“You’re not ruining—”
She cuts me off, clutching onto my hand in desperation. “Promise me you won’t. Promise me you won’t change your life because I’m here now. I don’t want you to do that.”
“But I want to be there for you,” I say, choking up. “I don’t want you to go through this alone.”
“I’m not telling you not to be there for me. I-I’m just telling you to live your life. We were given a second chance, so promise me you’ll do everything you want to do. That you’ll be happy.”
“I’ll promise to if you promise to.”
“I’ll try,” she whispers. “I’m not going to let them break me.”
She’s stronger than I expected, but I can still see pain hidden under the strength, the internal battle trying to consume her. And I need to be there for her, to make sure it never completely takes hold.
I spend the next hour telling Sadie about my life, because she doesn’t want to discuss anything else. Then Lila and Ethan come in and introduce themselves. Sadie seems skittish around them and acts even more erratic when a nurse comes in to do a check up on her and to tell us visiting hours are over.
“Remember what you promised,” Sadie says to me as I’m walking out of the room.
I turn around and nod. “Just as long as you remember too.”
She smashes her quivering lips together and nods before inching away from the nurse.
I hate leaving her alone, but she has to stay at the hospital for a few more days until she’s made a full recovery.
Lila, Ethan, and I leave the hospital in silence. By the time we get to the car, it’s late and the stars and moon are shining in the sky. Even though I might not make it in time, I ask Lila to drive me to Infinite Bliss so I can try to catch my band perform with their new guitarist.
As we make the drive across town, Sadie’s words replay in my mind, the promise to be happy and live life. I know what that means, what makes me happy, but I want to be here for Sadie too and help her through what I know is going to be a hard time. Maybe, though, there’s a way to do both.
“I have a favor to ask you guys,” I say to Lila and Ethan before we climb out of the car to go inside the club.
“You can ask us anything,” Lila reminds me as she shuts off the headlights. “Well, within reason of our capabilities.”
I nervously explain my idea to them and then hold my breath as I wait for their answer. Is this a good idea? Is this really what I should do? I don’t know if it is or not, but I guess I’m doing it.
Ethan glances at Lila with his brow raised. “What do you think?”
She shrugs then smiles. “I think he deserves it.”
“All right, Ayden, you have yourself a deal,” Ethan tells me with a grin. “Man, I’m so jealous. I’ve always wanted to go on a tour.”
“Why didn’t you?” I ask as I reach for the door handle.
“Because he hates crowds,” Lila answers for him.
Ethan gives a shrug. “It’s true. I never could get past all those damn people crammed into a room, sweating all over each other.”
His statement does not surprise me, and honestly, I kind of understand where he’s coming from.
“Thank you for letting me do this,” I say, opening the door.
“You deserve it,” Lila replies as she collects her purse from the console. “Like I said, we’ll always be here to help you. Don’t ever forget that.”
I have a smile on my face as I get out of the car, practically running as I head to tell Lyric the news.
I TRY NOT TO POUT that Ayden missed the set, but I’m a tad bit sulky. I know he had a good reason for not showing up, though. That more than likely his sister was awake and the two of them are talking. I hope everything went okay. That Sadie’s doing okay. That Ayden’s doing okay with the guilt I know he feels over what happened to her.
I dig out my phone, deciding to text him.
Me: Hey! Just wanted to c how everything was going. I’m guessing that your sister was awake this time?
He doesn’t answer right away, so I put the phone into my pocket and head out of the backstage area and down to the floor. It’s Friday night and the place is crammed with rowdy drunk people, dancing around, throwing back shots, and ordering drinks at the bar. We were the only live band playing tonight, so my dad has cranked up the music.
“Are you sure you just don’t want to go home?” My dad shouts over the music as he struggles with whether or not to leave me out here alone. Ever since the thing with Ayden’s dad happened, my mom and dad have been overly protective of me. I was actually worried they were going to try to stop me from going on tour. While they do seem a little more hesitant than they did before, they haven’t tried to talk me out it. “Or I could stay out here with you and hang out?”
“I’m fine.” I wave him off. “Go back to your office. I’m probably going to head home soon.”
The bartender hands him a beer and my dad pops off the top. “Maybe you should come hang out with me.”
“Dad, you have a meeting with the new band filling in for us,” I remind him, dabbing my fingers under my eyes to fix my eyeliner that I know is smudged—it always is after I finish performing. “I probably shouldn’t be in there while you guys discuss business.”
“We could pretend you’re my secretary,” he suggests, checking the time on his watch.
“Dad, go, or you’re going to be late.” I shoo him toward the hallway. “I’ll head home as soon as mom gets back from work.” So I don’t have to be in the house alone.
While Ayden’s dad and many other members of the Soulless Mileas were arrested last week, I still feel unsettled, especially when I’m home alone. I went to a therapist the other day to talk, and I realized I might be more affected by what happened than I originally let on. The therapist told me we could have phone appointments while I’m on the road if I wanted to, and I agreed, just to make sure that the fear I feel will eventually fade and won’t take control of my life.
After I finally convince my dad back to go to his office, I chill out on the balcony near the dance floor, trying to decide whether I want to dance yet or wait until I hear back from Ayden before I really let loose. Because I fully plan on dancing. Need to for the sake of my sanity.
“In just over a couple of weeks, we’ll be on the road,” Sage announces as he walks up to me. He’s carrying a beer, and he has a dopey smile on his face, which probably means he’s high. “Seri
ously, Lyric, why don’t you look more excited?”
“I’m excited,” I assure him, turning and resting my elbows on the railing. “I’m just thinking about some stuff. That’s all.”
Sage takes a swig of his beer then leans against the railing, staring at our new guitarist who’s flirting with a woman twice his age. “Yeah, right. You’re so full of shit. I know it’s because Ayden’s not here.”
Not wanting to talk about Ayden not being part of the band anymore, I point at the beer in his hand. “Dude, you know you can’t drink that in front of my dad. He’s chill, but not that chill.”
“I’ll put it down if he comes over,” he says, taking another sip. Then he turns to me, appearing hesitant. “You know everything’s going to be okay, right? We didn’t sound as bad as I thought we would.”
“I know we didn’t. In fact, with a little more practice, I think we’re going to be able to rock it.”
“Good, because I’m worried about you. You’ve been distant lately.” He picks at the label on the beer bottle. “I’m worried you might change your mind at the last second and not go on this tour. And I know something’s going on with Ayden. You guys are always acting strange, and I saw him talking to a police officer at school the other day.”
“Sage, I’m not going to change my mind about the tour. I might be bummed Ayden isn’t coming, but this has been my dream since I was like five years old and my dad taught me how to play the guitar.” I shift my weight and tuck a few strands of my hair behind my ear, trying to figure out what to tell him about Ayden. “As for Ayden, you’ll have to ask him what’s going on. It’s not my story to tell.”
“Yeah, I guess I get that.” He backs up toward the dance floor. “I’m going to go celebrate the beginning of what is going to be a fucking awesome journey. You should join me.”
“I will in just a bit,” I promise him. “I could use a fun distraction.”
He grins then whirls around and dives into the mob.