Ruger’s brows pulled in.
“Fuck, Bull. You’ve been living this way for almost twenty years?” When I nodded, he shook his head as if it was the craziest thing he’d ever heard. “That’s not right, man.”
“I know, I know. But then I meet this girl.” My eyes honed in on Taylor across the deck, and my heart filled with an unimaginable warmth. “And I don’t wake up like that anymore. I don’t wake up thinking about the past. About the guilt. I wake up and I’m at peace. Hell, I wake up and I feel fucking happy.”
Ruger chuckled. “Then things aren’t as casual with Taylor as you thought.”
I shook my head and drained my glass. “I don’t know what the fuck any of this shit means.”
“I do,” he said, his voice low. “It means you finally went and did what Wendy has been asking you to do. You’ve finally found someone else and moved on.”
TAYLOR
While Bull was talking to Ruger, I sat with Indy, Chastity, and Honey at one of the tables near the balcony. On the dance floor, Cassidy was lost in her husband, Chance, as they danced slowly to a romantic song. Next to them, Bull’s sister Ronnie was slow dancing with her new husband, Ari, and Cool Hand was wrapped around his heavily pregnant wife, Heidi.
“What did you think of your first Kings of Mayhem wedding?” Honey asked me.
“It was really magical.”
And it was.
Watching Autumn and Maverick exchange wedding vows had been beautiful. The way they looked at each other, the gentle touches, the soft smiles.
“I really liked it when he gave her the crown pendant.” I glanced at all of them. “I notice you all have them too.”
“It’s a tradition,” Chastity explained, her finger toying with the pendant around her neck. “When you marry a king, he gives you his crown.”
“It started way back when Hutch Calley gave one to Grandma Sybil,” Indy added.
“I like that,” I said, sitting back with a smile.
I glanced over at Bull and felt my heart tug with desire. He looked so handsome. So utterly beautiful in his tailored black shirt and black slacks. In his cut, he looked powerful and delectable. But dressed more formally, he was absolutely mouth-watering. It was moments like this that made me want so much more with him. That made me wish things were different, that I wasn’t hiding a terrible past from him. A past he would find unforgivable.
When Chastity left to feed Will in one of the bedrooms below deck, and Honey snuck off to apparently have sex with Caleb somewhere on the boat, I was left alone with Indy.
“It’s a wonder they don’t have a thousand babies,” Indy laughed as she watched Caleb lift Honey up into his arms and carry her out of view. “I’ve never seen two people who are more addicted to sex than those two.”
She was right. When you were with Caleb and Honey, you could feel their chemistry. It was off the charts.
“You okay? You’ve gone a little quiet.”
“I have?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
“Yeah. Is there something on your mind?”
She must’ve gotten me at a low point, because all of a sudden, I wanted to confide in her. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
Indy had a presence about her. She was stoic. Stubborn. For the first time in a long time, she made me feel like opening up.
“Have you ever regretted something? Like really regretted something to a point that it eats you up inside?”
“Yes.”
Yes?
Indy didn’t seem the type to regret anything.
“You have?”
“When I was eighteen, I caught Cade in bed with another woman. And when he told me that he didn’t know it wasn’t me…I didn’t believe him. I was so full of anger and grief, and a desperate need to escape from the club and lifestyle, I didn’t stop to really listen to him. Didn’t stop to really think about what that meant. I learned later, much later, that he was set up by his father…but at the time I was too selfish and immature to realize that, and so full of doubt about everything, so I ran away from him…” She dragged in a deep breath and I could see it in her eyes; her regret ran deep. It was almost comforting to know that someone so confident and stoic as Indy might share the same depths of remorse as I did. It gave me hope. “I turned my back on him when he needed me. And boy, that’s a lot of regret to work through right there. If the roles were reversed, he would’ve done the complete opposite. He would’ve believed me. He would’ve found out who was responsible and made them pay. But me…I ran like a coward.”
“You were young—”
“—and very stupid.” She exhaled deeply. “Now that I know what happened, and what I turned my back on…well, let’s just say we’ve done our fair share of therapy.”