“I would learn to deal with it, or I’d end up in jail.”
“Well, I guess I’m just a bigger person than you are,” I say, pressing my lips together to keep from laughing when his eyes narrow.
“You’ve got a smart mouth. Maybe I should give you something to fill it.”
“Yeah, food,” I say, pointing at the bowl next to me, and he smiles, but then his face goes serious.
“I’m sorry about Mellissa, baby. I hate that she did that to you, and I really hate that she ruined our date.”
“She’s not here, so I win.” I smile with a shrug, and his face goes soft.
“You’re too good for me, Ellie.” His hand comes up to rest on the underside of my jaw and his thumb moves across my lips. “Way to fucking good for me, but now that I’ve had you and I’ve fallen in love with your daughter, I won’t give you up. I will never give you up,” he says, leaning in, placing a soft kiss on my mouth, and then moving to the stove before I can reply. I don’t want to hope, but God I’m hoping he’s feeling for me even half of what I’m feeling for him right now.
“Baby.”
“Yeah?” I ask, lifting my gaze to meet his.
“This thing is going to last. We have time, lots of it, to figure it all out. But you and Hope have all of me. Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I agree breathlessly, feeling something right settle over me knowing that I’m falling in love with him.
I pray in loving him I will have the family I’ve so desperately craved since my dad passed away.
Hope would be able to have the family I never did. With that thought, anxiety settles in my gut. If things don’t work out, where will that leave Hope? Is it fair to her to give her all of this, only to have it taken away?
“What’s that look?”
Licking my bottom lip, I shake my head, murmuring, “Just spaced out.”
He moves back to stand in front of me once more and takes my face between his large hands. “Tonight, we have pancakes and watch a movie. Tomorrow, we go pick up Hope from my folks and spend the day with her. The next day, Hope is with me during the day while you’re at work, and when you get off work, we’ll have dinner together. The day after that, we figure it out, Ellie, but we’ll figure it out together.”
“Okay,” I agree, because I don’t know what else to do.
“Okay,” he repeats softly then demands, “Now kiss me,” lowering his face toward mine, just far enough away that I will need to be the one to close the gap between us. I know this is a test. If I kiss him, I’m saying I trust him. If I don’t close the gap, I don’t believe in him or us. Lifting up without thought, I press my lips to his. I know this is one of those moments my grandmother told me about, one of the moments when you either have to push your fears aside or let them swallow you whole. I want this, and if this ends up being something beautiful, I know it will have been worth the risk, and if it ends up blowing up in my face, I will just have to survive off of the beautiful moments we make now.
When his lips leave mine and move to press gently to my forehead in a soft touch, I absorb the feeling in my chest and sit back. I watch him move to the stove and turn it on, and then smile as he mixes pancake batter and places the mixture on the pan on the stove top, absorbing everything about this moment. I’m not sure why this point in time seems so important, but I know it is.
*
“How many kids do you want?”
Shifting on the couch so I can see his face, I feel my heartbeat accelerate from the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice. When we finished eating pancakes, he led me into the living room and settled me on the couch between his legs so that my body was half on his. His legs were settled around me, and he turned on the TV to some scary movie that I knew I would end up sleeping through. “Baby,” he says, pulling me from my thoughts.
“I…I don’t know. I guess I never really thought about it,” I say, rolling to my stomach, placing my hands on his abs, one on top of the other, and settling my chin on top of them. “How many kids do you want?” I ask, studying his face.
“Four, if not more.”
“That’s a lot of kids,” I mumble while my stomach begins to warm.
“You don’t want more kids?” he asks softly, running his finger along the edge of my hair then behind my ear.
“I’d like Hope to have brothers and sisters. I know she wants siblings,” I confess, watching his eyes darken in a way that I like a whole lot.
“How long would you have to date someone before you married them and had kids?” he asks, dragging me up his body and adjusting me so I’m straddling his lap.
“What’s with these questions?” I ask breathlessly as his fingers run between my legs, reminding me I’m not wearing any panties.
“Curious,” he groans, palming the back of my head and pulling my mouth toward his as his fingers slide between my folds. He sucks my bottom lip between his lips and nips it with his teeth. “Are you sore?” he asks against my mouth.
“A little,” I whimper as the tip of one finger slides inside me.
“Just a little?” he asks, rolling that finger up and over my clit, causing a mewl to climb up my throat, my nails to dig into his chest, and my hips to jerk forward.
“I wish I could slide inside of you, baby, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It’s okay,” I hiss in distress as his fingers move slowly over my clit and back towards my entrance.