This was me bringing my daughter so they could meet their grandchild and their niece, so Willa could meet her father’s side of the family. It was Darren introducing me in a new light, showing our relationship… whatever that might be. We hadn’t talked about it yet. We hadn’t chosen words for it or decided what exactly we were. I was fine with that. As long as he was in my life now, there was plenty of time to come up with the specifics and technicalities later. Darren wanted to pick us up, but that made me uncomfortable. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be near him or that I didn’t want them seeing us arrive together. I just wanted to have the control of leaving whenever I wanted to without having to inconvenience him. If things started getting tense or Willa got upset, I needed to be able to get back in the car and just head home.
He texted me the address, so I typed it into my GPS and followed the directions across town. The landscape got more beautiful and the houses bigger as I traveled. Soon they started getting farther apart, and there was more of the lush greenery surrounding me. Finally, I turned onto the street that brought me to a long driveway. My heart pounded as the massive house rose up over the horizon and I saw a series of cars parked with a familiar bike at the back. Parking next to Darren’s bike, I called him.
“I’m here,” I told him when he answered.
“Come on back. Just go to the end of the driveway and follow the path to the back of the house. There’s a big gate—go through it and you’ll find us,” he said.
I wanted to ask him to come get me, but I resisted. It didn’t take many steps down the driveway for me to hear the laughter and voices coming from behind the house. It sounded like far more than just the family, and my stomach started twisting around. By the time I got to the back of the house, I felt sick and shaky. I gripped Willa tightly on my hip and kept a smile on my face so she wouldn’t feel afraid.
When I stepped through the gate, my eyes widened. Darren had described the yard for me, but it was even more incredible than I thought it was going to be. It was stunningly beautiful, with a massive multilevel deck coming down from the back of the huge house, an outdoor kitchen, a firepit surrounded by seating, and grass into the distance where it met with woods. I saw all four of the Freeman boys, Gus and Minnie, Greg and his mother, and a couple of others who I assumed were the friends Darren mentioned. He noticed me and smiled widely, setting down his drink and rushing toward me.
Darren settled his hand on my lower back and gave me a soft kiss. He touched another kiss to Willa’s head, and my little girl giggled happily. I was surprised at the gestures. It was so open, no hesitation. He wanted everyone to see us and to know about the little family we were working on having together.
“Can I hold you?” Darren asked Willa.
She giggled again and shyly tucked her face into the curve of my neck, but then reached one chubby little hand toward him. I’d talked to her about Darren, but I wasn’t sure how much of it she understood. He took her into his arms and brought her over to the family. They immediately started gushing all over her, thrilled to meet her and telling her how pretty she was. I slipped into the background, content to just kind of hover there without anyone really noticing me for now.
The rest of the day went by in a state of steady, simmering anxiety. No one was mean to me, and I enjoyed talking with Merry, but Minnie was different. She was polite, but in the distant way she would be to a stranger. I deserved that, but that didn’t mean I didn’t hate it. I enjoyed watching Willa thrive among her new family, playing with the puppies and running around in the grass. Darren did an exceptional job watching after her. He made sure she didn’t get too close to the fire and patiently held her hands while she walked up and down the steps of the deck.
I stayed as long as I thought Willa could handle it, then started to ease us out. Darren wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to kiss me on the side of the head.
“Let’s go,” he said.
“Let’s?” I asked.
He nodded.
“I’m coming with you,” he said.
We piled into my Jeep with Darren driving. Willa was already nearly asleep when we got home, and I invited him inside. While he waited in the living room, I gave her a bath and carried her into her room. Darren came in and sat with me as I read to her, watching as she fell asleep, then took me by the hand and brought me into the living room. We sat on the couch in silence, aware of everything we needed to say to each other, but not knowing where to start. Right as I was feeling so lost and uncertain about everything I didn’t know what to do next, Darren leaned in to kiss me.