“I’m here.” He sounds choked up. “I hope I can make you happy. I hope we can find a way to make each other happy,” he conveys, not knowing he’s already done that for me. That being with him and the kids makes me happy. Having them around, going to dinner, cooking, watching movies, or just spending time together is what makes me happy.
“You make me happy. You and the kids are what makes me happy. I don’t need more. I just need you guys,” I tell him honestly, and his arms tighten around me.
“I love you, Shel. Fuck, but I didn’t think it was possible to love you more than I did years ago, but I was wrong… so fucking wrong.”
“Zach.” I never thought he would say those words to me again, never believed we would have what we have again after so many years apart.
“I don’t need you to say it. I just need you to hear it and take it in. I love you and Hunter. I love that you have taken my daughter under your wing and accepted my son for the man he is becoming. I love that even after so many years, you’re still the sweetest woman I’ve ever met, and I love knowing I will have a lifetime of that sweetness in my bed. I never wanted to even hope to have what I have right now, and I probably don’t deserve it, but you’re mine and I’m keeping you,” he growls, and I feel myself smile.
“I know you said to take it in, but I love you too, and I love your kids.”
“That’s probably good, babe. I’d hate for you to be unhappy for the next sixty years or so,” he says, and I laugh then moan, feeling his hand slide up my side under his tee, which I stole when I got ready for bed. “I wish the kids were in bed already.”
“Me too,” I whisper, feeling his hand brush the underside of my breast, and then he’s up out of bed, dragging me with him. “What are you doing?”
“We’re going to shower,” he mutters, tugging my hand.
“I don’t need one. I already showered.” I laugh as he pulls me along with him toward the bathroom.
“I thought you wanted to see if I could hold you up.” He rips the shirt off over my head then turns and starts the water.
“I definitely want to see that.” I smile to his back as he kicks off his sleep pants, steps in under the spray, and turns toward me, holding out his hand. By the time we’re done and back in bed, I’ve learned that not only can he hold me up, he can do a lot of other things to me while he’s standing with me wrapped around him.
Chapter 11
Zach
“I’m free,” Shel yells, as soon as I close the door to her house then proceeds to run toward me, jumping into my arms, giving me no choice but to catch her on the fly.
Smiling, I lean back to see her smiling at me. “I take it Max was able to catch a fight home after all?” I mutter, knowing she’s been gnawing at the bit to get Max out of the house and back to Seattle since the day he showed up. He planned on staying until Friday, but after everything that came out about his girlfriend and their child, and probably realizing his fuck-up, he had been trying to change his flight and get home sooner. But this time of year, with the cold coming in, fishing slowing down, and tourists leaving, planes are always full, with an abundance of people waiting on standby.
“Yes.” She nods then looks up at the ceiling, shrugging. “I may have bribed Paul into asking his friend who was flying to Anchorage to pick up supplies to let Max ride along with him so he could catch a flight out this evening, but still, he’s on his way back to Seattle as we speak. And his girlfriend April, who has to be the sweetest woman in the world, told him they would find a way to work things out, so Max left in a good mood.”
“Good,” I agree, giving her a squeeze, and she hops down.
“Yeah, and hopefully he pulls his head out of his ass and realizes what he has, because when I talked to her today to give her Max’s flight information, she seemed really nice. She even asked if Hunter could fly out after the birth to meet his brother or sister. I told her yes, and told her Hunter can fly out anytime he has a break, unless it’s a holiday. Then we will have to split those up so it’s fair for Max and me.”
“That’s good, baby,” I concur.
“I don’t want to keep Hunter from them. He’s so excited to be a big brother, and I would never want to keep him from having that.”
“I know, babe,” I tell her, and she smiles then tilts her head to the side, studying me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re lying,” she says, leaning in and resting her hands against my chest.
“Tina came by the station today. She’s planning on moving to Anchorage at the end of the month.”
“Oh no,” she whispers, leaning back.
“It’s good for me, but it’s going to suck for the kids. Flights in the winter are sporadic and expensive. Flights in the summer are just expensive, so it’s going to be a hit every time I send them out to see her.”
“Won’t she help you with that? I mean, she’s the one moving, not you,” she asks softly, studying me.
“I’m sure she’ll try, but waitressing doesn’t pay much, so she won’t be able to do it on her own, and I know the kids—especially Steven—will want to see her often, and I want them to have their mom.”
“I’ll help. Max agreed to give me more a month for Hunter, and with him dropping the custody fight, me working, us moving in together, and this house being paid off, money will loosen up. We’ll figure it out.”
“That’s sweet, baby, but no.” I shake my head, giving her sides a squeeze.
“Why no?” she asks, as her nose scrunches in confusion and her brows draw together.
“They’re my kids… Tina and my kids. We’ll work it out. The money Max is sending you is for Hunter. The money you make is for you. And the kids and me moving in here means I pay for the utilities and things that need to be done around the house, so we’re not living free.”
“Um… what if that doesn’t work for me?”
“It’ll work.”
“Zach.” She pushes against me until I’m forced to let her go then stares at me from a few feet away, which suddenly feels like miles between us. “I told you.” She points at me. “I told you what happened between Max and me. I told you that he always made me feel like his happiness came before mine, that his wants came before mine.”
“Shel.” I run my hand through my hair in agitation and hold her gaze.
“No, I never want to feel like I’m not contributing, like I’m not the other half of a whole. I cant live like that again. We are either both in this together, or we’re not in this at all.”
“Baby, I love that you want to help me, bu—”
Holding up her hand palm out, she shakes her head, cutting me off. “No, no buts. You either accept that I need to help, that I need to feel like the life we are building is one we are building together, or I can’t do this.”
“They’re my kids.”
“You’re right. They are,” she agrees, with a jerk of her head. “I’ve accepted them. I’ve fallen in love with them and you, but the life I want is one where we are a family, one where we figure out how to share each other’s burdens. I love you.” Her voice softens, cutting me to the bone. “I don’t think I’ve ever fallen out of love with you, but I decided a long time ago that if I ever got into a relationship again, it would be with a man who understands what I need, understands it and gives it to me without question.”
“Baby, plea—”
“I think we both need some time to think,” she states, cutting me off once more, causing my temper to flare.
“We don’t need time,” I growl, taking a step toward her, only to have her take a step back.
“I don’t want you to give me what I need while sacrificing your own happiness. That’s not fair to you either,” she says softly, while her bottom lip trembles and her eyes grow wet.
“You’re pissing me off, Shelby.”
“What?” She frowns, and I close my eyes, pulling in deep breaths through my nose, attempting to get my temper under control. Once I?
?m good, I open my eyes and pin her in place.
“I love that you want to help. I love you, even when you’re being hardheaded and stubborn, but this isn’t something you need to go to battle with me about.”
“Excu—”
“The kids are Tina’s and mine,” I interrupt, before she can piss me off more. “She and I will figure out how to make this move of hers work. You want to help with everything else? Fine. But your money isn’t going to go to helping Tina see her kids. It’s her choice to leave, her choice to follow her boyfriend. That is not your problem. She has a good job here and a house. She doesn’t need to move. She wants to move. She didn’t even want to tell the kids. She wanted me to break the news to them. Do you know how fucked up that is?”
“What?” she whispers, and I nod.
“We are not arguing about this bullshit, and we are definitely not taking any time to think about one goddamn thing. You and I are together, and there will never be a time when that isn’t true.”
“Zach.”