"Hmm . . . tasty."
Ted giggles and reaches up, wanting Christian to hold him. Christian grins at me and takes Ted in his arms, settling him on his hip.
"Sophie, where's Gail?"
"She was in the big house."
I glance at Christian. His smile has turned bittersweet, and I wonder what he's thinking.
"You're so good with him," he murmurs.
"This little one?" I ruffle Ted's hair. "It's only because I have the measure of you Grey men." I smirk at my husband.
He laughs. "Yes, you do, Mrs. Grey."
Teddy squirms out of Christian's hold. Now he wants to walk, my stubborn little man. I take one of his hands, and his dad takes the other, and together we swing Teddy between us all the way back to the house, Sophie skipping along in front of us.
I wave to Taylor who, on a rare day-off, is outside the garage, dressed in jeans and a wife-beater, as he tinkers with an old motorbike.
I pause outside the door to Ted's room and listen as Christian reads to Ted. "I am the Lorax! I speak for the trees . . ."2
When I peek in, Teddy is fast asleep while Christian continues to read. He glances up when I open the door and closes the book. He puts his finger to his lips, and switches on the baby monitor beside Ted's 2 Dr. Seuss. The Lorax. New York: Random House, 1971.
crib. Leaning over the crib, he adjusts Ted's bedclothes, strokes his cheek, then straightens up, and tiptoes over to me without making a sound. It's hard not to giggle at him.
Out in the hallway, Christian pulls me into his embrace.
"God, I love him, but it's great when he's asleep," he murmurs against my lips.
"I couldn't agree with you more."
He gazes down at me, eyes soft. "I can hardly believe he's been with us for two years."
"I know." I kiss him, and for a moment, I'm transported back to Teddy's birth: the emergency caesarian, Christian's crippling anxiety, Dr. Greene's no-nonsense calm when my Little Blip was in distress. I shudder inwardly at the memory.
"Mrs. Grey, you've been in labor for fifteen hours now. Your contractions have slowed in spite of the Pitocin. We need to do a Csection - the baby is in distress." Dr. Greene is adamant.
"About f**king time!" Christian growls at her. Dr. Greene ignores him.
"Christian, quiet." I squeeze his hand. My voice is low and weak and everything is fuzzy - the walls, the machines, the green-gowned people . . . I just want to go to sleep. But I have something important to do first . . . Oh yes. "I wanted to push him out myself."
"Mrs. Grey, please. C-section."
"Please, Ana," Christian pleads.
"Can I sleep then?"
"Yes, baby, yes." It's almost a sob, and Christian kisses my forehead.
"I want to see the Lil' Blip."
"You will."
"Okay," I whisper.
"Finally," Dr. Greene mutters. "Nurse, page the anesthesiologist. Dr. Miller, prep for a C-section. Mrs. Grey, we are going to move you to the OR."
"Move?" Christian and I speak at once.
"Yes. Now."
And suddenly we're moving . . . quickly, the lights on the ceiling blurring into one long bright strip as I'm whisked across the corridor.
"Mr. Grey, you'll need to change into scrubs."
"What?"
"Now, Mr. Grey."
He squeezes my hand and releases me.
"Christian," I call, panic setting in.
We are through another set of doors, and in no time a nurse is setting up a screen across my chest . . . The door opens and closes, and there's so many people in the room. It's so loud . . . I want to go home.
"Christian?" I search the faces in the room for my husband.
"He'll be with you in a moment, Mrs. Grey."
A moment later, he's beside me, in blue scrubs. I reach for his hand.
"I'm frightened," I whisper.
"No, baby, no. I'm here. Don't be frightened. Not my strong Ana."
He kisses my forehead, and I can tell by the tone of his voice that something's wrong.
"What is it?"
"What?"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine. Baby, you're just exhausted."
His eyes burn with fear.
"Mrs. Grey, the anesthesiologist is here. He's going to adjust your epidural and then we can proceed."
"She's having another contraction."
Everything tightens like a steel band around my belly. Shit! I crush Christian's hand as I ride it out. This is what's tiring - enduring this pain. I am so tired. I can feel the numbing liquid spread . . . spread down. I concentrate on Christian's face. On the furrow between his brows. He's tense. He's worried. Why is he worried?
"Can you feel this, Mrs. Grey?" Dr. Greene's disembodied voice is coming from behind the curtain.
"Feel what?"
"You can't feel it."
"No."
"Good. Dr. Miller, let's go."
"You're doing well, Ana."
Christian is pale. There is sweat on his brow. He's scared. Don't be scared, Christian. Don't be scared.
"I love you," I whisper.
"Oh Ana," he sobs. "I love you, too, so much."
I feel a strange pulling deep inside. Like nothing I've felt before. Christian looks over the screen and blanches, but stares, fascinated.
"What's happening?"
"Suction! Good . . ."
Suddenly, there's a piercing angry cry.
"You have a boy, Mrs. Grey. Check his Apgar."
"Apgar is nine."
"Can I see him?" I gasp.
Christian disappears from view for a second and reappears a moment later, holding my son, swathed in blue. His face is pink, and covered in white mush and blood. My baby. My Blip . . . Theodore Raymond Grey.