Fighting to Breathe (Shooting Stars 1)

“You fucking killed me when you left, and I will never forgive you for the things you told your mother to tell me after you were gone.” His words barely register over the anguish twisting my gut and the loud slosh of blood pumping through my veins. “Stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of yours.” I nod, because my lungs have closed up on me. “Later,” he says, then disappears into the darkness, leaving me alone as my lungs collapse.

“Who was at the door?” Mom asks as I hand her the plate of cookies she asked for.

>   “No one important,” I tell her, taking my seat on the couch, pulling my knees up against my chest, and wrapping my arms around them while I stare at the television, not really seeing it wishing I could just disappear.

Chapter 3

Austin

“Josie,” I greet Lea’s mom as she steps from the dock onto my boat. I can’t say that we’ve ever been close; I sure as hell can’t say she’s ever come to see me. Hell, when I was searching for her daughter, I thought at one point she was going to place a restraining order against me.

“Austin,” she says then walks to the wheelhouse, opens the door, and gestures toward it.

Growling, “Fuck,” I follow her inside, letting the door slam behind me. This is not what I fucking wanted to deal with today, not after tossing and turning all night, haunted by the look in Lea’s eyes after I told her I hate her.

“We need to talk,” she states as I cross my arms over my chest and lean back against the control panel.

“Gathered that much, Josie,” I tell her, trying to keep the bite out of my tone, but failing. I thought I was over this shit, but now, after seeing Lea, I realize I’m far from over it; I just tucked it away, and now it’s all bubbling to the surface. Lea is even more beautiful now than she was when we were teens. Her face was still soft and round, her skin still creamy in complexion but her lips seemed fuller. Her body filled out giving her curves in all the right places, curves that any man would beg to study with his hands and mouth. Her brown hair was the kind that you could picture spread out on your pillow or wrapped around your fist., and her eyes, though sad, still held that sparkle of wisdom that called to me. Everything about her spoke to me, but there was no fucking way I would ever go there again no matter how badly my dick disagreed.

“Are you even going to ask what we need to talk about?” Josie asks.

“No, I know what you want to talk to me about, and like I told Lea last night, I know why she’s here, and I’ll stay out of her way, but she needs to stay out of mine.” I feel like an asshole, but this is how it has to be. There’s no other choice.

“That’s very diplomatic of you,” she says sarcastically, making me grit my teeth.

“The floor is yours Josie.” I sweep my hand out.

“You’re so damn stubborn. You know, you remind me a lot of my Jacob—so ornery, always thinking you know everything,” she says, referring to her late husband, a man I respected and cared deeply for. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, some worse than others, but seeing how God is giving me time to right my wrongs, I’m planning on taking advantage of it and doing just that,” she says, taking a seat in my captain’s chair then looking out the window, into the harbor.

“When I lost Jacob, I may as well have been buried at sea with him. I was drowning in grief and couldn’t find my way to the surface. I have a lot of regrets from that time.” She shakes her head then lowers her voice to almost a whisper, but still doesn’t look at me. “When Lea told me she was thinking of leaving home, I knew it was the right decision for her. I knew I didn’t want her to stay here in this town with you, and risk her suffering the same fate I did. I wouldn’t wish the pain I suffered on my worst enemy, and I definitely wouldn’t wish it on my daughter.”

She sighs, returning her gaze to me. “I knew you loved each other, but I thought your lives would move forward with time and that each of you would move on, but you didn’t. Neither of you were able to settle, and my sweet, beautiful girl married a man who didn’t really love her, because she was searching for something to fill the void of leaving you,” she says, causing a sinking feeling to fill my chest.

“I lied to you both, told each of you the other had moved on. I believed at the time I was doing the right thing—”

“Get out,” I cut her off before she can say anything else.

“Austin.” She says softly as tears fill her eyes.

“No.” I lean forward.

“Get.

Out.

Now.”

I open the door and step out onto the deck, pulling in a lungful of air as rage burns through me.

“I’m not telling you this so you guys get back together,” Josie says, coming to stand in front of me. “I’m telling you this, because my baby doesn’t have many people to lean on, and when I’m gone, she’s going to need good people around who truly care about her, and as much as you may not want to admit it, you still do.” With that parting blow she turns away, and I watch her step off the boat onto the dock then disappear.

“Are you okay, baby?” Anna asks, walking upstairs from the lower deck, where she had been taking a nap. When she told me she was coming into town for the weekend, I figured this visit would be like all the others, but then she started talking about moving here after the summer, and I knew then that along the way, I somehow fucked up, making her believe this is more than it is. I haven’t even touched her since I laid eyes on Lea again.

“I gotta head out.” I move to the wheelhouse, grabbing my keys, slipping them in my front pocket before pulling my hoodie on over my head.

“I’m leaving in an hour,” she reminds me while her eyes track my movements.

“Text me when you get home.” I move past her and stop when her fingers dig into my arm.

“I heard what her mom said, and I’ve heard people in town talking since she came back. She left you, and you’re going after her?”

I watch as she attempts to force tears to come to the surface, but none fill her eyes. Anna doesn’t care about me any more than I care about her, and this moment proves just that. “Anna—”

“No, don’t Anna me. I thought that we had something, that we were building something.”