Our waitress arrived with our food, and we settled into less heavy discussions. I told him about my new cupcake flavors, which he said sounded interesting but he still wanted chocolate and peanut butter.
After dinner, he walked me back to my apartment, but left me at the door. It was probably a good idea if he didn’t want to slip over into friends with benefits because I couldn’t trust myself not to jump him if he came inside. I really needed to find a way to overcome this lust for him.
To that end, when I was alone in my apartment, I went to my computer to see who, if any, men had responded to my dating profile. Since setting it up, a few had reached out. Most of them I ignored. Two seemed a little interesting and I’d responded to their messages. Tonight, one of them had messaged me again plus there were three new men reaching out.
I sat back and blew out a breath. All these men looked fine, but none were Cyrus. I was seriously rethinking getting a cat as it was starting to feel like I’d always be single.
13
Cyrus
I left Petal’s feeling agitated again. I enjoyed our evening together a great deal. Not just the orgasm parts, but sitting and having a meal with her. Petal had a unique personality. She was open and honest, sweet and supportive, but also feisty and assertive when necessary. She often said things that surprised me. She challenged me. And leaving her at the door was so fucking hard because I wasn’t ready for the evening to end. If things were different, I’d have turned it into a real date. I would have stayed the night, if she asked me too. We would have sex, more than once, and then lay entwined talking until we fell asleep.
But that wasn’t in the cards. Learning that April said she’d kill the man who hurt Petal, proved I was right in that I couldn’t touch her again. Not that I thought April would kill me, but if something went wrong in a relationship with Petal, it could hurt my relationship with Jude and April, which would be a problem since we were in business together.
So I left her at the door and headed home. I spent the weekend finishing up my main floor bathroom renovation and watched sports on TV. I called my mom on Sunday night to check in with her. She was happy, but I could still hear fatigue in her voice.
On Monday I was back at work. I made sure to apologize to Dina and Connor for my pissy mood the week before. They forgave me, but they still kept a wide berth from me.
In the afternoon, I stood up from behind my desk, put on my coat, and started to head out to Petal’s as usual but hesitated. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. At the same time, it was the middle of the afternoon, so what could happen? She was working. And I really did like the chocolate and peanut butter cupcake.
Deciding I could see her without fucking her, I made the short walk to her shop. She smiled that magnificent smile as I entered, and my insides went all warm, and then as if I remembered I wasn’t supposed to let her get inside me, they clenched tight.
“I’m glad to see you back,” she said, handing me a cupcake and my usual coffee.
“I missed the cupcakes,” I said, wondering if she’d know I was really saying I’d missed her. Jesus, I was fucked.
She helped the few customers that came in behind me and then sat at the table. “Have you heard from your mom about her tests yet?”
“Not yet.” I was touched that she remembered and cared. We had an enjoyable conversation that felt a lot like it had before I’d fucked her. Maybe we’d be able to get back to just friends after all.
When I left, she sent me back with a few extra cupcakes after I told her about my surly behavior with Dina and Conner and how they were avoiding me.
“Cupcakes fix things like that,” she said.
She was right, Dina and Conner lit up at having a cupcake and after that, things went back to normal.
I’d just arrived home from work and was changing into my workout clothes when my phone rang. The caller ID said MOM.
My breath stuttered as I picked up, terrified of what she might say.
“Hi mom.”
“Cyrus.” I could hear a quiver in her voice and I knew it had to be bad.
I sank to the edge of my bed. “What’s wrong? Did you get your tests back?”
“Yes. It’s…it’s not great.”
My heart didn’t know whether to stop beating or to beat a million miles a minute. “What is it?”
“Leukemia.”
I closed my eyes. To my mind, many people today survived cancer, but I didn’t know about leukemia.
It took me a moment to get my brain moving but finally, I stood. “I’ll catch a plane out tonight.”
“Cyrus you don’t need to come here—”