He chugs the rest of the juice and tosses the bottle in the recycling bin. “Well…” he chuckles “…that’s just too damn bad. I’m human. You can’t expect me to act like I’m not just because you think I’m a ‘compassionate guy.’ I’m not going to give you my blessing to stay home.”
I nod. There’s nothing more to say. He’s right. I’m asking too much. “I should get home.”
Griffin stares at me with no response.
“Unless you want me to stay tonight … but if you’re mad, then maybe you don’t want me to stay.”
“Shit…” he shakes his head “…you sound so fucking insecure right now.”
The hair on the back of my neck bristles. “Don’t be such a jerk. If I sound insecure it’s because I love you. And loving someone the way I love you is kind of scary, and scared people can sound insecure because nothing makes you feel more vulnerable than putting your heart on the line.”
He studies me, every piece of my heart stripped raw, bared to him in a bed of insecurities. I’ve never pretended to be something I’m not with Griffin. It’s all of me or nothing at all. We both know it without needing to say the words.
Griffin steps closer. His hand slides behind my head. “I love you for staying. I hate you for not going. But your heart isn’t on the line. Your heart’s just … mine. And I take care of what’s mine.”
Chocolate. Wine. Tampons. Chips.
I could have been anywhere the day I met my grocery store guy. Ten minutes later. Five minutes earlier. A different line. A million other tweaks of fate could have changed the course of my life.
Fate.
God.
A higher power.
Or maybe just damn good luck.
After calling Nate to let him know I’m not going, I stay the night with Griffin. If I’m going to move in with him, I can’t run away every time we have an argument.
“I’m leaving, baby.” He kisses me on the head.
My eyes fight the need for more sleep. It’s four in the morning.
“Go back to sleep. I’ll call you when we stop for breakfast in a few hours.”
“No.” I grab his hand. “I want to see you off.”
“Everyone’s waiting outside for me.”
“I’m up.” My head feels like a bowling ball atop my shoulders as I stand.
Griffin grabs one of his sweatshirts and shoves it over my head, leaving the hoodie covering my matted hair. My arms swim in the long sleeves, but it covers my panties enough to keep his friends from seeing more than they should.
“I’m sure your neighbors love the four a.m. rumble of six Harley engines revving up.”
Griffin chuckles. “I’m sure.” He takes my hand as we step outside.
“Swayze …” One of the guys whistles.
I give him the middle finger and a small smile.
“Feisty.” He winks and blows me a kiss.
“Shut it, Frank.” Griffin glares at his long-haired friend with a creepy smirk.
“Brave girl.” Meg, his boss’s new girlfriend, shakes her head from the back of Jett’s bike. “No way in hell I’d let Jett go without me. Too many skanks ready to jump anything that moves. And your boy Griffin will draw a lot of attention. Lots of willing bodies ready to keep him warm at night. Lots of booze. Lots of—”
“Meg, no disrespect, but shut the fuck up.” Griffin slides on his gloves and pulls me into his chest. “Stop, Swayz.”
I think I might vomit. This is a bad idea. I should go too. “I lied.” I stare at his chest because I can’t keep my composure looking into his eyes. “If you cheat on me, I won’t cut your dick off. I’ll hate you forever. I don’t want to hate you forever.”
He tips my chin up.
Don’t cry.
“I’m not cheating on you.”
“But you’re mad that I’m not going. And there will be lots of alcohol. And women with big boobs, and they’re going to want you. Look at you … of course they’re going to do everything they can do to get into your—”
He silences me with a deep kiss, framing my face with his hands, pulling me to him so that I have to stand on my tippy toes, bracing myself with his arms. God … if he kisses another woman like he’s kissing me, I’ll die. My heart will self-combust into nothing but ash.
His buddies whistle and hoot like the idiots they are.
“I can’t breathe,” I whisper past the lump in my throat. It’s not just the women. It’s the long trip on a motorcycle. Nate was right. Griffin is at the mercy of every other vehicle on the road. Stupid people texting, driving under the influence, sleep-deprived truckers, and rain-slick roads.
“I’ll call you every night as long as I have a signal.”
I nod slowly, blinking away my fears.
“And if I don’t call, it means I don’t have a good connection. That’s all it means. Nothing more. Okay?”
“I love you.” My voice dies on the last syllable.
“Love you too.” He gives me one last kiss and mounts his bike.
Without me.
I think of Morgan and Nate, but it doesn’t help. There’s too much fear strangling my heart. Maybe later my altruism will ease my worry, but right now, I hurt all over.
Engines rumble. Lights beam. My world rolls onto the street, shifts gears, and takes off with a final wave.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Griffin calls me three times. It’s a long day of riding. They get caught in rain an hour before stopping for dinner. I still question if I made the right decision, but I’m not sorry I missed the downpour.
Morgan’s fever broke late this morning. She’s still not quite her jovial self, but at least she’s eating. Nate should be home soon with dinner. I keep glancing at my overnight bag on the floor. He leaves for his conference early in the morning, so I’m spending the next two nights here. It’s going to feel weird.
I pull the stolen photo out of my pocket. It’s an odd need I have to carry it around with me. I can’t stop staring at him. It’s the Nate I didn’t know then and I don’t know now. There’s this line where it all comes to a stop. Years of blank space haunt me. Hell … everything about this haunts me.
The door chimes when he opens it. I took him up on his offer to use the chime because I don’t like people sneaking up on me. It might be because I’m snooping around, but it’s also this stolen photo. I shove it back into my pocket.
“Hi.” He sets a pizza box on the counter and a paper grocery bag.
“Hey.” I slide my hand in my pocket to make sure I didn’t bend the photo in my rush to hide it.
“Swing time.” He smiles at Morgan in her swing.
“Yes. She just ate.”
“I picked up some groceries so you have food to eat while I’m gone. I’ll leave cash as well in case you decide to order something to be delivered.”
“Thanks. But you don’t need to leave cash. If I weren’t here, I’d still have to buy food to eat.”
He washes his hands, giving me a boyish grin. “True. But you’re doing me a huge favor. I can’t thank you enough.”
“It’s fine.” I shrug.
Nate’s smile fades. “Are you having second thoughts about staying?”
Easing onto the barstool, I flip open the pizza box. It’s plain cheese. “Griffin’s boss’s girlfriend made this comment …” I sigh, still seeing the you-stupid-girl look on her face.
Nate hands me a plate.
I slide a piece of pizza onto it. “She thinks I’m crazy for letting him go without me. Apparently there are lots of girls there. Drinking. Crazy stuff that I don’t like to think about.”
“You don’t trust him?” He takes a bite as he sits next to me.
“Trust.” I laugh. “It’s always about trust. When I talked to him about staying here, he admitted he was mad. Then he proceeded to tell me that it wasn’t fair to expect him to not be mad, after all, he’s human.”
“That’s fair.”
Shifting my body toward him, I roll my eyes. “It is fair. He is human. That’s what makes this trust thing so hard. I’m sure, when I’m in his arms, he can’t imagine cheating on me. But what if he has a few drinks and thinks about me not being there. Resentment builds, judgment blurs, and some woman wearing nothing but star pasties hops on his lap. What’s he supposed to do? After all … he’s only human.”
Nate chews his pizza, but the contemplative draw of his brow says he’s chewing on the words I just said. This isn’t helping.
“You think I’m right, don’t you?”
Wiping his mouth, he shakes his head. “I didn’t say that.”
“But you’re thinking it.”
“Well, there you go, trying and failing to read my mind.”
I level him with a glare.
“Fine.” He takes another bite and chews it for a few seconds. “I was thinking that I don’t know your boyfriend well enough to make any sort of judgment. However, based on what I know about you, I find it hard to believe any man would cheat on you. But …”
“But?”