Did I? No. I knew it, deep down; I had never loved another like I loved Jamie, and I most likely never would. “No.” I felt like I was betraying Toby by saying the word out loud.
Jamie, ever the gentleman, didn’t gloat over my admission. I saw a smile twitch at the corner of his mouth, but he hid it as quickly as it had come and then changed the subject. “I bought you a ring once. I was going to propose. I’d asked your dad and everything, but then...” He frowned. “Then shit happened.”
I couldn’t mask my shocked expression; my mouth dropped open with an audible pop as my eyes widened. “What?” My father had never revealed this piece of information. I’d gone off, heartbroken, and he’d never told me that Jamie had spoken to him about taking the next step. “What did my dad say?” Somehow that was important. Having just lost him, I needed to know his opinion—would he have given Jamie and me his blessing?
Jamie smiled sadly. “He said as long as I kept making you smile, then yes, but he made me promise to wait a few years before I took you down the aisle.”
My emotions overcame me again and I burst into tears, covering my face with my hands. And then Jamie was there again, wrapping his strong arms around me, crushing me against his body as his face pressed into my hair, his breath fanning down my neck. I cried harder, clinging to him, grieving for the loss of us as a couple and for my dad.
“Would you have said yes?” Jamie asked, stroking my back soothingly as my body shook and hitched with sobs.
I nodded awkwardly against his shoulder, my fingers digging into his back, clutching him closer. I definitely would have said yes, I would have practically snatched the ring from his hand and screamed the word yes. I would have been proud to wear his ring on my finger.
His body sagged against mine, and he let out a long, slow breath as he bent his head and pressed a soft kiss to the base of my shoulder. My whole body prickled with need and my heart stuttered as lust ignited within me. I gulped and closed my eyes, enjoying the sensations building within me at an alarming rate.
I didn’t move, afraid of what would happen if I did. Maybe he would pull away and apologize, or maybe he wouldn’t pull away at all, maybe he would clutch me closer and the flames of passion would burn us both to the ground. I wasn’t sure which I wanted more.
“Why do you smell like smoke?” I asked after a minute or so, when I’d managed to calm my body and my tears. The smell clinging to his clothes made my throat itch a little.
“Uh...I went to see the Salazar crew,” he answered, his tone sheepish.
I pulled back quickly, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. “What? What does that mean?”
He shrugged, reaching up to scratch at the back of his neck as he looked away from me. “I couldn’t let them get away with touching you.”
“So you did what exactly?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to know.
He stood, brushing down his shirt, and shrugged. “Do you want a drink or something? Maybe something to eat? I still can’t cook, but I try sometimes.” He turned and walked off toward the kitchen, leaving me sitting there in stunned silence. He’d flat-out refused to answer my question. What exactly was I supposed to take from that?
I stood too, turning to see him leaning into his fridge, his back to me. “Jamie, what did you do?” I repeated hesitantly.
His back stiffened, but he didn’t turn to face me. “Less than I wanted to do.”
I could see I wasn’t going to win this one. He wasn’t going to answer, no matter how much I pushed. My frustrated gaze fell onto the table and the upturned photo, and suddenly different questions formed in my head.
“Jamie, who is Natalie to you?” I asked, watching as his hand stopped midway through reaching into the bag of bread.
“What?” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “I don’t know any Natalie.” He turned back to me then, his eyes wary and guarded.
“More lies,” I muttered, frowning. I reached down for the photo, holding it up, watching as resignation flitted over his features.
He sighed deeply, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. Silence hung in the air, almost palpable, until he finally spoke, “She’s Ray’s sister-in-law. I didn’t want you traveling alone. I couldn’t be there and I knew you were upset, so...” He swallowed. “I paid for Nat’s trip so she could keep you company and try to cheer you up a little.”
My eyes widened. I hadn’t expected that answer. That possibility hadn’t even entered my head when I was turning over scenarios while I waited for him to return from wherever he went earlier. “You what?” I gasped.
His eyes tightened, his posture tense. “I wanted to look out for you, even if I couldn’t be there with you. I couldn’t just cut all ties. I needed to know you were okay,” he explained.
I wasn’t sure how to respond. In a way, knowing that he had still been looking out for me, still protecting me, even from prison, kind of took a little of the hurt away. Jamie always was overprotective, but this was extreme even for him. The gesture made my heart ache, but it also made me a little angry.
“I can’t believe this,” I said quietly. “I was traveling with her for almost a year. She never said a thing to me about you. I thought she was my friend.” Now I understood how she seemed to have a never-ending supply of cash—it was Jamie’s dirty gang money that he’d worked so hard for. Finding this out about her was like a punch in the gut. I’d opened up to her about the breakup and all the time she was playing me for a free trip?
Jamie shook his head and walked back to me, reaching out and taking my hand, squeezing softly. “She is your friend. She just lied about how you met, that’s all. Everything else about your relationship is real. Don’t be mad at her for it, Ellie. She helped you through a tough time, she was there for you.”
True. I don’t know what I would have done without her.
He bent so we were at the same level, his eyes latching onto mine, the beautiful shade of them catching me off guard and making my heart stutter. “She helped me through a tough time, too,” he continued. “She gave me updates on how you were.” He smiled sadly. “If it weren’t for those, I’m not sure I would have made it, to be honest. I was miserable and just as heartbroken as you were.” Reaching out, he snag
ged a lock of my hair, pushing it behind my ear, his fingers tracing the sensitive skin at the side of my neck, causing goose bumps to break out on my body.
I opened my mouth, unsure what I even wanted to say. I wanted to thank him for looking out for me, I wanted to scold him for invading my privacy, I wanted to step closer and press myself against him, I wanted to slap him in the face. I didn’t know what I wanted.
I decided to go for honesty.
“When I saw the photo in your room, I thought that maybe she was your girlfriend,” I said, hating that my voice shook a little on the word girlfriend.
One side of his mouth rose into a sad smile. “She’s not my girlfriend. There’s been no one since you.”
My mouth popped open in shock. “No one?” That couldn’t be true. Three years I’d been gone, and it wasn’t as if a guy like him would be short of offers!
Before he could answer, my cell phone began to ring, saving him from more probing questions. We both looked down at my purse, and I debated leaving it so we could get everything out in the open once and for all, but then figured it was probably my nana wondering where I was because I should have been back hours ago with the food she’d asked for.
I pulled away and picked up my purse, shoving my hand in and fishing out my cell. I groaned when I saw several large cracks covering my screen. The phone itself was thankfully functional, though, because it was still illuminated and vibrating in my hand and I could just make out that it said a private number was calling. I pressed the Answer button, being careful not to cut my finger, and put it to my ear.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Oh, good afternoon, is this Ellison Pearce?” a lady asked, her voice curt but polite.
I frowned, wondering who it was. “It is.”
“Hello, Ellison. This is Nurse Partridge from the ICU ward that your mother is on.”
My heart stopped, my mouth going dry as I imagined the worst. “Is everything okay?” I croaked.
“Actually, I’m calling with some good news. Your mother just woke up,” she replied cheerfully.
I gasped in shock. “Really? Oh my God,” I murmured, my hand coming up to cover my throat. I couldn’t contain my grin. “Is she okay?”
“She’s doing well, her pressures are all steady and she’s breathing on her own. She’s even taken a drink. She’s drifted back to sleep now, but that’s expected. She’ll probably sleep on and off for the next day or so,” the nurse explained. “I know you’ve already been in this morning, but I thought I’d give you a call in case you wanted to come back to see her.”