Now it was like the universe was leading him back in my direction. Perhaps that was a bit dramatic, but I couldn’t just ignore it. The news anchor said there were still tickets left for the show. If I was going to go along with the idea of all this being a sign, there being tickets left was just another one. I happened to know most of the shows in the tour sold out weeks, sometimes even months, in advance. This was too good an opportunity to pass up.
Supporting my daughter with one arm, I took out my phone with the other hand and searched the ticket sales website. Several options popped up, and I couldn’t help myself. I bought a ticket and tossed my phone away as if I could somehow convince myself it was no big deal. And it really wasn’t. I was just satisfying curiosity, continuing the support and encouragement I used to give the band before leaving. It wasn’t like Jayson was going to see me. The concert was being held in a huge arena. It wasn’t like the shows I used to go to where he would be able to look out of the crowd and see my face. There would be no winking at me or waving from behind his drums. I would just disappear into the crowd, become one of the sea of faces, and he would never even know I was there. Besides, the show was still two weeks away. I could change my mind and not go if I wanted to.
But I didn’t. I woke up the morning of the show with butterflies in my stomach. I was excited to go and looking forward to hearing the band again. After ten months I was sure they had gotten even better and maybe would even have new songs for me to hear. It would be a nice little trip down memory lane, then I could go right back to the regularly scheduled program of my life and no one would know the difference.
Only, it didn’t work out quite that way, either.
The show was every bit as thrilling as I thought it would be. Seeing Jayson up on the stage made my throat tighten with emotion and tugged on my heart, but it was also good. He was in his element up there. This was a much larger stage and a much bigger show than I’d ever seen him in, and it looked good on him. He looked out over the crowd and never once did his eyes settle on me. I felt guarded by the anonymity of the audience, and when the set was over, I was ready to go. Being away from the baby was difficult when it wasn’t for work, and my breasts were telling me they were full and ready to be pumped. I needed to fill bottles for her for the morning so they’d be ready while I was at work.
The headlining band didn’t matter to me, anyway. I was only there to see Jayson. Slipping out while the headliner was getting ready to go on meant I wouldn’t have to grapple with the crowds and would get home much faster. And it would have worked if I hadn’t chosen the exit I did.
I could have gone to any of the other exits in the arena. But a last-minute detour through the restroom put me at the door toward the back. I decided to leave through there and just walk around to my car rather than crossing back through the building. As I was headed to the door, I noticed a familiar figure ahead of me. Leaned against a wall, chugging from a flask, was Carter.
Shit.
I tried to turn and duck out of the way, hoping he didn’t see me, but it didn’t work. Before I could even change direction, he looked over at me and I saw his eyes go wide. Tucking his flask away, he rushed over toward me.
No, no, no. I couldn’t get away, so I stopped and gave the guitarist a tight smile.
“Hi, Carter,” I said.
He looked me up and down like he wasn’t completely convinced he was seeing what he thought he was.
“Leah,” he said. “I can’t believe it. What are you doing here?”
I looked around and threw my arms out to the sides in a casual gesture.
“What everybody else here is doing. You know, just catching the show. You were great, by the way. You guys sound fantastic. But now I’ve got to be going,” I said.
I started to walk around him, but Carter moved in my way to stop me.
“Jayson has been a totally fucked-up mess since you left. You ruined him. How could you do that to him, then show up here?” he asked.
The confrontation hit me in the gut and made heat crawl up the back of my neck, but I couldn’t engage in it. I needed to get out of the situation and not deal with any of this anymore. This was a mistake.