“Does it bother you? Apparently it does since you’re projecting.”
“Just because you took an A.P. psychology course, it doesn’t make you a therapist, Ana.”
“Then stop being so hard to read and talk to me, Tyler.”
The two of us had been stressed. Very stressed. Graduation was supposed to be a wondrous time, but we got a physical schedule of all the events we were required to attend: commencement and a senior barbecue and an awards ceremony and a local parade. A parade? Why a parade was required, I had no idea. Anyway, that stress had bled into our relationship. Things were weird and Tyler had been distant. Our conversations were strained and his kisses weren’t as personal or as sensual as they used to be.
We fought more than we should have.
“Are you even going to miss me if I leave?” Tyler asked.
“What kind of question is that? Of course I’m going to miss you,” I said.
“Then why aren’t you acting like it? Why are you acting like everything is okay and nothing around us is changing?”
“Because things change, Tyler. We’re graduating high school. Things are changing! Why would I act like nothing’s changing when it really is?”
“So this is nothing to you. I’m just going to go off to Harvard and we’ll never talk again? I love you, Ana. Don’t you love me?”
“Who the hell said anything about not talking when you left? Are you asking me to come with you or something?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Of course not? What does that mean? You’re acting like this is the end of our relationship, Tyler. Are you breaking up with me?”
“No. I would never do that,” he said.
“Then why are you ‘of course not’ asking me to come with you?”
“What does that even mean?”
“I don’t know! You’re the one who said it!”
“Stop yelling at me. My parents are going to be home soon.”
I stood up and shook my head.
“Where are you going?” Tyler asked as I grabbed my purse.
“To clear my head. We’ve been fighting way too much lately and I think we could use some time apart.”
And I could use some time to convince myself of the decision I had just made.
He stood up. “Time apart? We’re about to get months of that and you want it now?”
“I’m not the one who started this argument in the first place. I said I was proud of you and you got huffy. What did you want me to say? That I don’t want you to go to Harvard? That I want you to stay with me always, even if it means sacrificing your entire future? What do you want me to do, Tyler? Tell me and I’ll do it! Because I love you, but for the love of hell you’re driving me nuts with your mood swings and your inability to talk about them!”
“Well maybe if you listened to me every once in a while, you’d hear things instead of always being clueless and in the dark!”
“I’m the clueless one? I’m proud of you, Tyler. I’m so glad you made it into Harvard and I know you’re going to rock ass, but I’m somehow the clueless one?”
“What are you even going to do when we graduate, Ana? You haven’t even opened up to me about your colleges, about where you applied and what you’re going to do! Why won’t you talk to me about this stuff? This is important. You want me to talk, but you don’t want to talk yourself.”
“Because what I want to do isn’t important anymore!”
“It’s important to me!” he exclaimed.
“Well you sure as hell aren’t acting like it is!”
“What do you think this entire conversation has been about if it’s not important to me? No, you know what? Never mind. I’m glad I’m leaving for Harvard soon. Maybe the people there will know how to interact with other human beings!”
I clenched my fists at my sides and stared him down. I felt my nostrils flaring and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Tyler’s stormy green eyes locked with mine as my heart shattered into a million pieces at my feet. Tears rose to my eyes and he faltered, but it was too late. Breathing got hard and my mind came to a careening halt, confirming what I knew I had to do.
I couldn’t let this pregnancy hold him back.
I couldn’t let this pregnancy tie him to a woman he felt didn’t understand him.
“Well I’m glad, too. Maybe one of those people will understand you better than I do,” I said.
“Ana, I didn’t mean—”
“Maybe one of those college girls will love you like I do.”
“Ana, please sit down.”
“Maybe one of those beautiful, thin, confident women will make you forget all about me and my high school acne and my thick-framed glasses and everything else that comes with—”
“Ana, stop it!”