It was something he couldn’t face up to, and it made him angry that he wanted it so bad.
His lack of self-acceptance was frustrating. It made him mean, more aggravated. More cruel. The first night he indulged, it was with a nineteen-year-old, wide-eyed cowboy who was new in town. He brought the naïve young man home and dazzled him with his magnificent Manhattan apartment and expensive things.
I suspected it started off intimate. I imagined he poured him a glass of Cristal or a Dom Pérignon, just like he had with me. Or perhaps it was something a little more unexpected, like a glass of rare Cognac or a drop of ridiculously priced Absinthe.
It might’ve started off nice. But the night ended terribly for the naïve, small-town cowboy. By the time the sun broke over the city the next morning, he was tied to Bradley’s bed, spread-eagled and beaten, and very much dead.
The following evening, his broken body was found next to a sewer grate in a rain-soaked alley in Brooklyn.
Yeah, I knew Bradley’s secrets.
Alex always vetted the men I’d be spending time with.
It was important to know what turned him on.
And it was vital to know what he was capable of in case I had to protect myself.
I’d spent time with a few bad men.
I drained my glass.
But I had a feeling Bradley Anstead was going to be one of the worst.
I sat up with a rush, my heart pounding and beads of sweat coating my skin. I glanced around me and tried to catch my breath, my body trembling, my mind racing with fear. It was dark. Shadows crawled through the room, the only light being a slant of moonlight coming in through the window. I was desperate for daylight, for the sunshine to chase the shadows away. But the clock on the bedside table read 3:08. The sun wouldn’t be up for another two hours.
I looked at Bull sleeping soundly beside me, his big body relaxed among the sheets, his beautiful face soft with sleep. Naked, his skin radiated a warmth like I’d never known. Even in the coolness of the morning, it filled the space beside me with heat.
I wanted to wake him. Desperate to feel those strong arms wrap around me. To protect me from the past and my fear of the future. Because if I were a betting woman, I would bet everything I owned that my past was about to destroy us.
Feeling haunted, I pulled back the bed covers and walked to the window, the cool morning air giving me goose bumps as I padded barefoot across the wooden floors. Outside in the silvery night, a waxing moon looked lonely in the clear sky, making me feel nostalgic. Making me feel regretful.
The sob left me before I could stop it. It came out of nowhere, and worried I would wake up Bull, I slapped my palm across my lips. I couldn’t let him see me this way. Because if he asked me now, I would tell him everything.
Everything.
And I would lose him.
I wiped my tears away and stood as still as a statue in the moonlight.
I had to face my past and fix this.
But how?
How did I face it and still protect Noah?
How did I fix this without destroying Bull?
When he came up behind me, I was immediately engulfed in his heat. He said nothing. Instead, he reached out and touched me, his fingers whispering across the nape of my neck and across my shoulders. I shivered beneath his touch as it pulled me further away from the echoes of my dream, grounding me with its familiarity and comfort. I softened against him, then moaned when his lips found the tender slope of my neck.
Strong hands came around me and pulled me against his powerful body, and I sagged into him, my lips parting with a moan, my body aching to feel him inside me.
I turned in his arms to meet his lips with mine, and the kiss was warm and needy. I needed this. I needed the physical contact to keep the phantoms of my dreams at bay.
With a growl, he lifted me up and carried me to the bed. Lying me down gently, he crawled over me and without a word, thrust deep into me.
Light and pleasure lit up behind my eyes. The sudden intrusion was all and everything I needed. The hardness. The length. The girth that stretched and filled me with so much man. The thrust of every inch into me. They pulled me further away from myself, and further into him.
He kissed me with so much passion and loved me with so much more. When I struggled to come, he slowed his pace, his pelvis grinding, his thick beautiful cock stroking into me with exquisite slowness. He took his time, knew what I needed, and he stoked that fire until I came beneath him with absolute abandonment.