“I’ll help you clean up,” Aubrey chimes in, and that feeling in my chest expands even more.
“That would be really sweet,” I say, moving my eyes to her.
“I’m just gonna go get dressed.” She hops up then stops to give her dad a side hug before disappearing.
“Are you sure it’s safe for the boys to go with you?”
“I wouldn’t let them go if it wasn’t safe, baby,” he assures gently, and I nod. I look out the front window, where Steven and Hunter are standing huddled together. “How’s Hunter doing?” His gently spoken question is one I’m not exactly sure the answer to.
After he left yesterday, I sat down with Hunter and spoke to him about the adoption, and a little about Zach and me, but I let him lead the conversation and ask the questions he wanted answers to. Now, I’m not so sure I did the right thing. I wanted so badly to tell him about the couple who adopted Samuel. About how the dad had the kindest eyes of anyone I’d ever met, and how the wife spoke softly and was always smiling. I wanted to tell him that they had been waiting for a baby for eight years and previously had an adoption fall through at the last minute, which almost destroyed them. To explain to him that giving up Samuel was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but also the most fulfilling, because I gave two wonderful people the chance to be parents. Something they were unable to do on their own.
There was a time I didn’t see all the beauty in the situation that I do now. A time when I blamed Zach, when I shouldn’t have, because we both made the decision together, which is something I feel horrible about now. I know the adoption wasn’t easy for him either. I still remember finding him crying silently, and me walking away, too caught up in my own grief to even attempt to comfort him. It wasn’t fair of me to put the weight of my pain on him, but I st
ill did exactly that.
“Shel.”
My name being called brings me out of my thoughts, and I move my gaze back to him, shaking my head. “He seems okay,” I shrug.
“Maybe he needed you to trust him a little.”
“Maybe,” I agree with another shrug, then bite the inside of my cheek. “About what I said yesterday, that wasn’t fair, and I’m sorry.” In the heat of the moment, I let myself say some really not-so-nice things. I let my emotions get the better of me. I don’t know his story. I can assume and guess what happened when I left, but the truth is I really have no clue, and in all honesty, we were not together. I have no right to feel betrayed by him when I’m the one who insisted we break up.
“We’ll talk.”
“That’s not necessary,” I say immediately. I don’t want to talk about it. Not now, not ever.
“It is.”
“It’s not.” I begin to panic. I may be finding a way to get over the hurt I’ve been carrying around, but I don’t want to fall back into any kind of anything with Zach. Or at least, that’s what I’m telling myself.
Taking a step toward where I’m seated on the couch. His eyes warm and his voice drops. “I like seeing you in my clothes.”
“What?” I breathe, looking down at the shirt Aubrey gave me. I didn’t even think when I dressed. I just put it on and forgot about it, but seeing it now, I wonder how I didn’t notice it’s a man’s plaid shirt since it’s huge on me hitting me at mid thigh.
“And my socks look cute on you,” he adds, referring to the large wool socks on my feet.
“Oh, um… thanks,” I state like an idiot, peeking up at him. He grins, causing butterflies to dance in my stomach while we stare at each other.
“Ready,” Aubrey calls, and I snap out of my trance. Standing from the couch suddenly, he doesn’t move or take a step back, so my body brushes his as I skirt past him. Rushing toward the front door, I meet Aubrey as she bounds down the stairs wearing a pair of baggy jeans and a long-sleeved red shirt that is three sizes to big for her small frame. Taking in her outfit, I realize the few times I’ve seen her she’s been wearing things that are far to big for her and do nothing to show off the beautiful girl she is.
“Let’s go.” I smile, avoiding looking at Zach again as I swing open the door and step out.
“See ya later, Dad,” I hear her say behind me, as I head down the stairs toward Hunter and Steven, who are standing near the bear that is still unconscious, but is now in a large round cage on wheels attached to the back of the truck.
“You boys do not get anywhere near the bear once you let it loose. Do you understand me?” I point at each of them, and Hunter rolls his eyes while Steven looks confused, making me realize I’m not his parent and really have no right to tell him what to do.
“Mom—”
“Don’t ‘Mom’ me, Hunter. Nowhere near the bear.”
“Fine,” he mumbles, tucking his hands into the pocket of his hoodie and dropping his eyes to the ground for a second.
“Good.” With that, I send each of the boys one last look then turn to walk away and run straight into a large body.
“Ya not gonna even say hi to me, Shelby Lynn?”
Lifting my head up, and up, my eyes connect with Paul’s, and my face softens as I take in his shock of rusty hair and the beard covering his face. Over time, Paul became just one more memory for me, but when I was growing up, he was a constant in my life as my dad’s best friend. After my parents passed away, he would come visit me often and check in to make sure I had whatever I needed and that I was doing okay. When I told him I was pregnant, he gave me a fatherly lecture then supported my decision of adoption, even though a lot of other people at the time were against it. After Samuel’s birth, he was one of the first people I told about my plans to leave, and he tried to talk me out of going, but supported me when I told him I just couldn’t stay.
“Hey, Paul.” I smile, tilting my head to the side. “You’re still here,” I say softly, and his eyes scan over me from head to toe, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
“I am, and you’re back,” he replies, just as soft. “Your gramps would be happy you’re back where you belong.” Swallowing hard, I nod, and his arms wrap around me in a tight hug that lifts me off my feet. “I’m glad you’re back.”
“Me too,” I admit, hugging him just as tight.