Dirty Beginning (Dirty 0.50)

I take a slow deep breath as I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I open my mouth to tell him my answer when our phones simultaneously go off. I pull my phone out from my clutch .

Mother , the screen reads .

I see Killian reaching into his pocket. He runs his hand through his hair .

We both press Accept at the same time. We each lift the phone to our ears at the same time. We both say, “Hello?” at the same time .

We both feel the pain at the same time .

“I ’ll call a car to take us,” Killian says immediately, dropping his question .

Now that there are more pressing issues to deal with, it doesn’t matter if I say yes or no. His perfect proposal is ruined. Maybe that’s a good thing because I’m not sure I had the strength to tell him no, even when it’s what is best for both of us .

I watch as Killian talks on the phone as he paces back and forth in the beautiful garden. I…I don’t move. I don’t know how to feel. It doesn’t feel as bad as the last time I got a call like this. It doesn’t hurt nearly as much, but it still hurts. Maybe because Granddad is just in the hospital and not actually dead. Maybe it’s because my father was my everything. Maybe it’s because, this time, I might actually have a chance to say good-bye, if that is what this comes to .

I watch as Killian quickly makes his way around the room, blowing out all the candles. I don’t move though. I can’t. I feel him grab ahold of my hand, but I still don’t move. I’m not even sure if I’m breathing or if my heart is still beating .

“Kinsley, we need to go out front. The car should be here any minute .”

I still don’t move. Killian puts his arm around my shoulders and guides me forward. I move but only because his arm is around me. It takes a long time to make our way through the casino and back out onto the strip. Neither of us speaks as we move. We just move as one unit .

When Killian pushes the doors open to the vibrant lights of the busy strip, I move. I don’t know if it’s the lights or what that jolts me back to reality. Whatever it is, I’m thankful .

I see the blacked-out Cadillac Escalade parked in front of the casino. I grab Killian’s hand. “Come on,” I say as I run to the car. Killian runs with me .

I pull the door open and dive into the cab as quickly as possible. Killian has already run around to the other side and is jumping in. I close the door and hear a small tear of my dress from getting it caught in the door. I pick up the torn fabric and run it back and forth between my fingers. The fairy tale is ove

r. I glance to my left where Killian sits. This is over .

It hurts to know it’s true, but it is. This will wake both of us up. It will make both of us want to live a full life—a life we choose full of happiness and mistakes, a life we live for us .

Killian closes his eyes when he sees it in my eyes. This is over. He knows it as well as I do .

I tell the driver which hospital Granddad’s at, and then we are driving away from the casino, away from my life, away from the fairy tale, and back to reality .

“Mom,” I say to the blonde woman slumped over in a waiting room chair .

Her hair is a mess. It’s ratted and dirty. I don’t know when she showered last. She’s wearing an old T-shirt of Dad’s and pink pajama pants. She at least had enough sense to put on tennis shoes .

“Mom,” I say again as I grab her shoulders while I squat in my dress in front of her .

She moans but doesn’t look up at me. I grab her cheeks, lifting her head. The smell of alcohol is intense on her breath. I have to look away from her to take a deep breath .

Shit, why did she have to do this today ?

I have no idea how to deal with her while she’s drunk. Dad was always the one who dealt with her when she was drunk. I never had to. Now that she’s a raging alcoholic every other night, I don’t know what to do. I feel guilty for not taking better care of her, for not staying at home and being there for her. But I thought it was for the best. I thought her therapist and AA sponsor would handle her. I thought she would be better by now .

We never got along, even before it happened, even before I destroyed the family reputation. We never got along when she was sober. We have never gotten along .

“Here,” Killian says .

I look over my shoulder and take the coffee out of his hand .

“Have her drink it. It will help .”

“Mom.” I place the cup in her hand. I wait until she has a good grip on the cup before I remove my hand. “Drink this .”

She does. I sit in the chair next to her and take a deep breath for the first time since she called me. How she managed that call, I don’t know. I don’t know how she did it in the state she is in .