Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

Without answering, I cupped his face in my hands, leant in, and kissed him. The heat of his lips felt like he’d set me on fire. I’d avoided kissing him whenever possible this week because it just reminded me how good it would be with him. He kissed me back, moaning in the back of his throat as the kiss deepened. My hands tangled in the back of his hair, pulling him closer to me and showing him how much I was going to miss him as our tongues tangled together.

He pulled away after a couple of minutes and set his forehead against mine as his ragged breath blew across my lips. My whole body was throbbing with need. “I’m gonna miss you so much, Anna. Please be safe and do everything that your guards tell you. If you need me to come back, call me, and I’ll be on the next plane,” he promised.

“Stop worrying!” I laughed, brushing my nose against his softly. “You try and enjoy yourself, alright?”

He nodded wearily. “I will. I guess I’d better go. Try not to dream, okay?”

“I won’t dream.” I smiled reassuringly. “It’s just two nights, and then you’ll be back.” As a key twisted in the front door, Ashton groaned and my arms moved from his neck, dropping down into my lap. His eyes didn’t leave me once as Dean strutted into the lounge. “Dean, tell Ashton that you’re perfectly capable of looking after me while he’s away having fun for the weekend,” I instructed.

Dean grinned. “Yep, perfectly capable. The new guy is here now so we’re all set up and ready. You should go; you’ll miss your plane.”

Ashton’s eyes finally left me as he nodded and pushed himself up to his feet. “I’ll see you in a couple of days then. I’ll call you in the morning,” he promised, bending and planting a soft lingering kiss on my forehead before righting himself and turning to Dean. “Can I have a word with you outside?” he asked, nodding at the front door.

I watched as he left, sending me a little defeated wave at the door. My heart ached. I was going to miss him so terribly much, but I was happy that he was going to have fun for the weekend. He deserved to.

To pass the time, I picked up my sketchpad and drew a few scenes from our vacation. Lately I’d been drawing our trip a lot, probably because it was on my mind a lot. I missed the freedom that the place afforded me, I missed the closeness of Ashton and our togetherness, and I certainly missed his body. It felt like an age since we’d been back but, in reality, it was only a week.

My routine for this weekend without him was slightly different. Dean was moving into the other bedroom to replace Ashton, and my father had sent over another far guard, Cohen, to replace Dean as daytime guard. Dean seemed slightly nervous about acting as near guard for the duration of Ashton’s trip, but he was the only one that I trusted to do it and be that close to me.

After I’d made dinner for us both, I went for a long soak in the tub. My day dragged but, to be honest, I didn’t want the evening to come too quickly anyway. I wasn’t looking forward to a night without Ashton again.

The water was cold by the time I was out of the bath. I dried my body and hair slowly, taking as much time as possible so that I could avoid going to bed.

Finally, at half past eleven, I could avoid it no longer. I called goodnight to Dean and crawled into the bed, lying on Ashton’s side. The pillow still held his scent, and a little feeling of contentment washed over me. My eyes flicked to the bedside unit and the photo of me and Ashton on our trip that one of the staff had taken. His handsome smiling face stared back at me, and I sighed, silently hoping he was having a nice time. He’d be there and settled in to his hotel room by now. I tried desperately not to think of him sleeping with other girls this weekend, even though I knew it was pointless to hope he wouldn’t, after all, he wasn’t mine and he was a player, so of course he would be with other girls. I closed my eyes, thinking of lazing on a hammock in the shade of a palm tree and hoping that the nice memory would ward off the bad dreams that were bound to plague me tonight.

I sit as still as I can. His anger is easy to see. “For f**k’s sake, Mark, go f**king take care of it for me! Make him realise he can’t rip me off and get away with it,” Carter spits.

Mark smiles, sending chills down my spine. He is evil incarnate, and revels in doing his job. He is Carter’s second in charge and delights in torturing people and inflicting pain. “Absolutely, how about I bring you his head?” he offers.

Carter laughs and shakes his head. “Nah, too messy,” he jokes. I heave but due to not having eaten for a day and a half, I have nothing to bring up. When Mark leaves the room, Carter turns to me, smiling his loving smile. “Sorry about that, Princess. My business talk’s all done now. Where were we?” he asks, taking my hand and pulling me from the edge of the bed so I have to stand. His hands slide down my body, catching the bottom of his T-shirt I am wearing. I don’t resist as he lifts it over my head so I am naked. I don’t resist anymore, I am all out of fight. “Right about here, I think,” he coos, grinning and looking at my body lustfully. His hands run over my bruised body, and I whimper when his fingers touch a bruise I have on my stomach. “Get down on your knees, Princess,” he whispers, unzipping his pants as a predatory smile creeps onto his face.

I sat up and screamed as the horror washed over me again. Reality tugged at my brain as it slowly registered that I was in my own room, that it was just a dream and that it was over. I put my head between my knees and tried to calm myself, wincing as the memory of it carried on playing in my head. I gripped my hands in my hair, biting my lip as I tried desperately to think of something else.