Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

At seven thirty, I knew my presence was required downstairs, as usual. Dinner with the parents. “Hi, honey,” my mom chirped, as I walked into the formal dining room.

“Hey,” I grunted, plopping myself down at the table.

“Sweetheart, we invited Agent Taylor to dine with us tonight. He’ll be down in a minute,” my dad said, smiling awkwardly.

“Why? Why would you do that? You’ve never invited a guard to eat with us before,” I asked, a little annoyed.

“Well, he’s not like the normal guards, honey; he’ll be a lot more involved. He’s posing as your boyfriend so you two need to get to know each other ready for next week,” my mom replied, smiling cheerfully.

I frowned, trying to work out her apparent excitement. Just then he walked in and all eyes snapped to him. He was wearing black dress pants and a light grey button-down shirt. Obviously dressed to impress my father.

I sighed and averted my eyes, watching my mother who was grinning happily. “Good evening, Agent Taylor,” she smiled, nodding at him.

“Good evening, ma’am,” he greeted. My father stood and shook his hand. “It’s nice to see you again, sir,” Ashton said politely.

“You too, son. Have a seat there next to Annabelle,” my dad replied, pointing to the chair next to mine. I played with my napkin as Ashton sat down. I could feel his eyes on me, but I refused to look at him.

“Hi, Anna,” he said softly.

“Hi,” I replied, nodding in acknowledgement, still not looking at him.

“Are you okay? You know, after earlier?” he asked.

I forced a smile and looked over at him. His eyes were showing remorse, he was really feeling guilty; he was almost in pain by the look of it. “I’m fine, honestly.” I smiled reassuringly. He looked like he visibly relaxed and smiled back; he was probably relieved I hadn’t said anything to my father and ordered his transfer. “So, what’s for dinner tonight?” I asked, looking away from his beautiful green eyes and trying to change the subject.

“Er, well I think it’s steak,” my mom answered, sounding unsure.

I laughed. “Oh, Ashton only eats baked potatoes and cheeseburgers,” I joked.

He laughed too, shaking his head. “No, I said I only cooked baked potatoes. I eat anything,” he corrected, grinning.

I smiled and looked back seeing that my mother was watching me with wide, hopeful eyes. My easy smile faded because she was acting weird. “Why do you keep looking at me like that?” There was definitely something going on.

“I just… I haven’t seen you laugh since before Jack…” she trailed off, her face falling as she probably realised what she was about to say.

I closed my eyes as understanding washed over me. “Right, since Jack died. Now I get it. That’s why Ashton’s been invited to dinner. You think that suddenly I’m gonna forget Jack and fall all over the hot new guard? Is that your plan?” I asked angrily, glaring at her.

She shook her head in response, wincing. “No, it’s just that we’ve been hearing stories all day, people have seen you making jokes, laughing and smiling. A couple of the staff said that they saw you two holding hands. Everyone’s just wondering, that’s all.”

I turned to my father. “And are you wondering, Dad? Planning on getting to know him better, check and see if he’s good enough for your f**ked up daughter? What do you think? Does he get your approval?”

“Annabelle, that’s enough! You must be able to see our side, the first time you met him you shook his hand, for goodness’ sake. Do you know what I would give to be able to do that? To hold your hand, or kiss you goodnight? It’s strange for us to witness. We were just wondering if there was something going on, that’s all,” my dad countered, frowning guiltily.

I snorted, pushing my chair back making a loud scrape on the wooden floor as I stood up. “Yeah, there’s something going on,” I lied. “He’s a really good f**k; he made me scream good and proper. Is that what you wanted to hear? One great screw and I’m over Jack, all my problems just, poof, up into thin air. Are you f**king crazy?” I growled. I glanced down at Ashton, who looked so uncomfortable he was probably thinking about hiding under the table.

“Language, Annabelle! We raised you better than that,” my father chastised.

“Right, I forgot. I was raised better than that, but you know what? That daughter of yours died the day her boyfriend was murdered! The day everything went to shit, the day my whole f**king perfect life got turned upside down. I’m sorry that I’m not that person anymore, but I’m not going to suddenly get better just because I talked to a guy.” I took a deep breath before I continued my angry rant. “That girl you knew, she’s gone, and she’s not coming back. I wish you’d all get used to it and stop reading something out of nothing. This guy,” I pointed at Ashton, “he’ll be gone soon, just like all the others, and then you’ll be wondering what all the f**king fuss was about,” I growled, turning on my heel and walking out, leaving them all sitting there, staring after me with open mouths.

I stormed off to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me and making it rattle on its hinges. Throwing myself down on the bed, I buried my face into a pillow and screamed until my throat was hoarse. I hated that they assumed things that I could never give. I hated that they still expected me to suddenly get over it and move on. I couldn’t move on, and I didn’t even want to try.