There was a lot more than that I wanted to say. This wasn’t the first time Carter had shown up at my place as he tried to outrun his demons. It wasn’t the first time he had blacked out, or the first time he had passed out on my couch. I had kind of thought it would get old after a while, but that didn’t seem to be the case.
Carter nodded, running a hand through his hair. “Honestly, I don’t remember much after last night’s show,” he admitted. I hoped that meant he didn’t remember Leah and the way he had almost kissed her.
Not that it mattered either way. I didn’t have any claim on her. Not that I wanted someone like Carter fucking around with her, though.
“Maybe it’s time you considered laying off the booze,” I couldn’t help but say.
Carter stared at me for a long moment. From the flat set to his mouth, I could tell there were a dozen things he wanted to say in response to that. He held them all back, though. I didn’t know if I was thankful for that. There was a part of me that couldn’t help but wonder—if he and I really went at it, shouted at each other, finally aired all of our grievances, would it help us finally start to put ourselves back together again? Would it fix some of the tension within the band?
But he was silent, and I had already said too much. If I just kept pushing him, I would destroy everything.
He drained his coffee mug and set it down on the coffee table, scrubbing his hands over his face. “Can I grab a shower?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said. He headed into the bathroom, and I sat down at my drum set.
I grabbed my sticks and played a slow roll on the cymbal. But I left it at that, too distracted to actually put something together.
It was all Leah’s fault that I couldn’t concentrate. If she hadn’t been at the show the night before, if she weren’t so cute… If she hadn’t been so damned sexy, with the way she reacted to every touch of my fingers and mouth against her skin. It was just a fling with my next-door neighbor, but I couldn’t get her out of my head.
I knew I needed to focus on my music. It was one of the things that had been driving me nuts about the way Carter and Mark were acting lately. The last thing I needed was to forget all about my goals in pursuit of a pretty woman. Even if that pretty woman lived next door to me and was impossible to ignore.
There was a part of me that wished she hadn’t shown up there with pizza that evening, regardless of what it had led to. There was a bigger part of me that just couldn’t get over what had happened. I had never expected her to blow my mind. I wondered how I could possibly keep my hands off her now.
Even if she clearly would rather be with someone else.
Carter came out of my bedroom before my blood could boil over with jealousy. He was pulling one of my T-shirts over his head. I knew I would never get it back.
That was the thing—I knew exactly how these sorts of situations with Carter always ended. And yet somehow, we still kept ending up back here.
Was that the only thing that drew me to Leah? The fact that she was unpredictable, the fact that she was the only new and different thing in my life at the moment? I wanted to think that wasn’t all it was, but at the end of the day, I wasn’t so sure.
Carter and I headed for the taco truck up the street, as we always did after one of his benders. Suddenly, I was just so sick of the predictable.
“You know,” I said, trying to sound casual, “I don’t know how much you remember from last night, but we were really good. Crowd was really into it.”
Carter made a noncommittal noise. I wondered how much of what I was saying were things he was choosing not to hear. I wondered why it was that now, when we were so close, was the time that he and Mark both seemed dead set on sabotaging us.
I felt myself starting to get annoyed. “If we keep booking shows at the rate we’ve been going, it’s only a matter of time before we make it big,” I said. “Or at least bigger. It’s going to take an effort from all the members, though.” Carter still didn’t seem to be paying attention, focusing more on his tacos than on me. “We could make better money,” I added, wondering if that was the trick.
Still no response. Finally, I shook my head, deciding that the personal appeal I’d been holding back had a place after all. I leaned forward.