At least, that’s what I was going to tell myself had thrown me off that morning. I didn’t want to admit it was still thinking about Darren or the fact that it was my first race day with the company.
I spooned up another bite of oatmeal for Willa and fed it to her. She reached for the spoon, apparently finally interested in feeding herself. I finished the coffee and contemplated having another. My heart was already racing, and my brain wasn’t all the way there, so I decided against it. Instead, I tried for what was probably the fifth time that morning to eat the two pieces of toast I’d buttered. I kept taking a bite, then getting distracted by something and abandoning the toast on the plate on the counter. It was cold by the time I stood and concentrated on getting both slices down.
Out in the front of the apartment I heard the door open and knew it was Pam. I stepped out of the kitchen so I could look down the hallway into the living room. She smiled brightly at me and waved. I noticed she was carrying a large bag under one arm, and she dropped it onto the couch before coming to the kitchen.
“Look who’s awake bright and early this morning,” she said cheerfully when she saw Willa in her highchair.
“She’s had breakfast. I would guess she’s going to get tired and will need her nap earlier today,” I said.
“I’ll keep an eye on her,” Pam told me.
I let out a sigh. “I know you will. I’m sorry. My brain is just all over the place this morning.”
“That’s all right. It’s a big day for you. The first race! That’s really exciting.”
“It is,” I agreed. “It should be fun. I just hope it goes well.”
“Of course it will. They’re going to be blown away by their performance, and it’s all thanks to you,” she said.
“I don’t know about that. His riding skills are probably important, too.”
Pam shrugged and made a dismissive sound. “He’s basically just a jockey. All he does is sit. It’s all about the bike.”
I laughed. “Been following motorcycle racing?”
“I’ve picked up a few things. After talking to you about your career, I got interested. And I found out that race days are hard and long, so I wanted to make sure you are ready. I packed you some food. It’s in that bag on the couch. There’s Italian pasta salad, some good crusty bread, apples and peanut butter, crackers and pesto, a couple of brownies. Stuff like that. Don’t forget to eat while you make sure those bikes are running hot.” I laughed again, and Pam smiled. “That’s a thing, right? That’s what you biker kids say?”
I decided to get out of the house before she could confuse bikers and bike racers any further. It was getting late, and I needed to get to the complex to help with the preparations for the race. We had to do all the last-minute checks and tune-ups on the bikes, go through some practice runs, and get everything packed and ready to go over to the racetrack. Quentin told me about the tailgate party Merry threw for the fans before each race, and I looked forward to checking it out before taking my place in the pits.
“Thank you so much. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I told Pam.
She waved me off and grabbed a cloth to wipe off Willa’s face. My daughter had a new determination to feed herself, but much of the remaining oatmeal and fruit had ended up on her chubby cheeks rather than actually in her mouth.
She waved her had dismissively. “It’s nothing. You’re so much more important in my life. My daughter moved away after declaring to me she decided she was never going to have children. Ever. Now, that’s a perfectly valid life choice. I can’t say I believe every woman is supposed to give birth or raise children. That’s up to everyone to make their own decision, and I would never want anyone to bring a child into this world if they didn’t really want one. But my daughter is my only child. Which means when she made the decision to not have children, she made the decision for me not to have grandchildren. That hurts a bit. But getting to be here with Willa is like having a grandbaby of my own. I’d pay you to let me watch her if I thought you’d take it.”
She finished with a laugh, and I smiled at her. Walking around the table, I kissed Willa on the head.
“I love you so much. You be a good girl, and I will see you when I get home. I’ll be later today, but you can call me.”
“Luh oou, Mama,” she said, and I just about melted.