the sky. And I didn't notice one in your cell or anywhere else in that section of channels."
"It's not just the sky," I say. "Sometimes, I dream of quiet streets and old buildings and trees and grass and flowers and dirt roads. I'm wearing these long dresses, and people around me are dressed differently, too."
"I wish I had some answers to give you, but I don't. Maybe Reece can get to the bottom of it when we get back to the station. He can hook you up to Oblivion and see what's going on inside your head." His fingertip sketches along my hairline. "How are you right now? I tried to fill your thoughts with the cloudy sky and the lightning you told me about. I don't really know what they look like, so I hope I got it right."
I manage a small smile. "You did. It's so much like the place I pictured when I was trapped."
"Good," he says with a drop of relief.
"How long will I see the sky before I return to reality?"
"It all depends. Normally, the poison can take several hours to wear off, but with you, it might not take as long."
"Why would it take less time for me?" I ask then immediately want to retract my question. Deep down, I think I may already know the answer--because I have Grim blood in me and heal more quickly. But does Blaise know?
"Allura, your hands are completely healed and scarred over when, only twenty-four hours ago, they were scraped raw." He pauses. "Then there was your shoulder. I know it was dislocated, but now it's fine. And I'm pretty sure you cut your head on that shelf, but the wound healed before Mable could even get stitches in it."
My breathing turns ragged. Blaise has always known I'm a little different, but does he know about my blood? Will he ask me if I know what I am? How will I answer?
As if tuning in to my panic, the lightning picks up, blazing across the sky like a firework show.
"You need to calm down," he advises. "Or I won't be able to control where your mind goes."
"I'm trying," I croak between breaths.
His warm fingers spread across my cheeks. "Look, I know you're different. I've always sort of known. But it's not a bad thing. And ... I get it."
His words calm me down, and I breathe evenly again.
Reece and Ryder have mentioned Blaise is different. Maybe he understands what I'm going through.
"How are you doing this to me?" I whisper. "How are you keeping me out of my nightmares and letting me see this sky?"
"It's complicated."
"But it's because you're different?"
He takes a couple of breaths. "Yeah, because I'm different."
"Are you ...? Are you human?"
"Yes and no." A drop of rawness slips into his tone. "But you don't need to be afraid of me."
"I'm not afraid of you," I reply. How could I be afraid of him when I'm lying here under the cloudy sky that he somehow created in my head? "One day, will you explain what you are?"
"One day," he says, but I can't tell if he means it or not.
Deciding to drop the subject for now, I fold my arms across my stomach and gaze up at the sky. "So, now what do we do?"
"We wait for the poison to wear off."
"Then what?" A thought strikes me hard, like a kick to the gut. "Wait? Where are Ryder and Reece?"
"In the tents probably."
"What are they doing up there?"
"You probably don't want to know."
"Oh." My gut coils into knots, nausea setting in. "They told me to watch out for them, and I didn't. Whatever happens to them ... It's my fault."
He sighs. "It's not your fault. You were pretty much unconscious when you were brought here."
"But Ryder and Reece gave me the last shot of Shade, and I wasted it." I frown. "I never should've let that queen--or whatever she is--shoot me."
"The queen?"
"Yeah, the woman the Forsaken kept calling 'your highness.' "
"Oh." His confusion leaves his tone. "That's the Forsaken's leader."
"Yeah, like their queen." A bolt of lightning flashes right above me, so close I can feel the electricity flowing off it. "But she wasn't wearing a crown."
"Hmmm ... I think this might be one of those things that you remember that we don't."
"Oh." How many times is this going to happen? How many things do I remember that no longer exist? Will every revelation be disappointing?
I sink into the quiet, listening to the thunder grumble as Blaise restlessly shifts around. Every once in a while, his fingers tremble, and I find myself reaching up, wanting to comfort him. When my fingertips brush his scruffy jawline, he sucks in a sharp breath, and the tension pouring off him nearly doubles.
Confusion and curiosity swirl through me. Why does he still seem somewhat tense around me?
"Blaise, can I ask you a question?"
"I ... I guess so."
"Why were you afraid of me when we first met?"
"I wasn't," he lies.
I trace my fingers from his jaw to his lips and graze my fingers along the metal piercings. "When you carried me through the scanner, it seemed like you were. I could feel your heart pounding."
"I was worried we weren't going to make it out alive," he chokes. "Allura, what are you doing?"
I absentmindedly graze my fingers back and forth across his lips. They're so soft. "Huh?"
"With your fingers ... and the touching ...?" He's breathing so ravenously he's practically panting.
"I'm sorry." I lower my hand. "I don't know why I did that. You just seemed upset, and I was trying to comfort you." I feel ridiculously clueless about everything. Why can't I comfort them like they comfort me?
"You're fine." He sounds more at ease now that my hands aren't pawing at his mouth. "I just have a problem with being touched. It has nothing to do with you, though."
"Oh." Why? I wonder. But I don't think he wants to talk about it, so I don't ask.
"Where's your mind right now?" He changes the subject. "Are you still under that grey sky?"
I nod. "It smells really good here, like rain and fresh grass."
"Rain? Like water from the sky?"
"Yeah ... Please tell me it rains here."
"I've heard of rain, but I've never seen it. It doesn't happen very often."
I crinkle my nose. Hardly any rain. No blue sky. No grass. No trees. No nature. What a sad place the world is.
"Hold still for a minute," he mumbles. "Let me see what I can do."
I don't know what he means, but I remain perfectly still, anyway.
His fingers move, his fingertips tickling along my hairline. A soft hum fills my head, and I close my eyes and spread my arms out to the side, relaxing in the dirt. I'm so comfortable right now I could probably fall asleep.
"See anything yet?"
"No, but I feel--"
A droplet of water splatters across my forehead. My eyelids snap open right as another raindrop lands on my cheek. A smile graces my lips as another one splashes against my neck and rolls down my collarbone.
"Is it working?" he asks.
"Yes." I beam from ear to ear then open my mouth and catch a few raindrops on my tongue.
"You look so funny right now," he rema
rks, his tone lighter than it was moments ago.
Giggling, I stick out my tongue and lap up more raindrops. I hear the quietest laugh escape him. I don't think I've ever heard Blaise laugh. I wish I could see what he looks like with his eyes lit up and his lips curved into a smile.
"I feel bad," I admit after the rain dwindles to a drizzle.
"Why's that? Is it the dream? Because I can change it if you need me to."