Fighting to Breathe (Shooting Stars 1)

I don’t want to do this, but I can’t lie, either. I have loved really loved three women in my life: my sister, my mom, and Lea. Since the moment Lea left me, I have been forcing myself to move forward, never really gathering the momentum to do so. How Lea got married to someone else, I don’t fucking know. No one could replace her for me, even if all I was holding onto was a memory.

“You knew what this was Anna,” I sigh, pulling from her grasp.

“You’re such an asshole, Austin!” she screams.

“I know,” I agree, walking to the edge of the boat and stepping onto the dock. I wasn’t going after Lea, not the way Anna believed. I would do as her mom asked. I would try to be her friend, and when the time came for her to leave, I would let her go this time, and get the closure I need to move on with my life.

“What’s up, Wolf?” Ben answers on the second ring.

“Meet me at the bar.”

“Is everything okay?” He asks and I hear shuffling coming from his end.

No…fuck, no. “I need a beer.”

“On my way.”

The line goes dead and I tuck my phone into the back pocket of my jeans then walk the three blocks to the bar, trying to get my head straight on the way.

As soon as I enter, I scan the bar and see Ben sitting alone at one of the high-top tables.

“You want the usual?” Maggie asks from behind the bar as I pass her.

“Yeah.” I pull out a five and slide it to her as she passes me a bottle of Alaskan Amber. As soon as I take a seat across from Ben, I put the bottle to my mouth and tip it back.

“What’s going on?” He questions wearily.

“Josie just came to visit me.”

“Who’s Josie?” he asks, then his eyes close in realization. “Shit, what the fuck did she want?”

“She came to tell me that she lied to me and Lea.”

“What do you mean, ‘lied to you and Lea’?” His voice has an angry tinge to it.

“She kept us separated, because she didn’t want Lea to suffer the same fate as her. She didn’t want Lea to loose me the way she lost Jacob.”

“Are you shitting me?” He slams down his beer bottle, making the table shake.

“You know I searched for Lea. I begged her mom to tell me where she was, and she always had the

same story Lea had moved on, and I needed to do the same. Only, Lea didn’t move on; she was hurt and alone, thinking I was living my days happy without her.”

“Christ.”

“Yesterday, I told Lea I hated her.”

“You did what?” His eyes get big and I rub my forehead once again, bombarded by the memory of the way she looked when I told her.

“I was pissed! Seeing her brought everything to the surface.” I scrub my hands down my face.

“Rhonda hung out with Lea and Josie yesterday.”

“I know. I saw them together while I was with Anna.”

He nods, tips back his beer, and then puts his elbows on the table, taking a deep breath.

“She told me Lea seems depressed, that even though she smiled, she could tell it was forced.”

“She just found out her mom only has months to live,” I remind him.

“Yeah, she also has no one here besides her mom.”

“Jesus.” I know he’s right, but there is still so much pent-up anger inside me when it comes to her.

“Ro told me to tell you to be nice to her.”

“She did, huh?” I laugh. Rhonda has Ben wrapped around her finger and is the one person my best friend is afraid of.

“She also invited her to the baby shower.”

“Good.”

“Wait…what?” he asks.

“Lea’s a good person. She was always sweet, and she needs a friend right now. Rhonda’s a good one for her to have.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?” I ask, confused.

“Are you going to be her friend?”

“I need to let the past go. I need to let Lea go and finally move on with my life.”

“That didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m going to try to be her friend, and hopefully, when she leaves town, I can finally get the fuck on with my life,” I say, while deep down I know it’s not going to be that easy. Nothing ever is.

“What about you and Anna?”