Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

I smiled, knowing that he didn’t think I was going to be able to hit him. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t. I’d tried three times already and hadn’t gotten anywhere near him. I slipped off my shoes and walked over to the training mats.

I turned back to Ashton, who was standing there looking like a cocky, arrogant Greek God. “I’m gonna attack you and I want you to fight me off. You can really hit me, it’s fine. After, I’ll tell you where you can improve, okay?” he instructed, looking like he genuinely didn’t want to do this.

I nodded and waited for him to approach. When he moved towards me, I quickly ducked out of the way, kicking my leg out towards his stomach. His hand wrapped around my ankle, holding it still as he swept my other leg out from under me. I slammed back into the padded mat with him on top of me.

“Holy shit!” I gasped, trying to get the air back into my lungs. That was freaking awesome!

“You okay?” he asked, looking a bit concerned as he hovered above me.

I nodded. “Again,” I instructed, pushing him up. He shook his head, frowning, but helped me to my feet regardless of his noticeable unwillingness to do this.

Within a minute I was on the floor again. I groaned as I rolled onto my side and pushed myself to my feet. My whole body was aching from my run, but I refused to quit. I faced him, watching as he winced. “Again,” I barked, bringing my arms up to protect my face. He sighed heavily and moved to attack me.

After the fifth time of landing flat on my back, he pinned me to the floor, his body pressing into mine. “Enough now,” he said sternly. He wasn’t even slightly out of breath, whereas I was panting and sweating like a pig.

“No, not yet,” I whined, struggling to talk through my wheezy breath.

“That’s enough for today, Anna. I can’t do this. Look at you! If you want, I’ll teach you, but you need to slow down, you can’t keep doing this to yourself,” he protested.

“Just one more time. Please?” I begged, trying to wriggle my arms free.

“Okay, one more, if you’ll tell me why you do this to your body. Why do you train so hard?” he bargained, frowning.

I gulped, knowing I needed to tell the truth if I wanted him to train me. “I want to be able to defend myself, and if the time comes and I ever see him again, I want to be able to kill him,” I confided.

He blinked. “It looks to me like you’re trying to kill yourself too,” he observed, concern clear across his face.

I shrugged at his comment. “Whatever. Him, me, what’s the difference? Either way it doesn’t matter,” I retorted, turning my head away from his intense gaze.

He sucked in a shaky breath and his grip loosened on my wrists before he pushed himself up, pulling me to my feet. A pained looked was etched on his face as he spoke, “One more then like I promised, and then that’s it for today. Agreed?”

“Agreed.” I shifted into a slight crouch, preparing for him to attack me again.

He moved and came at me from the side. I quickly whipped around and landed a punch to his side, but he barely seemed to notice. Grabbing my shoulders, he knocked my feet out and we both landed on the floor within about five seconds.

A defeated tear fell down my face and he quickly wiped it away. “Did I hurt you? Are you okay?” he asked urgently.

I shook my head. I wasn’t in pain; I just couldn’t believe that all this time I thought I was getting somewhere, that I would be able to inflict some real damage to Carter if I ever saw him again, and now nothing. I couldn’t even land a decent enough hit to cause any pain. My world was shattering around me; everything I’d worked for over the last three years, the hours of training I’d put in, they weren’t worth shit.

“I’m fine. Not hurt,” I croaked, willing myself not to break down.

“Then why are you crying?” he asked, wiping my tears away again.

“I just thought I’d be able to at least defend myself, but I can’t even do that!” I croaked, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to gain control of my emotions.

“Hey, you can defend yourself. You can. Anna, I’ve been trained extensively; I was the best in hand-to-hand combat in my year. I’m SWAT, Anna, you wouldn’t be able to beat me, but I’ll help you, I will. If you were fighting a normal guy, you could kick his ass, I swear,” he assured me, wiping the sweat from my forehead.

I groaned and closed my eyes. I didn’t even realise he was still on top of me until he put his head down in the crook of my neck and planted a soft kiss on my shoulder.

Shockwaves radiated through my whole body. I stiffened. “Get off, get off me, now!” I almost screamed. He jumped up and backed away quickly, his hands up, obviously trying not to scare me. I rolled to my side and pushed myself up. My whole body was shaking violently; I scooted to the wall and sat there watching him.

He slumped to the floor on the opposite side of the gym and put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry; I don’t know why I did that. Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

I nodded. I was okay, my body was shaking from the shock, but I was okay. “Don’t do that again,” I croaked around the lump in my throat. He shook his head quickly, watching me with caution.

My chin trembled as I pushed myself up to standing. Immediately, my weary body protested from the movement. I’d really overdone it this time. My legs were wobbly as I made my way out of the gym and up to my bedroom so I could take a bath. I focussed on the pain in my body so that I wouldn’t think about what had just happened. It worked, somewhat.