I didn’t want to let her go. I held on to Leah as tightly as I could, wanting to keep the moment going. Having her in my arms again was everything I’d been needing those past long months. Ten months was already a long time. Being away from her made it feel that much longer. Touring was absolutely grueling, and there were moments when I felt so overwhelmed and alone. Those were the moments when not having Leah there with me were the worst.
I missed her all the time. When I was excited about a particularly good show, I wanted to share it with her. When there was the rare funny moment, I wanted her there to experience it with me. But it was the times when I was exhausted after playing show after show and barely getting any sleep, or when I was the only one who stayed in rather than going out to bars or after-hours clubs with the other band members, those were the times when I felt her absence the most. I miss having her there to listen to me, to comfort me and make me feel whole.
I couldn’t live without her. That was more obvious than ever. Especially now that I knew living without her would be living without our daughter. That just wasn’t an option. But that left me with not knowing what to do next. I knew I couldn’t ask her to come on the road and bring along our infant child. That would be too much for both of them. All I could do right then was hold her close and hope I would figure out the right answer.
Leah snuggled closer, her head on my chest and her arm draped over my waist.
“What happens now?” she asked.
I kissed her head and rested my head against it.
“Well, the tour is almost finished, and the band will be heading back to Los Angeles. We don’t know what’s going to happen after that, but I want you to come back to LA with me,” I told her.
“Go back with you?” she asked, sounding surprised by the suggestion.
“Of course. We can move into a bigger place together. Be a family.”
She sighed and snuggled closer. “Having a family isn’t exactly conducive to getting a music career off the ground,” she pointed out.
“I know my career isn’t ideal. But I’m willing to work as hard as I have to in order to be a good partner for you and a good father to our daughter. I promise you no matter what it takes, you and Harper will always come first. Even if that means having to give up music and get a suit-and-tie-type job so it’s easier for us to be together,” I vowed.
She shook her head and laughed. “I hope it won’t come to that.”
“I hope it won’t either,” he agreed. “Because I’m really only good at beating on things, and ties make me feel like I’m being slowly strangled.”
She laughed again. “What am I going to do with you?”
I took her by her arms and adjusted her position so she was above me, looking down into my face.
“You’re going to love me,” I told her. “Forever.”
She smiled and kissed me.
“Yes, I am.”
Epilogue
Leah – One Year Later
“Do you think that picture makes my nose look big?” Jayson asked.
I wished he had waited for at least a few seconds, because right at the moment he was asking, I was taking a long sip out of my glass of iced tea. It took all my control to hold back my full laugh until I swallowed so I could keep the tea in my mouth. Even though I knew he was joking, I couldn’t help but look out the window beside me at the billboard.
It was amazing how much could change in just one year. Only a year ago I was in Dixon, still trying to get my bearings as a single mother and figure out what life ahead of me was going to look like. I thought I’d lost the love of my life forever and was going to have to sit back and watch while Jayson thrived and found a new life without ever knowing what ours could have been.
Now I was sitting in a restaurant in Hollywood, looking out a window at a massive billboard with Jayson’s face on it. The rest of the band was on it too, but his face was front and center. And it certainly did make him look big.
“Yes,” I told him. “It really does.”
The billboard had just gone up two days before, and we were both getting used to it. There was something simultaneously jarring and exciting about looking up and seeing my partner twenty feet tall in the middle of a billboard. The board was to advertise the band’s new album, and it was already getting tons of press. The first album was good and brought a lot of attention, but this one was shattering that success. The band had finally broken through and was bigger than ever. Bigger than any of them had ever dared dream of being. The tour with The Monsters had been their springboard, and it had only been an upward climb since then.