Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

“Transferred?”

I nodded in confirmation. “Yeah, I’m back in LA now.” My voice sounded depressed even to my own ears.

“Why did she have you transferred? You do something wrong? Tell me you didn’t cheat on her. If you did, I’m gonna have to kick your ass for being a f**king moron,” he raised one eyebrow in question.

“I didn’t cheat,” I confirmed. “Everything was great, but then…” I swallowed, not wanting to divulge all of the Carter stuff. Actually, I didn’t even think I had the mental strength to explain it all to him properly. “I’m going to bed. I can’t talk about this now. I’ll see you in the morning.” I didn’t wait for an answer as I pushed myself up and stalked towards my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

I flopped down on my bed and pulled my phone out of my pocket, staring at it in frustration when I saw no missed calls or messages from her sitting there. She was killing me; the pain was unbearable. Suddenly an idea occurred to me and my thumb swished through my contacts quickly.

Maddy answered on the second ring. I closed my eyes. “Hi, ma’am, this is Agent Taylor. May I please speak to the President?” I asked hopefully.

She sighed. “Hi. Yes, absolutely. He’s been expecting a call from you,” she replied.

I groaned. He knew I’d call, which meant that he wasn’t going to change his mind.

I was on hold for a few seconds before he spoke. “Agent Taylor, I know what you’re going to say. I’m sorry, but this is what Annabelle has asked for, I can’t go against her wishes,” he stated, without even saying hello.

My lungs constricted. “I understand that, sir, but what with Carter being out now and the letters… Sir, he’ll come after her, we both know it. It’s not a matter of what she wants, it’s a matter of keeping her safe,” I countered, trying to reason with his protective parental instincts.

“I know, I know. I’m not happy with this either, but she specifically asked me for this, she said she needed it to happen. I don’t suppose you can shed any light on the situation for me? Annabelle refused to give me a reason,” he requested hopefully.

I sighed. I didn’t even understand the reason myself, but I couldn’t tell him about our relationship and that I ‘complicated things’ according to her with my love sick puppy act. I refused to make things harder for her on purpose. She wouldn’t want her parents to know how close we had gotten, she was an extremely private person, and I respected that about her.

“Not if she doesn’t want me to, sir, I’m sorry. But please reconsider. I’m the best one to protect her. Please let me keep her safe,” I begged.

“I’m sorry, son. Your new assignment should be what you want. If it’s not, then let me know and I’ll arrange something else. I’ve put a glowing recommendation on your file. I’m glad you called me because I wanted to personally thank you for what you did for Annabelle. I’ve honestly not seen her this happy in years. I’m just sorry it had to be cut short.”

He wasn’t going to change his mind, this was it, my last chance and he wasn’t even close to helping me. I nodded. “Me too.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “If you need anyone to help with Anna’s safety at any time, please let me know,” I offered.

“Will do, son,” he replied as he disconnected the call.

The next few days were the worst of my life. On top of the painful, gaping hole that now resided where my heart used to be, the White House had put out a public statement stating that I was nothing more than Anna’s guard and that the relationship was fake. As soon as the statement was released, reporters were hounding me for interviews everywhere I went, taking photos and asking questions. I refused to answer any, and after about a week it died down slightly.

I could barely sleep, but when I did, I had nightmares about her calling for help and I couldn’t reach her or couldn’t find her. Each time I would wake up in a cold sweat and roll over to cuddle her, only to have my heart break all over again when I remembered she wasn’t there.

The only good thing going on in my life was my job. I had my dream job: Front Line. The Captain was extremely pleased to have me, and was majorly impressed with my letter from the President. I fitted straight into the team, and the job was everything I always thought it would be and more. But each day was like my own private nightmare. All I wanted to do was talk to her, hold her and keep her safe.

As the days dragged into weeks, it got worse and worse. I hardly wanted to get out of bed. Every night it would take me hours to fall asleep and I would have awful nightmares about her, then I would wake every single morning thinking she was there, only to remember and have to start all over again. My life was a steaming pile of shit. I didn’t want to go to work or even see my friends. Everything was just too much effort.

What made it worse was the date that approached. Anna’s birthday and the four year anniversary of Jack being murdered. She was going to be in pieces, I knew it, and I wasn’t there to help her or stop her from attempting to take her life, like she had done for the last two years.

While I waited for the phone to connect, I stared down at the FedEx box on my bed that I’d just finished wrapping. The address on the front was to Anna, care of the White House PO Box address that was for personal mail to the President. My heart sank. I wasn’t even sure she would open it, but I had to try.

When Maddy answered the call, I ran my hand through my hair. “Hi, ma’am, it’s Agent Taylor. Do you think it would be possible to speak to the President?” I asked glumly, flopping back and closing my eyes.